💤 Inactive Nick Bate / Nickalaus B. Stoutzenberger (Thread 1)

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Here's a few more weird old pictures from Nick Bate's twitter account if you're interested.
https://twitter.com/NickBate/status/497470803718328320
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https://twitter.com/NickBate/status/486906268779806720
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https://twitter.com/NickBate/status/479733512397148160
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I'm guessing that's a bathroom mirror but at first I thought he was taking his cosplay pictures in a cupboard or wedged in a door way.
 
Don't know if this would be off-topic or not, but here is my idea for a fanfic based mostly on Nick
After seeing a few fanart pics of Doug Funnie as OPL as well as several fan theories speculating that he might have schizophrenia, I've decided I want to do a fanfic about Doug (or at least commission someone since I'm terrible at writing anything) in which he is in his early 20s and has become a mentally disturbed manchild with traits similar to Chris and Nick Bate (mostly the latter)

-Is 23 years old, obese, has long and extremely unkempt brown hair along with similarly groomed facial hair, wears a fedora/top hat and a Quailman Medallion (made with 100% real Crayola fuckin' Model Magic and acrylic paint), and also has severely decayed teeth similar to Nick's
-Resides with his mother in a dilapidated trailer park in Bloatsburg where the two had moved after his parents divorced while he was in high school
-After the divorce in which his mom gained custody, she gained 300 pounds, became a born-again fundamentalist Christian and also developed a severe hoarding problem
-Doug's mental problems became progressively worse over the years due to his mom's refusal to get psychiatric help for him because she "doesn't believe" in mental illnesses
-As a result of Doug and his mother's deteriorating mental health, they have both become physically abusive towards each other and Doug's own mental problems have helped foster numerous delusions and paraphilias (probably going to be a pedo shit fetishist like Master Bates, though I'm kind of iffy about whether he should be the former)
-Considers not having graduated high school and never having a job to be achievements, and hopes that he will have a steady source of income once his poorly drawn Quailman webcomic becomes a hit franchise despite having already received cease and desist letters from DC, Marvel, Dark Horse, etc.
-Believes that Patti Mayonnaise will one day reciprocate his feelings for her stalking obsession with her and become his "Wife" because "QuailGod decided it" even though she has blocked him from all of her online accounts, has a restraining order against him, and is in a committed relationship with his former best friend Skeeter
-Has photos of Patti all over his bedroom wall, a "Patti pillow" and numerous crudely drawn Rule 34 drawings of her (that he uploaded and sent to her) among other things
-Steals his mom's clothes from time to time and roleplays in them while pretending to be Patti
-Due to his irrational fear of water, he has not brushed his teeth or showered or wiped his ass in years. Also has a tendency to mass debate the same way Nick Bate does and then wipes the "aftermath" all over his walls and doesn't understand why his mom yells at him for it every time
-Is a massive weeaboo who thinks Japan is a "grorious paradaisu" where all buildings resemble Dubai's, Pokémon are real and coexist among the wildlife, and that he will be accepted in their society as an unwashed sociopathic gaijin otaku perv and lolita cosplayers will unquestioningly sleep with him. He also purposely talks in broken Engrish as he desperately wants to be Japanese.
-Reminisces about all of the "friends" he used to have at Bluffington High who have all since mostly forgotten about him or blocked him on Facebook
-Disclosed his personal information to multiple online personas fabricated by none other than Roger Klotz, once when he claimed to be Patti Mayonnaise reciprocating his feelings and convinced Doug to record several embarrassing and disgusting videos of himself which Roger then leaked, and another time when he posed as an executive from Marvel Comics seeking to pitch Quailman to the company and have it adapted into an official comic series as well as a big budget film, and from that he was able to obtain all of Doug's other personal information. Roger then posted all of Doug's photos and information on 4chan which soon quickly led to an ED article being made about him.
-Was banned from B'Burg's Games and Hobbies after bogarting the large flatscreen HDTV to use his PS3 to browse lolicon on the Internet which everyone in the store could see, including the blue child customers that he frequently accused of trying to steal his stuff. He came back three months later in an attempt to get unbanned and asked to "let bygones be bygones". Of course this was unsuccessful, and he retaliated by calling the store owner a certain slur referring to whatever odd skin color he was and ended up being arrested and receiving a restraining order from the shop.
-Has also been banned from every Honker Burger location in Bloatsburg for either his malodorous stench causing issues with the health department or for hitting on the female servers and even some of the children in the indoor playground
-Idolizes Hitler/Stalin/Mao because he thinks it's "le edgy" and doesn't understand why they are despised or why it's socially unacceptable
-Believes there is a secret 51st state called Honkersota that the U.S. government created after being bribed by Honker Burger and that no one has told him about it because Honker Burger hates him and doesn't want him finding out about it (and yes, I stole that from Bate's theory on why "Kentucky Don't Exist")
-Believes that everything bad that's ever happened to him including having to move back to Bloatsburg/Quailman not being successful/Patti wanting nothing to do with him/Roger trolling him/getting banned from various public locales is because of a conspiracy by the Bluffington County School Board to persecute him for being mentally handicapped
 
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This is a wiki owned, edited, and maintained by Nick Bate. He is literally so desperate for attention he writes his own CWCki. Doesn't that tell you something about the validity of his claims?

The police were called about the molestation and the fact he hasn't been arrested means that either: they couldn't find any evidence of that, or that they found evidence that he hadn't molested anyone. Considering Nick has repeatedly lied about other things in the past, and that Anna has said something along the effect of "he lied about the molestation for attention", that seems to be the case.

I mean, I'm very torn on if the forum should have a thread on Nick. He's a lolcow, but he's also intentionally a lolcow. It's sort of like the answer to, "What if Jace was just pretending?" -- this is it. Nick has said a ton of extremely damaging things about himself and he's essentially forfeit his chance of having a decent life. Even if he is pretending to be weirder for attention, is it okay to give him that attention because he's a total fucking loser?
Huh. I don't recall saying he lied about the molestation for attention--that's what he claimed he did, but I'm still thoroughly convinced that he really did molest Amber. I'd love for it to have been a stupid attention grab, don't get me wrong, but I honestly don't think it was. I may have misspoken at some point, or posted something that got misconstrued? A link would be great, in any case.

I will say that a lot of what he says does seem to be made up, but at the same time, a lot of it isn't--and even some of his lies have a grain of (depressing) truth to them, as far as I can tell. For example, his obsession with me is completely real, and so are at least some of his fetishes (namely pedophilia and scat) and bizarre idiotic thoughts.

I do agree, however, that "lolcow" is probably not the right term for him, and that, in the strictest sense, a thread about him probably doesn't belong on a board dedicated to lolcows. But the whole thing needs to be known, IMO, and a lot of interesting things (including some shit I never knew about myself!) have emerged from here, so I'd definitely say that, at the very least, the thread should be preserved somehow.

Also, re: the Saudi Arabia thing...Jesus fucking Christ. That's just so gross on so many levels. (Although considering that he thinks of himself as a Christian, it's also kind of funny...)
 
I do agree, however, that "lolcow" is probably not the right term for him, and that, in the strictest sense, a thread about him probably doesn't belong on a board dedicated to lolcows. But the whole thing needs to be known, IMO, and a lot of interesting things (including some shit I never knew about myself!) have emerged from here, so I'd definitely say that, at the very least, the thread should be preserved somehow.
That's why we had to coin the term "HorrorCow". :)
 
Also, re: the Saudi Arabia thing...Jesus fucking Christ. That's just so gross on so many levels. (Although considering that he thinks of himself as a Christian, it's also kind of funny...)
I just picture him trapped in Saudi Arabia because he totally didn't take into consideration that there's no chance in hell of you going there with him.
 
Happy 9-11! 12+1 years ago today, two brave heroes attacked the U.S. and knocked those smug jerks off their pedestal. Hooray Al Quaeda!
I caught a moose in my aunt's hoose. It's limping. I dunno what to do aboot a limping moose.
I just heard you can buy beer for friends via Facebook. Can someone do that so I can drink? Also, the moose died.
Moose or mouse?
 
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