💀 Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Quiet Dignity]

"Where's the party?" is a nervous tic, his last line of defence when he's cornered and confronted directly with the bare truth of how his situation is wholly his own fault. When that's from someone else, he types it. When it's from within, he says it out loud, and on video.

Paradoxically some of Lucas' most insane repetitive babble comes I believe at moments of heightened inner clarity when he's at his most self-loathing and frightened, and trying to whip himself up and distract himself from the inner voice by getting into character as The Wern.

(ETA By "into character" I don't mean his bullshit 'comedy' 'act', I mean like his internal narrative. A fool trying to fool himself.)

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Fatty really bought a whole bottle of ranch for one burrito. Assuming he didn't use it all for dipping I bet he chugged it afterward like that bottle of peanut sauce last summer

 

[mothman96]

Is the biology teacher giving all the students in the class the test answers or just Lucas so he'll pass biology this time around and won't get kicked off financial aid.

 

[OnMeDick]

Is the biology teacher giving all the students in the class the test answers or just Lucas so he'll pass biology this time around and won't get kicked off financial aid.

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Probably just a practice quiz and answers so that students can see if they got them right. Lucas probably thinks it’s the real test and is memorizing the answers like a tard. He’ll just fill in the practice test answers verbatim in the real test and fail, and then reee how the teacher lied to him

 

[mothman96]

Probably just a practice quiz and answers so that students can see if they got them right. Lucas probably thinks it’s the real test and is memorizing the answers like a tard. He’ll just fill in the practice test answers verbatim in the real test and fail, and then reee how the teacher lied to him

Lucas doesn't have it in him to pass biology. And he doesn't have it in him to pass remedial Algebra. After getting on the "honor roll" that Winter quarter, there is shady stuff going on at that college. We'll see what happens this quarter.

 

[OnMeDick]

Lucas doesn't have it in him to pass biology. And he doesn't have it in him to pass remedial Algebra. After getting on the "honor roll" that Winter quarter, there is shady stuff going on at that college. We'll see what happens this quarter.

I think honor roll at CC basically means you showed up most every day and didn’t shit yourself in class. I’m not being some elitist, I went to a CC before transferring to a uni to get my Bsc. CC standards were...not terribly high

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

There is an honor roll for SCC, which I was surprised by. Qualifications are 3.0 GPA, and as you can see on https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2020/may/23/spokane-community-college-winter-2020-honor-roll/, there's hundreds of people that earn this.

 

[mothman96]

I think honor roll at CC basically means you showed up most every day and didn’t shit yourself in class. I’m not being some elitist, I went to a CC before transferring to a uni to get my Bsc. CC standards were...not terribly high

In my neck of the woods, he would not have made it through 1 semester in community college.

 

[Twrx]

Out of curiosity, as Dr Werner's PhD credentials have been brought up again today, how long does a PhD take to achieve in the US?

In Scotland, a bachelor's is 4 years, a masters 1 or 2, and then anything from 4-8 years to obtain a PhD. With this timeline, it's put him around 51-56, and that's if he ever actually takes a full course load at undergrad level.

I just think there'd be nothing funnier than him actually achieving his PhD and proving his dumb 'men 40-55 have super spunk' theory, but being too old to 'profit' of it by that point.

I can't find the video, but at one point he said it was going to take him 20 years to get a PhD.

 

[Wernology]

Well, looks like I get to sit through putting a compilation of shirtless Lucas blowing his money on shitty motel rooms and overpriced food tonight.

 

[ClownBrew]

I think honor roll at CC basically means you showed up most every day and didn’t shit yourself in class.

For Lucas, that's still a pretty high bar to clear. Let's give the man some credit where it's due here, people.

 

[mothman96]

He's gorging. Now it's Clinkerdagger.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Literally everybody saw this coming.

 

[OnMeDick]

He's gorging. Now it's Clinkerdagger.

It’s so disgusting to hear him eat that prime rib. And his math ‘it’s 28 oz, that’s like a lb...16 oz’...I wasn’t sure if he was saying out loud a lb is 16 oz or if he thinks 28 oz is ‘a lb and 16 oz’

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

Well, looks like I get to sit through putting a compilation of shirtless Lucas blowing his money on shitty motel rooms and overpriced food tonight.

Your sacrifice is appreciated, man.

 

[Wernology]

Your sacrifice is appreciated, man.

This alone is enough to be marketed as an effective diet plan.

Just tape stills of it to the fridge door.






I think that last one is going to be the video thumbnail unless he out-disgustings even himself.

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

This alone is enough to be marketed as an effective diet plan.

Just tape stills of it to the fridge door.

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I think that last one is going to be the video thumbnail unless he out-disgustings even himself.

I can already tell that it's gonna be a tough watch; just looking at those stills makes me want to put on an industrial gauntlet and slap his face round to the back of his head...

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

28oz of prime rib from Clinkerdagger is $89, + drink + 5% takeout fee which is at least $5 + plus whatever deliver/Doordash shit fee. Over $100, and he feels obligated to brag about wasting this money. How is he this stupid.

 

[mothman96]

28oz of prime rib from Clinkerdagger is $89, + drink + 5% takeout fee which is at least $5 + plus whatever deliver/Doordash shit fee. Over $100, and he feels obligated to brag about wasting this money. How is he this stupid.

It's much, much more. In the 1st video he shows salmon salad to the right, to the left of the prime rib there is a pan of longhorn brisket, beans, coleslaw etc. Looks like he ordered from another place too.

 

[ThomasAudley]

GOOD FUCKING LORD THE GLUTTONY IS APPALLING!!!

The funny thing is, Lucas could potentially monetize mukbang but he doesn’t even know that’s a thing. He’s had a burrito with a whole bottle of ranch, now he’s ordered two entrees from clinkernigger plus brisket and all the sides, rolls and sauce all over the desk at the 6.

Think he’s gonna gorge on it all and go into diabetic shock tonight, or let the meat sit out all night and day and give him food poisoning tomorrow?