Least Favorite Novels

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Grand Duke Snowfall

Grand Duke Snowfall

Kentucky Fried Orphans
kiwifarms.net
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4 de Jul, 2022
Exactly what it says on the tin. Talk about books you didn’t like and why you think they suck. I was going to say “least favorite classics” but I think having a broader topic couldn’t hurt.

To start, A Tale of Two Cities was one of my least favorites to read in school. It was a bloated, hard to follow slog, one of the few cases where I enjoyed the movie more than the book. I couldn’t get through Walden either, something about Thoreau’s writing just bugged me.

As for something more modern, I wanted to like The Graveyard Book (this was long before I found out how much Gaiman sucks), but I feel like it suffered from being a one off. And I can’t stand endings where the protagonist loses all his powers, especially since he spent the whole damn book learning how to use them. Bod also felt like such a dull protagonist. I know he was raised by ghosts, but somehow he’s way less expressive than they are.
 
I found Anthem by Ayn Rand to be incredibly dull and lecturing. Same with the Handmaid's Tale.

When I read a bunch of religious and philosophical works, I thought Marcus Aurelius' meditations were overrated. Mostly because its the guy's diary, not an actual book, so its mostly him just circling back to a few thoughts a bunch. I think the other Stoic writers were all better, though they had the advantage of actually intending to write the books or present the lectures that we have recorded.

The worst book I ever read was the Quran. I don't mean in terms of philosophy, or theology, though it is insipid in those regards, but it is a meandering ramble. It organizes the alleged revelations that took place over 20+ years, and sorts them by length. There is no cohesive narrative, there is no particular thread of thought it follows. It is fucking bizarre, and I for the life of me cannot figure out why it was compiled this way.
 
The Mass Shooter Ron Soye dijo:
Wow. I guess you could reorder it: https://wikiislam.net/wiki/Chronological_Order_of_the_Qur'an
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Yeah, the copy I had did show what the order was (or at least, the most common perspective), and occasionally commented on it in the footnotes, but all the Qurans I saw are still printed in order of Surah length.

Honestly, even if it was in order, it wouldn't help much. There's no narrative, and it only haphazardly references Biblical figures. Its mostly just a bunch of commands, and Allah having to reassure Muhammad that he's totally not crazy.
 
A Very Big Fish dijo:
The worst book I ever read was the Quran. I don't mean in terms of philosophy, or theology, though it is insipid in those regards, but it is a meandering ramble. It organizes the alleged revelations that took place over 20+ years, and sorts them by length. There is no cohesive narrative, there is no particular thread of thought it follows. It is fucking bizarre, and I for the life of me cannot figure out why it was compiled this way.
Presiona para expandir...
I have been told by muslims that the reason the Quran is organized the way it is, is to aid in memorizing it for oral recitation. While some elements of that make mnemonic sense (surah names) others don't (general overall organization by length).
 
Had a friend in college who introduced me to Bataille. Story of the Eye is clearly one of the most disgusting things I've ever read. Seriously, steer clear from it.

Very evident that I'm no longer associated with that nigga. His circle was filled with those accelerationist types. Probably if not alot more insane than rationalists.

Grand Duke Snowfall dijo:
As for something more modern, I wanted to like The Graveyard Book (this was long before I found out how much Gaiman sucks), but I feel like it suffered from being a one off. And I can’t stand endings where the protagonist loses all his powers, especially since he spent the whole damn book learning how to use them. Bod also felt like such a dull protagonist. I know he was raised by ghosts, but somehow he’s way less expressive than they are.
Presiona para expandir...

His books always sucked. Good Omens is a prototype of Hazbin Hotel - it was clearly trying to write for an edgy American audience as a shitty introduction to British humor. American Gods looks like it was written by a 15 year old who recently got into mythology. It's kind of evident that Pratchett had already distanced himself from Gaiman after trying to become one of those British American sellouts.
 
Life of Pi. Your parents are fucking dead, along with an entire ship and her crew and you decide to lead the investigators on a false story about you surviving with animals? What a smug piece of shit. Say that in front of the families of all those crew members, ya prick!
 
Catcher in the Rye. Didn't have to read it for school, but it was one of the books that was on this big ass bookshelf my grandparents had when I would stay with them during the summers as a kid, when I would read books from their shelf because I was bored. I read it in a day, it's not very long, but I found it to be one of the most up-its-own-ass pieces of shit I've ever read. And I'm pretty sure I was the target audience since I was like 12 when I read it, but I didn't find Holden Caulfield to be relatable at all, I thought he was a shitty protagonist and a retard. I think J.D. Sallinger is a good writer, it's a very readable book like I said dipshit me at age 12 got through it in a day, it's just not very good.
 
I second Life of Pi. I hated most of the books we were forced to read in highschool, but that one was especially annoying. The teacher was acting like it was something profound. The book I want to throw out and consider each time I look at my bookshelf is Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance . This was another book forced in english AP in HS. Straight trash that parades about in literature circles as something unique and interesting. It's hawked by pseudo-intellectuals and teachers. Both are groups that should be mocked and scorned.
 
White Noise by Don DeLillo

Think of every stereotype about postmodernism and the people who tout postmodernism, every fart-huffing, pretentious, wide as a lake but deep as a puddle symbolism, blatant propaganda pushing, agenda-driven drivel and this trash not even fit to line a birdcage exemplifies it. I hated this book with a passion when I read it in college, and over twenty years later I still haven’t forgotten it. That’s not a good thing.
 
If it's actually just least favorite novel, then those old Star Wars novels, which are merely commercial pulp for stupid preteen readers (like me). Then there's Bored of the Rings, which should rightfully just be a chapter-long parody in a high-school newspaper, but like too little butter spread over too much bread, has been inexplicably turned into a short novel to rip off gullible Tolkien fans (like me).

If we're on classics only, then Crime and Punishment. A great book that stumbles on its ponderous writing. Its prose is like a whale sitting on a beach, that the entire townful of villagers, desperate for meaning (like me) must spend an entire day laboriously rescuing if they want to enjoy seeing it just breach the surface a few times.
 
Dan of Steel dijo:
Catcher in the Rye.
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holyhandgrenade dijo:
I hate the catcher in the rye so much. People have analyzed it to fucking death so they think the kid was molested or something, but he's just a whiny fucking faggot.
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Took the words right out of my mouth. I also don't recall any actual character growth.

I think Bird Box is one of the greatest books I've ever read. Its sequel, Malorie, was disappointing; some elements felt like ass pulls or were too coincidental, and the mystery of the creatures and one character (the most terrifying parts of the story) are explained. I know the author had planned out the whole story, but ending it after the first novel would have been much better.
 
I had to stop reading the Dark Tower by book three because each book was getting longer and longer and I just didn't care. I've come to the realization that I really only like Kings short stories.
 
A Very Big Fish dijo:
The worst book I ever read was the Quran. I don't mean in terms of philosophy, or theology, though it is insipid in those regards, but it is a meandering ramble. It organizes the alleged revelations that took place over 20+ years, and sorts them by length.
Presiona para expandir...
I couldn't even finish it. Mine was a "study" version, an English translation with added insight from various Islamic scholars. I've read numerous religious texts, from the Bible, The Tao De Ching, esoteric new age occult stuff, all sorts of shit. The Quran was fucking incomprehensible. For those of you who want an idea, take every book in the bible, scramble the order randomly, then condense them into a single book one third the size of the New Testament. Genesis to The Gospels to Kings to Ruth To Ezra to Exodus back to The Gospels to Genesis. It blew my mind. And not in a quotation sort of way, like when Christ talks of prior events in the Bible, but more in the way a 6 year old tells you about a dream they had. Where things are mentioned out of order, no clear emphasis on what is important, darting from point to point with no thread to follow. Reading the Quran and Hadiths ( A separate yet equally important book, also bad) made me write off Islam in its entirety.

To give a book of my own. For school we had to read "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin. Holy fuck it was so boring. It was also written with plain, dead pan language to the point of comedy. The only part I can distinctly recall was a moment where the main character regretted having her children and was discussing this with another character and the text read something like, "She felt she was on the verge of some great cliff, stepping off into a prior unknown precipice, an.....Awakening!" The most corny shit I've read in a book that old ever.
 
I'll have to look for the name, but it was some young adult (I didn't realize it was young adult at the time) fantasy novel where in the first 7 or so chapters they:
1. Killed off the most important king of the setting who was a giant who could turn human and his kids were half giants or some shit.
2. Established that the adopted kid he had was super fucking evil and in like his introduction chapter he fucking kills some chick he was trying to sleep with and had his evil henchman dispose of her.

Ok I thought I could remember more but those were the two big ones. I just remember reading the stuff around that and going "Wow, I don't fucking care about this story anymore" and I never picked up that book again.

I'll be looking up the name of the book on my own, but I'm posting now to see if a kiwifarmer can decipher my schizoposting and maybe tell me I'm big stupid.
 
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