- Registrado
- 4 de Mayo, 2022
All right I want to start doing this for autistic reasons, but let's look at movies coming out each month and see what happens to them. I'm just posting theater movies (although some will release on streaming at the same time), but if something is coming out on streaming only that's big enough, we can add that in too. Basically want to wind up seeing how many movies people want to see, will see, and wind up sucking, and then do math on the results.
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre - This looks like utter trash, and this is from someone who actually likes Statham, Guy Ritchie and Aubrey Plaza. Ritchie has really fallen off since Sherlock Holmes, even the stuff he does without studios has been pretty shit...Rocknrolla is basically the last good thing he did, and that was a good while ago. Statham is gonna Statham, but he's only as good as the script he gets...he can carry a movie if it's a good movie, but he can't turn shit into gold, and generally makes bad movies even worse. Also this movie has Josh Hartnett in it, who has never been in a good movie, ever. I feel bad for Aubrey Plaza, who apparently wanted to try her hand at action movies, but this just looks awful.
Creed III - I guess if you liked Creed 1 and 2 this will be more of the same.
Champions - This is a movie that would've been great in the 90s, but is just going to suck. Woody Harrelson coaching a bunch of retards directed by one of the Farrelly brothers sounds like a great movie, but you know the jokes are going to be toothless and unfunny, and Woody is going to be the butt of ALL the jokes, until he learns his lesson. I don't know, hopefully I get proven wrong.
Scream VI - The fifth unnecessary sequel to an over-rated oneoff. Only this time it will make even less sense and have more intersectional representation, just what everyone wants in their slasher movies!
Shazam! Fury of the Gods - Despite Zach Levi apparently becoming the based mans Chris Pratt, this will probably be dumb...although, to be fair, it's mostly supposed to be. The funniest thing about this was that the director was bagging on "that just happened!" jokes, and then the trailer-house for this movie put one in the trailer. I'm guessing that just like the first one it will be worth a watch when it goes to streaming, and then will be utterly forgotten about.
65 - The attempt to turn Adam Driver into an action/horror star...I guess. I don't know, It's by the guys that did A Quiet Place, so it will probably be better than 90% of other movies, but still be dumb and crappy. But who knows, maybe they hit the right combo, and this turns out to be good. I think all the pieces are there (good actors, a writer/director crew that hasn't done anything great, but at least understand how to write and make an actual movie, what seems like a decent scope from the trailer). I'll put this in the hopeful category.
Inside - The Hideaways/From the Mixed-Up Files of Basil E Frankweiler but for grownups. Unknown screenwriter and director and Willem Dafoe. So this could be anything from The Lighthouse to a dumb Saw ripoff.
A Snowy Day in Oakland - A nigger movie.
John Wick 4 - Well they keep getting worse. And longer, and this looks to continue the trend. I'll probably put it on in the background when it hits streaming in a few months and not miss any important parts.
Dungeons & Dragons Honour among Thieves - This seems in the same vein as Shazam!, something inoffensive and forgettable. It will probably be 25-30 minutes too long, and a lot of the jokes won't land, but it will be better than the other D&D movie (a low hurdle). The strangest thing is how Sophia Lillis is not in ANY of the marketing for this, which makes me think something weird is going on. We'll see. Or maybe her makeup/costume is just horrendous and the figured it out too late, so are directing focus away.
A Thousand and One - Another nigger movie, but low budget.
A Good Person - Florence Pugh oscar bait. With Morgan Freeman as the wise and forgiving magical negro. It's Zach Braff, so it's going to be garbage. Like even if this was good, I wouldn't want to see it.
So, for me, that's 0/12 movies I will see at the theater, maybe 4/12 I will watch on streaming, and 3/12 that I think have even the potential to be good. Anything you're actually looking forward to in March? Any big streaming movies I should add to this list? You going to see anything? Can I come? Does your sister have any friends my age?
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre - This looks like utter trash, and this is from someone who actually likes Statham, Guy Ritchie and Aubrey Plaza. Ritchie has really fallen off since Sherlock Holmes, even the stuff he does without studios has been pretty shit...Rocknrolla is basically the last good thing he did, and that was a good while ago. Statham is gonna Statham, but he's only as good as the script he gets...he can carry a movie if it's a good movie, but he can't turn shit into gold, and generally makes bad movies even worse. Also this movie has Josh Hartnett in it, who has never been in a good movie, ever. I feel bad for Aubrey Plaza, who apparently wanted to try her hand at action movies, but this just looks awful.
Creed III - I guess if you liked Creed 1 and 2 this will be more of the same.
Champions - This is a movie that would've been great in the 90s, but is just going to suck. Woody Harrelson coaching a bunch of retards directed by one of the Farrelly brothers sounds like a great movie, but you know the jokes are going to be toothless and unfunny, and Woody is going to be the butt of ALL the jokes, until he learns his lesson. I don't know, hopefully I get proven wrong.
Scream VI - The fifth unnecessary sequel to an over-rated oneoff. Only this time it will make even less sense and have more intersectional representation, just what everyone wants in their slasher movies!
Shazam! Fury of the Gods - Despite Zach Levi apparently becoming the based mans Chris Pratt, this will probably be dumb...although, to be fair, it's mostly supposed to be. The funniest thing about this was that the director was bagging on "that just happened!" jokes, and then the trailer-house for this movie put one in the trailer. I'm guessing that just like the first one it will be worth a watch when it goes to streaming, and then will be utterly forgotten about.
65 - The attempt to turn Adam Driver into an action/horror star...I guess. I don't know, It's by the guys that did A Quiet Place, so it will probably be better than 90% of other movies, but still be dumb and crappy. But who knows, maybe they hit the right combo, and this turns out to be good. I think all the pieces are there (good actors, a writer/director crew that hasn't done anything great, but at least understand how to write and make an actual movie, what seems like a decent scope from the trailer). I'll put this in the hopeful category.
Inside - The Hideaways/From the Mixed-Up Files of Basil E Frankweiler but for grownups. Unknown screenwriter and director and Willem Dafoe. So this could be anything from The Lighthouse to a dumb Saw ripoff.
A Snowy Day in Oakland - A nigger movie.
John Wick 4 - Well they keep getting worse. And longer, and this looks to continue the trend. I'll probably put it on in the background when it hits streaming in a few months and not miss any important parts.
Dungeons & Dragons Honour among Thieves - This seems in the same vein as Shazam!, something inoffensive and forgettable. It will probably be 25-30 minutes too long, and a lot of the jokes won't land, but it will be better than the other D&D movie (a low hurdle). The strangest thing is how Sophia Lillis is not in ANY of the marketing for this, which makes me think something weird is going on. We'll see. Or maybe her makeup/costume is just horrendous and the figured it out too late, so are directing focus away.
A Thousand and One - Another nigger movie, but low budget.
A Good Person - Florence Pugh oscar bait. With Morgan Freeman as the wise and forgiving magical negro. It's Zach Braff, so it's going to be garbage. Like even if this was good, I wouldn't want to see it.
So, for me, that's 0/12 movies I will see at the theater, maybe 4/12 I will watch on streaming, and 3/12 that I think have even the potential to be good. Anything you're actually looking forward to in March? Any big streaming movies I should add to this list? You going to see anything? Can I come? Does your sister have any friends my age?
