Lolcow Biblical Madlibs - Like a lily among thorns is my thread among the other shitposts.

[JustSomeDong]

I did a quick one for a shitpost, and it was fun. Should we collectively have a go at it? I suck at madlibs, to be honest, but they can still be fun doing stuff like this.

Ground rules:
1: I'm using the Common Jewish Version, like all good little goyim who love Israel, our Greatest Ally™, should. But use whatever Holy text you want. Be creative and esoteric, even.
2: profit I'm using https://www.biblegateway.com/ for reference, so maybe attribute your choice. Most of the real, non-cult religions have free texts online. Even the tiny hat ones. At the least post the original verse and the name of the Book, and the original passage first.
3: Post Three.

We'll use Fatrick to start us off, should be an easy one.
John 3:16 & Patrick Tomlinson - Enjoy blasphemy, child

16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only and unique Son, so that everyone who trusts in him may have eternal life, instead of being utterly destroyed.

16 “For Pat so loved the twitter that he gave his only and unique Niggeroni, so that everyone who tweets at him may have eternal prison, instead of being utterly criminal stalker children.

Revelations 16:1 & Liz Fong Jones - The Genesis of this idea, you might say

16 I heard a loud voice from the sanctuary say to the seven angels, “Go, and pour out on the earth the seven bowls of God’s fury!”

16 I heard a loud voice from the Discord say to the seven jannies, “Go, and pour out on the Internet the seven bowls of Liz Fong Jone's fury!”

Lamentations 1:3 & Ethan Ralph - I know its like shooting a hog in a barrel, and I'm okay with it. The corn demands it.

3 Y’hudah has fled into exile
from oppression and endless slavery.
She lives among the nations,
but there she finds no rest.
Her pursuers have all overtaken her
in the midst of her distress.

3 Ethan has fled into exile
from litigation and endless child support judgements.
He lives among the beaners,
But there he finds no rest.
His paypigs have all abandoned him.
in the midst of his hollerin'.

Anyone interested in giving it a go?

 

[CallmeCicada]

“Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him.” -Mark 16:6

“Don’t call anyone!,” he said. “You are looking for Christan Weston Chandler of Ruckersville Virgina who was wrongfully accused. Sonic's arms are not blue! They are not blue. See the picture where I fixed them.”