LISTEN &/OR BELIEVE Mountain Dew: DEWSHINE - The Uber Dew for the Uber Gamer Guerrilla

[Broseph Stalin]

What's up, gamers, this is Broseph Stalin, da skull commander dropping some b-14 realtalk bombs up in dis bitch.

So as most of you know, there are tons of other Mountain Dew flavors we enjoy, namely GamerFuel and Code Red, as well as Voltage. But since my area is having something of a Dew dryspell that's most likely related to the infiltration of SJW fuckboi trannies within the populace, I have taken to extreme measures to compensate for the lack of flavored Dew. Because realtalk, once you taste something other than Mountain Dew original, you can't go back.

At first I started chugging Mountain Dew Throwback from my nearby Dollar General. It was pretty good, but I had to have some kind of variety. I resorted to the knockoff Dew brand called Mountain Explosion for different flavors which was alright, I guess. The Voltage ain't Voltage, but it'll do in an emergency situation. But then, one day...as I was hauling a shopping cart full of 2 liter jugs of Mountain Explosion Voltage (Or whatever the fuck their version of Voltage is, it don't matter no more)....I saw it. The crystal clear glass bottles...the tips of green metal bottle caps...the sweet, pure nectar that laid within...it was....MOUNTAIN DEW DEWSHINE.

I picked up a bottle from one of the cases, popping the cap off and taking a swig, promising the cashier I would pay for it. After I had chugged half the bottle the cashier looked at me. "Well?" She said. "You gonna pay for it?" I turned to her, my eyes wide as the moon that night and my mouth agape like Zoe Quinn getting ready to suck a dick for a good review. I didn't just pay for the bottle. I paid for ALL OF THE CASES IN THE STORE!!!

Below is a list of pros and cons related to Mountain Dew Dewshine, and why I feel it is a necessary component of every gamer's diet:

PROS

- GLASS BOTTLE!!! Break the shit out of it GTA style, and slice up any tranny or feminist that tells you video games are bad!

- CHEAP AS FUCK!!! Seriously, you can buy this shit cheap at Dollar General and Wal-Mart!

- It's REAL SUGAR like Throwback, but BETTER!!!!!!!

- You can buy this shit IN ACTUAL GLASS JUGS!!!! Where else is a better place to store your piss during those long ass deathmatches!

- It's CLEAR LIKE WATER, so you can trick those dirty feminists into thinking you're drinking something else!


CONS

- Apparently it's not actually Mountain Dew, BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK THIS SHIT IS DELISH!!!!

 

[The Lawgiver]

yo man I never knew throwback was at dollar general every time I go there all they have is weird off brand shit

this seems awesome as fuck but uh
the real question is will it make you blind
or will it make your senses sharper
fuck man i never wanna go blind because i wont be able to see the game unless i like taste it with my tounge or some shit
then again im pretty sure taste buds can't form images
or sense color
or light
fuck man i dont wanna go blind i gotta game man ya feel me
my strats require deagle sight so i wear shades when i game with the lights out so nothing can distract me
kinda funny because if i went blind i'd look the same
save for the fact i'd be wearing shades 24/7
and be unable to see anything ever again
or play video games
or read sweet fucking gaming tips my squad sends me
fuck man id be like the one guy in a 4 player team thatd be nothing but a burden with skills i cant even use
because i wouldnt be able to see
i wanna try this shit so bad but i need my eyesight
cause like moonshine can make you blind
and i dont touch that shit for that specific reason

 

[Broseph Stalin]

yo man I never knew throwback was at dollar general every time I go there all they have is weird off brand shit

this seems awesome as fuck but uh
the real question is will it make you blind
or will it make your senses sharper
fuck man i never wanna go blind because i wont be able to see the game unless i like taste it with my tounge or some shit
then again im pretty sure taste buds can't form images
or sense color
or light
fuck man i dont wanna go blind i gotta game man ya feel me
my strats require deagle sight so i wear shades when i game with the lights out so nothing can distract me
kinda funny because if i went blind i'd look the same
save for the fact i'd be wearing shades 24/7
and be unable to see anything ever again
or play video games
or read sweet fucking gaming tips my squad sends me
fuck man id be like the one guy in a 4 player team thatd be nothing but a burden with skills i cant even use
because i wouldnt be able to see
i wanna try this shit so bad but i need my eyesight
cause like moonshine can make you blind
and i dont touch that shit for that specific reason

Naw man naw, this ain't alcoholic at all. It sharpens your senses something fierce with that PURE sugar rushing through your veins!

 

[The Lawgiver]

Naw man naw, this ain't alcoholic at all. It sharpens your senses something fierce with that PURE sugar rushing through your veins!

alright sweet man
ill try it out next time i bring the fires
and by fires i mean gunfire directly into some cucks face
no mercy just pure on full facial destruction via hard metal

 

[Andrew Noel Schaefer]

its also a mixer for whisky.

dew the dew

in the ass

 

[The Lawgiver]

its also a mixer for whisky.

dew the dew

in the ass

fuck man doesnt this mean you can make fucking molotovs out of it
last time i checked that was the case
shit now i'm torn on using it as awesome gaming bombs irl or just drinking it while playing not real but still very serious competitive death matches in my shooter games

 

[Andrew Noel Schaefer]

fuck man doesnt this mean you can make fucking molotovs out of it
last time i checked that was the case
shit now i'm torn on using it as awesome gaming bombs irl or just drinking it while playing not real but still very serious competitive death matches in my shooter games

Well you CAN

but it would be a waste of perfectly good Dew. Just use the vodka.

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

I'm interested in this. Is it even better than baja blast?

 

[Broseph Stalin]

I'm interested in this. Is it even better than baja blast?

It makes Baja Blast look like a diabetic Mexican's piss filtered through a gym sock

 

[Hodor]

I'm interested in this. Is it even better than baja blast?

It's basically pure sugar with a weirdly alcoholic aftertaste.

 

[Andrew Noel Schaefer]

I'm interested in this. Is it even better than baja blast?

>Not white out

come on flowers.

and no