Mr Tex: But [QuintessentialDouchebag], let's hear from you and how submission, and sorta how receiving submission, or just your experience with submissives and that ...
QuintessentialDouchebag: So, it's really interesting. I got involved inspite, I mean, I grew up in BDSM (?! WTF is that supposed to mean? You mean you got spanked by your parents as a kid or what?) but that's not why I decided to involve myself in it. (Oh, I am sure your parents spanking you as a kid had nothing whatsoever to do with it, LMAO.)
For me, BDSM has always been this ordering of a chaotic world. (Yeah, we all saw how "orderly" you are in that video Muse Talks posted of how you left behind her house after you left.)
Because for me, people don't really make sense. Because I have always, I have always tried to do the best I can, to pick the best answer to a problem rather than the first one or the one I want. And so, obviously, that doesn't describe anyone under the age of 18. And unfortunately, I was also that kid that would often supply the best answer to a problem, even if it wasn't the best answer to not getting your ass kicked. So, like, I was an extremely intelligent kid. Several concussions did not stop that. (laughs) All the concussions did is teach me to not raise my hand in class as often, basically. And the problem is that, I knew I was smart.
And people would say stupid shit in my general direction.
Like: "Haha, you're gay!".
And I'd be like: "But I'm not.".
And they'd go: "Aah, you're gay.".
And I'd go: "OK, but, you're saying that I fuck other men.".
"No, I'm saying you're gay.".
(laughs)
Rucka Rucka Ali
Mr Tex: Oh, but, "you're stupid, you don't know what gay means!", OK.
QD: Ah, yeah. And it would just go on and on. And at the end of it I was like: "I am not saying I am, but what exactly is the problem with that?". And I'll tell you this: 9 year olds do not want to have to go over gay rights. They don't. Usually they just beat the shit outta you. And when you're the shortest 9 year old in your fucking class, this is problematic.
Mr Tex: I am trying to think if I ever had a conversation with a 9 year old, where I was like, "You know what? We really uncovered some good stuff on gay rights and other societal challenges there."
QD: So, basically, from as early as I can remember, I have been that kid that's, like, "do your own thing". And I was also the kid who learned pretty quickly that people, people aren't the best they could be. People could be better. And for me, coming into BDSM was kinda great because there was this situation where somebody was in charge and there was a reason someone was in charge. It wasn't just "cos I'm older", it wasn't just cos they've been put there, it wasn't "just cos". It was because someone had negotiated and you had decided that they were competent enough to be in charge of you. And if you didn't want them there, then you just said "I don't want you in charge of me", and they weren't. And it was very, it was wonderful.
One of the reasons that I switched was, I slowly realized that none could ever be more competent than myself when it came to making decisions for me. (but then you decided that you were competent enough to request that someone remove their feeding tube for you, Douchebag. You assumed yourself so competent, you told them: "You don't need your feeding tube.". That person could have gone into cardiac arrest. All because you were so fucking arrogant, you thought you were competent enough to know what's good for them. How fucked up is that.)
So, anytime anyone tried to make a decision for me, it just, it wrinkled/wrangled (?), it was so abbrassive to my nerves. It's like, I hated it. (But you are so competent, you get to make medical decisions for others, yes? Because you are the dom, and you are so intelligent and you know what's best. You get to tell people when to remove their feeding tube so they risk cardiac arrest. Crazy fucker.)
And I used to think it was because I was around less and less competent people. And when I was younger this was especially true. But as I got older I realized that there's never going to be that magical person that actually has all the answers. The truth of the matter was, I was just a top. (Yeah, dude, such are such a fucking dom top alpha. Hope you enjoy topping from the jail.)
Which was actually sort of problematic for me. Because I didn't want to be in charge of anybody. Like, ever. (Then why the fuck do you go and play with disabled people? If you make videos, like Brittany has, telling disabled people they have a right to be in BDSM, you are talking responsibility over all these cripples you are letting into BDSM. Don't fucking abdicate when it gets inconvenient for you because you fucked up in your infinite arrogance and told some disabled person to remove their feeding tube.)
Mr Tex: It's good you've got an easy option in Brittany. (Yeah, because Brittany, who claims that she "doesn't want to be a bottomfeeder survivalist" but that she wants "to dominate the world", is herself such a doormat that she is now returning to this bowl of vomit to have a child with him away from civilization. So "dominant" y'all. Brittany, who has so many Youtube chasers, she could make them pay for their own sperm tests to choose amongst the best genetic material on offer, but no, let's milk Douchebag for a load. Let's bring more little narcissists like him into this world. I am gonna end up an anti-natalist like the TERFs after this shit.)
QD: Yeah... well....
Brittany: Yay!
QD: It gets even more interesting with Brittany. Of all the people, I have had two specific people that I have explored my toppiness with for an extended period of time and Brittany was the second one. But the reason I didn't want to be in charge is that, when I was younger, I was around people like me, specifically, younger people. And they are not the most competent human beings of the bunch. 19 year olds? Not known for their wisdom. (When why did you go and fuck around with that 20 year old Tumblr fangirl with a feeding tube?)
So, when you are surrounded by peope who are like: "Duuude, I totally got fucked up on molly, and fucked, like, 6 people" - which is mostly impressive because molly usually takes away your sex drive, but whatever - these are not the people you want to be in charge of. Really, ya-don't. (then why did you hook up with a 20 year old Tumblr fangirl with a feeding tube whom you knew was a recovering drug addict? Why did you ask her to go out and get drugs for you?)
Because, you give them something to do and it doesn't get done for 6 months, it's like this excercise in wanting to tear your own eyeballs out. And for the longest time, when I was living down in San Diego, that's all I was surrounded by, it was people that were like: "We should totally go to the beach!", and I'd be the one who's like: "Cool, here's what we need: we need food, we need transportation, we need blankets, we need this, this, this. Cool, have we got all that? No? What the fuck are we doing? No, we're not going to the beach. We have no way to get there."
Brittany: So, based off this story, what you're telling me is: we should all be doms. It's much better. (This statement is so ironic in retrospect because Brittany was still his doormat when she said this, but she ended up switching to being a dom herself after they broke up. Now she's back to being his doormat apparently.)
QD: Uh, well... sure!
Mr Tex: Don't be doms, because, like, then you have all the responsibility. (LMAO, don't say you weren't warned!)
(...)
QD: And so for me, what I get out of when someone submits to me is a validation of all of these things. All of this history. (What? Of being spanked by your parents and then beat up by other kids who thought you were gay? So, you got into BDSM because of parental neglect and bullying?)
BDSM, I think for just about everybody, is tied up in all of this extra bullshit that no one ever really wants to go into. Cos, it's not shit you really wanna go into. (So you are "using BDSM as cheap therapy", as Brittany likes to say?)
But it's this validation that, yes, I am competent. Yes, I am not just making shit up so I don't just feel like an idiot, because of all these years of people telling me I was an idiot. And, someone's trusts. And, at the end of the day, whatever that fucking order was that I put out? It got done. Like, that's just fucking great on its own. That's why I am going into programming. Like, holy shit.
Mr Tex: (laughs) The dommy programmer. I love it.
QD: I mean, if you wanna feel like God, pick up programming. That's really the answer.
Mr Tex: There may be a reason why we're all kinda broken.
Evie: We're all messy.
QD: When I go too long - and Brittany has done this in our relationship - where trying to be that dominant person that I have negotiated for, and trying to be that person that I want to be and having it be met with this resentment and frustration and a "I am busy doing my own shit, what are you bothering me for, Sir?", is like a jangle - is the best way to describe it - on my nerves. Like, my heckles rise, like, real slow over time. And, I don't want to go too far into that primal thing that we're gonna total make a whole episode for, but the reason that I am not, like, I can be a refined dom if that's what I wanna do. And it's funny, because being around Charles and Evie has been a learning experience for me because I am still fairly young and impulsive. My handle on my temper is pretty good but it's not perfect. (No shit.)
So, I will often bring myself down to Brittany's level when she decides to become a pouty little brat instead of a submissive. And it's been fascinating to watch Charles and Evie because I have only ever seen Evie one time ever do anything besides be a picture perfect submissive. And that one time it was perfectly reasonable as to how that happened. And the way Charles handled it, it was just gorgeous. (...)
QD: I am not gonna lie: Brittany has gotten me sometimes where I am so frustrated that I have totally done that dull roar volume that I get. And that, I don't know. There's certain levels that, on the one hand I shouldn't have enjoyed it as much as I do. But when I feel completely and one hundred percent vindicated in that I've done, specifically when Brittany has violated something that she has negotiated for, and she has done it repeatedly, and it's like: "Oh, I get to actually genuinely lose my temper.". And I'll plan it out. I'll plan out exactly how I am gonna lose my temper, and exactly the way that the "I'm disappointed" speech is gonna come out. And at what point I will start yelling. It's a lot of fun for me. It's cathartic in a way that crying will never be.
Evie: Yeah, just prepare your speech!
QD: Yeah, well, I am a yeller, and I come from a yelling household. (Good, you and Brittany want to move to a farm away from civilization, no one will hear you when you're screaming there.) I guarantee you, when me and my sisters fucked up, the neighbors knew it. In my family crying wasn't really a thing. Like, it didn't matter if you cried. You could be crying all you wanted, it didn't make a difference, you're still going to be doing whatever the hell you're gonna be doing. And if you fuck up because you are crying, it just means you're gonna take longer to do it. So, crying was a valid but not important emotion in our family. Which I actually, I appreciate. Because I have been around people who just start crying at the drop of a dime. And I'm like, fuck that. (Then why did you fuck around with a DDLG? What exactly what these "littles" are, young immature women with no control over their feelings who want to cry at the drop of a hat.)
Brittany: Are you talking about me? So, I come from a yelling household, and I do not like it very much. I don't like being yelled at, so I get really, really fighty. Because I'm like: "Oh hell no, I just left that house." (But you want to move into a farm away from civilization with this bowl of vomit, Brittany? So you two can scream at each other where no one can hear you, and you can babies with him and recreate the yelling household that you just ran away from? Brittany, I think you just want to fight and win, but you don't have the discipline to get into martial arts or some other fighting sport, so you use BDSM as a replacement for that, "as a cheap form of martial arts", to appropriate your terms. You are a fighter who has deluded herself into thinking she's a sub.)
Evie: Brittany has a very opposite reaction than me. With that, she just gets very fighty and I just want to leave.
QD: (laughs) I feel like that's the story of you and Brittany. (Yeah, and that's why Brittany was dumb enough to return to the bowl of vomit that is you. Because she still wants to fight you. In the middle of nowhere on a farm where nobody can hear you two yellers, or hear your baby yell in the background.)
this has been a battle for going on five weeks. It was private and personal now it's going to be public in personal. Wasn't going to say shit until she filmed in my house after making "BDSM is NOT safe" where she victim blames.
