Kiwis share their sex stories - :story: Anyways, how's your sex life?

[AMHOLIO]

Post your sex stories here. It could be abojt who you banged, weird sexual encounters, how good you are in bed ( ), anything related to you or other kiwis having sex. Prove that you're not kissless virgins.

And feel free to quote & post notable post about kiwis talking about their sex lives here. Here's an infamous one.

 

[Drkinferno72]

Banged a Muslim chick, her brother chased me out of the apartment with a knife. Would smash again

 

[Atlictoal]

I once put my penis in the chutiya and I came and farted everywhere

 

[AMHOLIO]

Banged a Muslim chick, her brother chased me out of the apartment with a knife. Would smash again

This is the most literal islamic related content to start the thread with, good job on not being metaphorical islamic. Did you get injured?

 

[Butterschmalz]

My story ended up on the news:

 

[Drkinferno72]

This is the most literal islamic related content to start the thread with, good job on not being metaphorical islamic. Did you get injured?

Nah I laughed my ass off the whole time


It was weird, cause she couldn't take her headless thing off cause I wasn't her husband, but shes smashing white dudes on tinder?

 

[Daniel Wallace]

yeah.

 

[Lidl Drip]

Well this is gonna be a short thread.

 

[Ken Barlow]

penis

 

[Ewan McGregor]

Nah I laughed my ass off the whole time


It was weird, cause she couldn't take her headless thing off cause I wasn't her husband, but shes smashing white dudes on tinder?

This is very common with muslim chicks, they're up to all sort of depraved stuff as long as they wear their head shit. It's like they believe it magically keeps them pure and innocent and all that shit they have to pretend they are to please their ugly men.

 

[GradeAGobbleDeeGook]

i once had the sex with a woman, in her vagina too if you dont believe me
she said "ooo" and i said "aaa", because it was sex i was having btw, and then i went home afterwards, it was very sexy
thank you for listening to my story!

 

[The Hero of Kvatch]

Nobody on Kiwi Farms has ever had, or ever will have sex.

Signing up here flips an invisible switch and automatically repulses all women (or men) from you.

 

[Ewan McGregor]

Nobody on Kiwi Farms has ever had, or ever will have sex.

Signing up here flips an invisible switch and automatically repulses all women (or men) from you.

I once nearly had sex, but...

The man in the pickle suit tricked me again...

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Here's one of mine:

https://www.golocalprov.com/news/police-warn-of-rapist-at-large-in-providence-urging-residents-to-lock-doors

 

[Larry Potterfield]

Nobody on Kiwi Farms has ever had, or ever will have sex.

Signing up here flips an invisible switch and automatically repulses all women (or men) from you.

Even if you've had sex, joining this site immediately returns your virginity to you. Your sex skill is reset to 0.

 

[SNU]

Sex isn't real. You fell for the meme.

 

[Precious Bodily Fluids]

If anything I think being on the farms helped me to better understand the fairer sex to a degree: reading various posts on here over the past couple years from kiwettes, who often speak more plainly than usual on a variety of topics, is good for helping me build a more informed mental model of what's going on in their estrogen-addled brains in general. Especially given the usual "preference falsification" that women are prone to do.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I like to have a Martini,

Two at the very most.

After three I’m under the table,

After four I’m under my host.

 

[BULLY HUNTER_78]

If you call the chair in hotel rooms "the cuck chair," you're a virgin who's idea of sex is informed by your porn addiction.

If you call it "the blowjob chair," you've had sex in a hotel room before.

 

[AMHOLIO]

If you call the chair in hotel rooms "the cuck chair," you're a virgin who's idea of sex is informed by your porn addiction.

That's optimistic. They could be a virgin and watched others have sex while they sat in the cuck chair. So even worse.