Kitchen/Cooking Injuries - Share your worst

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Jaded Optimist

Jaded Optimist

Brand Name Farmer ™
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kiwifarms.net
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4 de Mar, 2015
Well it finally happened, literal minutes after bragging about how safe I was to my husband, I sliced my finger tip off while using my mandolin. Thankfully I was slicing the last bit of potato, and the meal wasn't wrecked (Napoleon's favourite dish of sliced potatoes fried in olive oil)

Worst injury however was the time I was splattered with bacon grease and ended up with 2 blisters on my cornea.

Share your mishaps!
 
Every time I use a gas stove top I end up singeing the hair off my knuckles and wondering why my food smells so bad. There is no lesson to be learned.
 
I have matching pinkies that are both short and crooked. One is from a mandolin, one from a deli slicer. But the worst was probably when I was cleaning the deep fryer, and a battered oyster in the bottom exploded, sending oil all the way up my arm. Needed debridement of the whole thing up past the elbow, but at least it wasn't third degree. Now that arm doesn't tan. PPE, what the fuck is that?
 
I was making fondant potatoes and in order to make them you sear the potatoes then place them in an oven to finish cooking, all in an oven safe frying pan. This of course leads to the risk of you grabbing the handle of the pan, forgetting it is hot. I was wise to this and put a towel over the handle to remind myself that it was hot. Then in a 4D fuck up I spilled some stock, used the towel on the handle, then forgot to put the towel back on the handle. I went to plate the potatoes and fully gripped the handle and burnt my hand super bad. It healed fairly quickly, but I felt my sink tighten and shrink as it began to cook the outside. I've never forgot how weird that felt
 
I once accidentally gave myself some nasty burns on my hand with boiling water. The good news is that it was only on my thumb, and there were no scars. Still hurt like a fucking bitch though.
 
Cut my left middle finger. Twice.
First time I was being an autistic retard and trying to "ninja" a tomato by tossing it in the air and slicing it. Almost died due to massive blood loss because I didn't know you had to put pressure on wounds.
Second time I was trying to part a pound of frozen butter into quarters but I didn't have a clean knife so I thought scissors would do. They slipped. I sighed, rolled my eyes, wrapped the fucker in a wad of paper towels, and sat on it to apply pressure while I watched YouTube.

That or the time I burnt my (now former) FUPA taking a baking tray out of the oven.
 
All of my cooking related injuries are drunken injuries, worst was severe food poisoning if that counts, dropping a knife on my foot if it doesn't.
 
One time I dropped an egg and it got on my foot so I had to go wash it off then mop up the egg. Sorry for the graphic details.
 
I've only gotten one real cut in the kitchen and I'm not even sure how I did it. I was prepping a sheet pan full of veggies and sausage and my hands and the cutting board were wet from the veggie juice. I went to cut a sausage and it slipped on the board and I cut into my ring finger like a doofus. It was at an angle so the cut wasn't deep, and thankfully the knife was freshly sharpened so it was pretty clean.

My stupider injuries have been burns- When I make tri tip in the oven I use a cast iron pan, I start it on the stove top and finish in the oven. When I take it out of the oven I set the pan back on the stove top and immedietly place a dish towel on the handle as a "Hey retard, don't touch this"
My reason is that more than once I've looked at the pan placement on the stove and thought "That pan handle is sticking straight out and could get snagged on something, how unsafe! I will move the pan to a safer position" and grabbed the oven-hot cast iron pan handle with my bare hand to move it. My dad has done the same thing more than once so we had to establish the towel practice.
 
I tripped while trying to make zoodles with a mandolin and accidentally sliced my penis and balls into ribbons. The doctors had to give me a stinkditch. I also splashed hot bacon grease onto my hand once.
 
Ctrl F + "Mandolin," three results in the first page, as expected.*

I wear a cut-resistant glove** every single time I use a mandoline, with a nitrile glove over it to prevent the cut glove from getting nasty. One of my favorite cooking tools but one that will absolutely collect your blood and flesh the second you lose focus.


* The gender change was not expected.
** McMaster 5558T4 - ANSI level A9, the kind of shit you'd wear if you were doing glass recycling or handling sharp-ass metal stampings all day. They're thinner than you'd think, the dexterity is fine.
 
Última edición:
Testacles Maximus dijo:
you say that like tanking a finger maiming is no big deal
Presiona para expandir...
It's really not. So long as you don't shave the bone, losing a fingertip is just part of using a mandolin. Besides, they can't do much for it. Bleeds a lot because of capillaries, but so far as injuries go, it's about as standard as a grated knuckle or a jalepeño burn.
 
Testacles Maximus dijo:
you say that like tanking a finger maiming is no big deal
Presiona para expandir...
What are you going to do? They can't stitch it back on. I'm a first responder with lots of extra medical supplies, so bandage it up and keep cooking in-between changing the bandage. It'll heal, and I'll have a divit on my finger as a reminder.
 
Not really an injury more stupidity but I used my bare hands to scrape out the seeds of about eight sliced jalapenos... it was a very strange and uncomfortable sensation in my fingertips for the day.
 
Mandolins are fucking scary. I am glad the one I have comes with a little safety thing where I can stick the onion/potato/whatever to slice on it instead of using my actual hands.

Also as soon as I saw the title of the thread my mind went to that one infamous Canadian PSA.

 
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