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Kill a Kiwi - Think of it like CLUE, but without the mystery
Time: span over a week
Location: A basement
Weapon: Modern Nostalgia critic
Method: let him starve to death to modern critic
Cover: blame someone from the Critic thread
Time: span over a week
Location: A basement
Weapon: Modern Nostalgia critic
Method: let him starve to death to modern critic
Cover: blame someone from the Critic thread
Time: 3:30 AM
Location: Port Adelaide
Weapon: Any music that isn't Pink Floyd
Method: Force her/him to listen to it for 48 hours straight
Coverup: Make it look like they died of COVID-19 by dining in at the pancake place (at least until the autopsy happens, by which point I'll already have skipped town anyway)
Time: last week
Location: his thread
Weapon: text on a screen
Method: have a person he deems an expert tell him he's a walking joke who needs to calm down
Cover: none needed, and he probably would have died of obesity shortly after anyway
Time: span over a week
Location: A basement
Weapon: Modern Nostalgia critic
Method: let him starve to death to modern critic
Cover: blame someone from the Critic thread
Timespan: about a week before he offs himself out of boredom
Location: The Farms
Weapon: Null
Method: Disable ratings for him
Cover: Blame it as a site issue
Time - New Year's Eve
Place - His home in front of his computer
Weapon - The internet
Method - Dozens of his garbage news articles he likes to read and post here with subliminal messages telling him that Alyssa Milano is his space alien reptilian mom and he needs to go on a killing spree and suicide by cop because he will soon lay eggs that bring forth a race of Patton Oswalts with Alyssa-fetal alcohol syndrome boobs.
Coverup - Go to /pol/ and tell the goyim they have schizophrenia and that white people and first and second amendment rights need to be eliminated for the good of the world while rubbing my hands together.
How to kill @JosephStalin
Time - between now and at least 5 years in the future
Place - anywhere on planet Earth
Weapon - the flow of time and the process of aging, optionally an act of God
Method - simply outlive him
Cover - none required LOL grandpa
Time - Jesus fuck as soon as possible
Place - I'm here right now motherfuckers
Weapon - here's a rock, make it quick
Method - shit, feed it to me if you want to
Cover - look, here's a letter saying I asked you to do it
