Kitchen/Cooking Injuries - Share your worst

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General Emílio Médici dijo:
Mandolins are fucking scary. I am glad the one I have comes with a little safety thing where I can stick the onion/potato/whatever to slice on it instead of using my actual hands
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Mine came with one too, but it was plastic so it grated plastic instead of fingers. Usually I only cut half of the veg, and the other goes into my broth stock.
 
Brenda Holiday dijo:
Not really an injury more stupidity but I used my bare hands to scrape out the seeds of about eight sliced jalapenos... it was a very strange and uncomfortable sensation in my fingertips for the day.
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YOU MADE ME REMEMBER SOMETHING

Many moons ago, when Medvedev was just a wee boy, he would often make food for his friends. I would often host parties and make all of the food for my friends in highschool. One day I wanted to make Jalapeno poppers for a party I would be hosting. I had made them before with no issues. But this Particular day, we played volleyball in gym and my hands had gotten slightly bruised from setting up and spiking the ball. The juices from the peppers had seeped into my hands and what was a mild burning sensation to begin with turned into a multi day infernal hell of my hands feeling on fire. I also also had cut Habaneros that day for the filling of the poppers (my friends and I loved to torcher each other, what better way that spicy food). I have never made that mistake again, always careful when dealing with spicy food. Spicy food is wonderful, having your hands burn for 3 days because you are a dumbass is not
 
I have a tendency to accidentally splash hot liquids on my hands and scald myself. Once accidentally stabbed a butter knife into my palm, no scar though. If it counts, though, my bottom left canine is flat from getting scraped by the canine above it while eating once.
 
My high school job was at a fried chicken place, and my first adult job was cooking in a mom and pop restaurant. At home I only have maybe one minor cut or burn a year, but at work I injured myself in almost every way it's possible to injure oneself in a kitchen. I guess I'm more of a professional fuckup than an amateur one.

I'm convinced the mandoline was invented by a sadistic monster who collects a bonus check from the demons in hell (where he is burning for eternity) every time someone squares off a fingertip with one.

One that really sticks out to me was the time I sliced my hand on a knife someone put in a sink full of soapy water. I was super unhappy about that one. If you put a knife in a sink full of soapy water for someone else to discover, you are the niggeriest nigger in all of niggerdom.
 
I have only seriously cut myself in the kitchen once and I wasn't even chopping, I was cleaning the knife like a retard. Left a cute scar on my index finger. I have never used a mandolin because I enjoy having all my fingers intact.
 
OrionBalls dijo:
For jalepeño burns, use Lava soap. Does the trick, every time. He uses it to get engine/machine oil off, I use it for when I'm prepping peppers. Truly a soap that transcends gender.
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I love Lava soap and it's great when rubbing insect bites or blackheads. Unfortunately, it's hard to find and more expensive than the typical bar soaps I use; plus I'm pretty sure it used to be MORE gritty.

Thread tax: I have a giant scar on my middle finger from eight and a half years ago involving a sink and a glass tumbler.
 
Eh, several tiny light scars around my fingertips, no biggie. It doesn't even qualify me as goth or troubled. Cuts doesn't bother me as much as burns, I hate burns.
 
I put my hand on a glass-top stove when the burner was on full blast. Didn't pull it away for a whole-ass second. Left a burn on my right hand, the padding below the thumb. It was bright red for a bit. Still don't know how it didn't get infected.

My mom put some sort of burn jelly on it and then put a dishwashing glove on that hand. I remember the glove was yellow. I must've been five or so at the time.

Sneed's Feed And Seed dijo:
First time I was being an autistic retard and trying to "ninja" a tomato by tossing it in the air and slicing it. Almost died due to massive blood loss because I didn't know you had to put pressure on wounds.
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How the hell would you get massive blood loss from a cut on your middle finger? Did you slice it off or something?
 
Zhores Medvedev dijo:
YOU MADE ME REMEMBER SOMETHING

Many moons ago, when Medvedev was just a wee boy, he would often make food for his friends. I would often host parties and make all of the food for my friends in highschool. One day I wanted to make Jalapeno poppers for a party I would be hosting. I had made them before with no issues. But this Particular day, we played volleyball in gym and my hands had gotten slightly bruised from setting up and spiking the ball. The juices from the peppers had seeped into my hands and what was a mild burning sensation to begin with turned into a multi day infernal hell of my hands feeling on fire. I also also had cut Habaneros that day for the filling of the poppers (my friends and I loved to torcher each other, what better way that spicy food). I have never made that mistake again, always careful when dealing with spicy food. Spicy food is wonderful, having your hands burn for 3 days because you are a dumbass is not
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The best/worst part is that first time you have to go to the bathroom afterwards. It is in fact possible to mace your dick.
 
Not on kitchen though, but was working a very busy shift in a bar and the knives were dull because the manager is a retard who refused to get a stone for the bar staff. Was handed a dull knife and had to chop some lemons real quick for a waiter. Knife went through the lemon and to my finger. Bleed quite a bit and lost a good amount of time to hygiene the bar. Next very day manager got a stone for the bar but i never worked a shift there since and now i always bring my own knife, stone and honing steel wherever i work.
 
I will just say I hate mandolins and will resort to hand-slicing going forward because I have lost several fingertips to them now
It's much easier when you can run the blade against your knuckles and not have to use a cumbersome hand guard that never fits
 
Not the worst one, but the most recent that came to mind because it could’ve easily been worse. Just the other day I was pan frying some burgers for dinner. I was starting to transfer the patties to a plate to rest when the excess grease started splattering. Okay, it happens. It wasn’t even that intense compared to other times.

This time, however, right after I finished plating and turned around, a drop hit me in the face, right next to the tear duct in my left eye. It was so close that I thought that it did hit it. It didn’t, thankfully, and didn’t hurt after the first minute. I still rinsed my eye under cold water for a minute anyway “just in case.”
 
There's been a few:

1.At home I cut my thumb with a serrated knife cutting cheese.
2. At school, I was putting up my knife kit and sliced my middle finger on the carving knife.
3. At work, we had a large pizza oven. I didn't realize where my arm was, so when I lifted the pizza and the peel the pizza was on, I burned my arm.
 
WhatInTheActualFuck dijo:
The best/worst part is that first time you have to go to the bathroom afterwards. It is in fact possible to mace your dick.
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Just like with spicy food you build some kind of resistance or at least familiarity with it over time...

Source: This research has been accidentally collected by me over a period of many years.
 
One time I spilled boiling hot water all over my hand while I was making ramen iirc, fucking painful. Thankfully there were no serious injuries, though.
 
After opening a can of stuffed grape leaves at work, I cut my finger on the lid. Oddly, the glove I was wearing on that hand didn't tear.
 
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