Mass Effect Andromeda: Shitstorm Edition - RIP Biowear

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Your first point is probably what bugs me the most about this game. Commander Shepard got the job done. He was basically a fucking Navy SEAL in universe and dammit he acted like one. He had his moments of levity and he could even be a little awkward. But never once did you question why people respected him as a leader.

Contrast with Ryders, who act like they walked strsighs out of some CW drama. This is what happens when you let shipperfags write your story. It's obvious these people would rather stick the characters in a coffee shop or similar mundane setting. The space marine stuff is an obstacle for them, not the appeal.

If Sara Ryder served aboard the Normandy, Shepard would be fucking embarrassed.

Wasn’t there a whole fancomic series about “If Shepard was the MC of Andromeda”?

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

You act like this was a bug and not a feature. Identity politicians make terrible writers and can't into drama effectively, don't like their characters overcoming adversity, and don't like their creations needing flaws or complicated motivations. There's a reason that virtually no character created by such a team is worth a damn, and that's because they are incapable of nuance, complexity, or self-agency. If you noticed their heroes are always inherently right and never need to be challenged in any way, which is why, as a whole, their heroes are unspeakably fucking boring.

Characters like Riri Williams, America Chavez, Rey from the new Star Wars movies, the Ryder siblings, and so on don't have the same capacity for characterization or motivation their predecessors did. You will never see, for example, a character that has to learn their distrust of people is misplaced, that they are not entitled to be the sole arbiter in their friends lives, that if they lose themselves on the road to power, they will become what they hate, or that they can't save everyone. Everyone will automatically love them except the bad guys (who will have no sympathetic element whatsoever). Throw in some identity politics narratives no matter how forced and you have your average SocJus work.

They write like this because they fundamentally don't believe in escapism. Nothing must be allowed to stop you from being prostelytized to, not even things like logic or profitability. All must serve the almighty narrative, or be shunned. They will not be satisfied until all entertainment is like this, as soulless and vapid as they are, or until their ideology finally runs aground for good. Thankfully, the free market gives not the beginnnings of a fuck and is more than happy to show them where to stick it.

I miss when you could cold-cock a reporter for annoying you and still be considered the hero

 

[vertexwindi]

I miss when you could cold-cock a reporter for annoying you and still be considered the hero

Bitch had it coming tbh

 

[Ginger Piglet]

I miss when you could cold-cock a reporter for annoying you and still be considered the hero

To be fair Khalisah al-Jilani was kinda put up as the in-game equivalent of Rupert Murdoch (boo! hiss!) so it was acceptable in the circumstances.

 

[Your Weird Fetish]

If Sara Ryder served aboard the Normandy, Shepard would be fucking embarrassed.

He would have talked to her about her father then banged her, actually.

 

[DangerousGas]

Apparently, Casey Hudson has been quoted as saying that the Mass Effect franchise isn't dead yet - he wants to go and make a new ME game at some point. This was appended to the end of an article about Anthem, so I'd take it with a grain of salt, but I'm torn between being entertained and depressed by how badly they could fuck it up further, and faintly hopeful that they might actually get their A team back on the case.

 

[_blank_]

Apparently, Casey Hudson has been quoted as saying that the Mass Effect franchise isn't dead yet - he wants to go and make a new ME game at some point. This was appended to the end of an article about Anthem, so I'd take it with a grain of salt, but I'm torn between being entertained and depressed by how badly they could fuck it up further, and faintly hopeful that they might actually get their A team back on the case.

Well, if this year's E3 is anything to go by, if Anthem turns out to be a steaming pile and EA decides to shutter Bioware, we can rest assured that sometime down the road we can all revel in the joy of Mass Effect: Mobile Edition. Just make sure to save up some money so you can afford those Paragon Points and tap tap tap you way to saving the galaxy!

...I just made myself sad.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

Apparently, Casey Hudson has been quoted as saying that the Mass Effect franchise isn't dead yet - he wants to go and make a new ME game at some point. This was appended to the end of an article about Anthem, so I'd take it with a grain of salt, but I'm torn between being entertained and depressed by how badly they could fuck it up further, and faintly hopeful that they might actually get their A team back on the case.

They've probably realized that there are people (like me) who still enjoy the trilogy enough to replay it and ignore Andromeda so they still have a few hopes to dash. There's still some dead horse left to flog it seems.

 

[DangerousGas]

They've probably realized that there are people (like me) who still enjoy the trilogy enough to replay it and ignore Andromeda so they still have a few hopes to dash. There's still some dead horse left to flog it seems.

Yeah, I'm in much the same boat. I clocked andromeda, regretted teh experience, then spun up the ps3 to get back to the good times.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

Yeah, I'm in much the same boat. I clocked andromeda, regretted teh experience, then spun up the ps3 to get back to the good times.

You've got to be true experts at bending a franchise over and fucking it to kill something as amazing as Mass Effect with 1 bad game out of 4. Plenty of current franchises have had 'bad' games.

 

[drtoboggan]

You act like this was a bug and not a feature. Identity politicians make terrible writers and can't into drama effectively, don't like their characters overcoming adversity, and don't like their creations needing flaws or complicated motivations. There's a reason that virtually no character created by such a team is worth a damn, and that's because they are incapable of nuance, complexity, or self-agency. If you noticed their heroes are always inherently right and never need to be challenged in any way, which is why, as a whole, their heroes are unspeakably fucking boring.

Characters like Riri Williams, America Chavez, Rey from the new Star Wars movies, the Ryder siblings, and so on don't have the same capacity for characterization or motivation their predecessors did. You will never see, for example, a character that has to learn their distrust of people is misplaced, that they are not entitled to be the sole arbiter in their friends lives, that if they lose themselves on the road to power, they will become what they hate, or that they can't save everyone. Everyone will automatically love them except the bad guys (who will have no sympathetic element whatsoever). Throw in some identity politics narratives no matter how forced and you have your average SocJus work.

They write like this because they fundamentally don't believe in escapism. Nothing must be allowed to stop you from being prostelytized to, not even things like logic or profitability. All must serve the almighty narrative, or be shunned. They will not be satisfied until all entertainment is like this, as soulless and vapid as they are, or until their ideology finally runs aground for good. Thankfully, the free market gives not the beginnnings of a fuck and is more than happy to show them where to stick it.

That’s because men are better than women.

 

[QB 290]

At this point, I'd rather the series just end. It will end on a sad, depressing, humiliating note but if there's anything modern day media has taught us, things can always get worse.
Andromeda was really bad but it didn't de-value the original trilogy, made it even better just by comparison really and even if casey Hudson and competent staff got back on board, EA is still there to fuck it all up, as they usually do.

 

[Your Weird Fetish]

How bad was Andromeda that people that thought Mass Effect 3 was a good game hated it, anyway? I mean I was never a huge fan, stopped after ME2. But really, how bad could it be?

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

How bad was Andromeda that people that thought Mass Effect 3 was a good game hated it, anyway? I mean I was never a huge fan, stopped after ME2. But really, how bad could it be?

So here't the thing. Mass Effect One was amazing foreplay, top quality blowjob finger in the ass fondling the balls kinda thing. Mass Effect 2 was mind blowing sex, every position, the full internal combustion engine, suck, squeeze, bang blow right? Mass Effect 3 was that late in the evening handjob. She's tired, it's ok and you appreciate the effort and when it's over you have no regrets but you can't wait to start again and enjoy the good stuff. Mass Effect Andromeda is all of the above except with ADF and his brand new Stinkditch. It's all there but you just don't want it because of everything it comes with.

 

[Your Weird Fetish]

That analogy did nothing to help me. In fact it did less than nothing because it made me think of doing all that with a Bioware writer and now I feel sick.

 

[QB 290]

So here't the thing. Mass Effect One was amazing foreplay, top quality blowjob finger in the ass fondling the balls kinda thing. Mass Effect 2 was mind blowing sex, every position, the full internal combustion engine, suck, squeeze, bang blow right? Mass Effect 3 was that late in the evening handjob. She's tired, it's ok and you appreciate the effort and when it's over you have no regrets but you can't wait to start again and enjoy the good stuff. Mass Effect Andromeda is all of the above except with ADF and his brand new Stinkditch. It's all there but you just don't want it because of everything it comes with.

Same analogy but with food instead.
Mass effect 1 was a delicious tomato and basil soup starter. You taste it and you instantly feel how much work went into it, it feels experimental and a bit un-refined but that tomato world building, the spice of player choice and the texture of the (for the time) graphics tasted fantastic, and you wanted more.
Then comes the main course, mass effect 2 roast beef with baked botato, carrots, broccoli and onion gravy. Near perfection, the flavours blend and work together to taste brilliant, with the presentation looking fit for a king and enough substance for you to take your time. And it just made you hungrier.
Then comes the desert, mass effect ice cream, it was good, not as great as the first two courses but was sweet enough to invest time, although you can tell it came straight out of the fridge. Then you get an awful aftertaste and it almost ruins the meal. You complain to the waiter and they offer you some chocolate as compensation, it doesn't remove the bad aftertaste but it makes it a bit better and the ice cream seems worth it now.

But then you go back to the restaurant the next day and its changed hands. They offer you the same meal and they say its even better then before, but it's all in one course. It tastes awful, the tastes work against each other and eating it can't end soon enough, you complain and the chef calls you a bad customer, the waiters offer you compensation but you never get it and all you're left with is the memory of the meal you had the day before.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

How bad was Andromeda that people that thought Mass Effect 3 was a good game hated it, anyway? I mean I was never a huge fan, stopped after ME2. But really, how bad could it be?

Mass Effect 3 wasn't a bad game. In fact, gameplay-wise it was the best entry in the series. It's story was also pretty decent, up until the last twenty minutes where it just completely shits the bed.

 

[Your Weird Fetish]

Mass Effect 3 wasn't a bad game. In fact, gameplay-wise it was the best entry in the series. It's story was also pretty decent, up until the last twenty minutes where it just completely shits the bed.

Yeah see this is what I don't get. ME3 looked for all the world like a writing trainwreck attached to a half decent cover shooter with thin RPG elements on top. How is Andromeda so much worse that people that think it's story was decent hate Andromeda? There must have been some hilariously bad, Dragon Age 2 levels of stupid in it but mostly the meme videos just focused on glitchiness and bad graphics.

 

[Overcast]

So here't the thing. Mass Effect One was amazing foreplay, top quality blowjob finger in the ass fondling the balls kinda thing. Mass Effect 2 was mind blowing sex, every position, the full internal combustion engine, suck, squeeze, bang blow right? Mass Effect 3 was that late in the evening handjob. She's tired, it's ok and you appreciate the effort and when it's over you have no regrets but you can't wait to start again and enjoy the good stuff. Mass Effect Andromeda is all of the above except with ADF and his brand new Stinkditch. It's all there but you just don't want it because of everything it comes with.

I’d say 3 was more like she decides to throw in some drugs into the mix, the sex is great up until right when you two are close to orgasming, she starts to OD. Everything comes to a halt and she has to go to the hospital.

Then you’re just sitting there, wondering if she’s going to be okay, and then the doctor comes out and you find she’s in a coma. They have no idea if she’ll wake up.

You spend months in denial. You’re angry, you’re upset, you wonder if you could have prevented what happened.

Andromeda I’d imagine would be when she wakes up. But it’s been years. She’s a different person. No longer the woman you fell in love with. It’s bittersweet, and you don’t want things to end, but they ultimately do.

Bit of a hyperbole but there you go.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

Yeah see this is what I don't get. ME3 looked for all the world like a writing trainwreck attached to a half decent cover shooter with thin RPG elements on top. How is Andromeda so much worse that people that think it's story was decent hate Andromeda? There must have been some hilariously bad, Dragon Age 2 levels of stupid in it but mostly the meme videos just focused on glitchiness and bad graphics.

3 wasn't a writing trainwreck. Ignore the autistic sex analogies people are giving you.

3's story was servicible. The overall storyline was a little muddled with a convenient McGuffin you had to build to stop the Reapers. But the other major element--going around the Galaxy and recruiting the various races while dodging Reaper attacks was spot on. Narratively it made a lot more sense than ME2, which while good still had that dumb angle of "Shepard is now aiding a terrorist cell for no reason". It's also where the characters are strongest, especially Mordan, Wrex, and Ashley/Kaiden.

Andromeda however is just a bunch of sexually mal-adjusted high schoolers pretending to be space marines living out some fat Trekkie girl's fan fiction blog.