OPTAVIA UNBOXING!!! 2/3/19

[Xenomorph]

"When I have to go out to eat"

When the fuck would she HAVE to go out to eat?

Jesus, Amber.

 

[e-gf]

Keep in mind there are 7 servings in each "fueling". So, among other things, she bought 56 candy bars. And she just threw away dozens of protein bars that she never ate.

 

[HamFan]

Ahhh, her fucking hair!

So distracting!
That one piece sticking out. The dandruff. Jeeze.

 

[Your Dead Tamagotchi]

How can she possibly twist logic in her head in such a way as to think that Optavia's online nutritionist (singular) can replace going to one in person. Did she quite literally learn nothing this past year?

I... Genuinely have no words.

 

[ADHD]

I probably have all the workbooks you could find on Amazon like not even lying

So she hoards workbooks in addition to journals?

 

[Masta]

At least she’s excited for this diet, even if does fail miserably.
I’m really tired of seeing piss pity me amber.

 

[plastic holic]

It even came with a fucking journal y'all.

 

[JambledUpWords]

At least she’s excited for this diet, even if does fail miserably.
I’m really tired of seeing piss pity me amber.

She’s excited because she gets to eat a bunch of sugar 5-6 times per day. She’ll regret it though once she actually tastes the food. Becky will have to take her on a late-night binge once she realizes how hungry and unsatisfied she gets.

 

[ADHD]

She’s excited because she gets to eat a bunch of sugar 5-6 times per day. She’ll regret it though once she actually tastes the food. Becky will have to take her on a late-night binge once she realizes how hungry and unsatisfied she gets.

But she did research! She knows this will work!

 

[marjoram]

Oh for fucks sake--

Big Al says she likes to learn things, y'all.

Since when?

She's really drooling for those yummy sounding snacks. Would love to see her fat face when she takes her first bite and all her expectations come crashing down.

And--that HAIR. Omg, absolutely disgusting.Better hope spring comes early to Kentucky so Thumby can drag her out back and hose her down. She looks like she REEKS

 

[Turd Blossom]

Another shot of the amazeeen hair Big Al is sporting in tonight's video. Who needs gel when your hair is so greasy it literally can stand up on it's own?

Our gorl is a fashion icon who definitely showers DAILY.

ETA: Jfc Amber is manic af and her OTT facial expressions as she over-excitedly unboxed this garbage are truly something to behold.
>"Oh my god, LOOK AT THIS!! I LOVE this because I like to learn about stuff!" exclaims the girl who had to pester Zachary for basic editing advice because she couldn't be bothered to look at a manual or use Google.

And the unboxing of the food was exceptional. "Cookies? I LOVE cookies!".
After all the oohing and ahhing over the boxes of peanut butter and chocolate flavored bars, her hesitation was pretty amusing at the raisin-oat-cinnamon ones because she's "not a cinnamon person, a raison person OR an oat person".
Why order an expensive box of bars when you dislike all the main ingredients? But then again, why would you eat ayyygs if you are convinced you're allergic to them. Making sense of Amber is a fool's errand, I suppose.

But these might be my favorite faces of all:

Spoiler: When reality hits

When it finally dawns on you that you have actually committed yourself to eating this nonsense for the next year.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Another shot of the amazeeen hair Big Al is sporting in tonight's video. Who needs gel when your hair is so greasy it literally can stand up on it's own?
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Our gorl is a fashion icon who definitely showers DAILY.

Next video should be Becky giving Hamber a hose down. Not gonna lie, it would be interesting to see how Al cleans herself.

 

[Babby Spanch]

It makes sense now why she has been so excited about this. She can eat nothing but shakes and cookies and mashed potatoes and the pounds will just melt off! She thinks she won't have to do any work at all except eat 6 times a day.

Can't wait for it to all come crashing down

 

[NSFW]

Her weight is going to richochet straight up into the 570s after she goes on her first bender.

According to the Optavia website, she’s supposed to start exercising (e.g. walking) around weeks 2 - 3. Has she mentioned this at all or does even she know she won’t make it that long?

 

[JambledUpWords]

Her weight is going to richochet straight up into the 570s after she goes on her first bender.

According to the Optavia website, she’s supposed to start exercising (e.g. walking) around weeks 2 - 3. Has she mentioned this at all or does even she know she won’t make it that long?

She’ll hate that. If she does bring it up, she’ll most likely give an excuse such as her leg problem. If she’s actually serious about this, she might see some actual change (provided she doesn’t go over the calorie limit and is consistent. Both of which being an optimistic outcome).

 

[marjoram]

Exercise is one of those words (like "penis") that Big Al just doesn't hear anymore......

No, she hasn't mentioned it, and likely never will.....

 

[CreedenceLeonoreGielgud]

Today in Amber Virtue Signals She Loves Water

 

[Basketball Jones]

I’m wondering how much weight she gained while waiting on this “life-changing” box to come in. Because her face looks fatter.

[EDIT] she mentioned spending more on groceries than on this program. I dunno about y’all, but I don’t know anyone—rich or poor—that comes close to dropping that much on a grocery run...unless she counts fast-food and eating out

 

[Turd Blossom]

When Auto-Caption nails it.

 

[pinkbutterfly]

It doesn't matter what the food is like, she's fucked either way.

If it tastes bad, she'll crave other stuff and make excuses to eat out, and she'll give up within a week.

If by some miracle it tastes 'good', she now has a shitload of it to binge on. Does she really think she can stop eating after one small packet of something sweet that she enjoys, when there's a huge box of it ready and waiting?