KAYS COOKING

[Cherry Milk]

I hope Curleh had a nice Christmosah.

 

[Qonas]

Ahnd this is Lee's Christmos dinnoh

What on earth is this supposed to be????

 

[Shartavius]

What on earth is this supposed to be????

Being as you asked (and please click the image to enlarge for verification):

Zebras practice a particular form of infanticide; in which a stallion who has taken over a herd of mares impregnated by the previous leader (who has been replaced after being fought off and/or murdered) will brutally induce miscarriages through violent rape in which he pistons his striped cock all the way into the uterus of the mare, scrambles the foetus with thrusts comparable to using a toilet plunger after a loud argument while drunk, floods the entire womb with a bucket's worth of cum (non-striped) that, along with gravity, facilitates the contents of the scraped uterine lining (now consisting of a chunky salsa of decidua, foetal viscera, and other placental tissues) sliding and falling out of the now forcefully dilated and spasming cervix in the manner of Splash Mountain. A successfully-induced miscarriage will cause the mare to be flooded with hormones rendering her again fertile to impregnation by the current leader of the herd. The violence of the act means that any faecal matter happening to be in the mare's rectum is also likely to be voided and discharged during such attacks.

I *think* it's supposed to be that, with some glitter on it.

 

[Major von der Westfront]

I *think* it's supposed to be that, with some glitter on it.

Never thought id get a reminder about biology in a thread about a britbong's god awful cooking. Much less the accuracy.

 

[Jimmeh]

Getting worried about arr Kay. She’s not posted a spudtaytuhs video for weeks and she was on about hospital appointments in the last video. Are her days numbered?

 

[Shartavius]

Nah. The Hoylands are just lazy, parasitic blobs barely sentient enough to experience hunger and diarrhea; and the strain of pressing "record" while having nothing to say for twenty five days straight resulted in Lee taking a well-deserved vacation from what must have felt dangerously close to work.

Bisexual Lee's currently using his Good Boy Points from last month to beg his audience to report fake Lee accounts:



I don't know how this fat, crying bastard can even stand to take a piss, anymore. His sleeping cap-like foreskin and the palms of both hands have to be covered in moles by now.

Edit: I forgot to mention that Kay has done this sabbatical act many times before; wherein she receives so much negativity for doing such a bad, lazy job making recipes with the same three ingredients every week that she "punishes" her audience by starving them of content for a few weeks, before returning to again make "mince and spudtatahs wit hunyons n red leicester" for the 1,000th time without ever doing anything right or demonstrating even accidental improvement.

 

[Itspinklava]

It’s been 3 weeks since Kay’s last upload. I checked the comment section of the last video, and Kay claims to have been ill since Boxing Day.

She said she was on the mend a week ago, but 3 days ago is still claiming to be ill.

 

[Shartavius]

Oh, dear. Could it have been something she ate?

 

[FedPostalService]

It’s been 3 weeks since Kay’s last upload. I checked the comment section of the last video, and Kay claims to have been ill since Boxing Day.
Ver archivo adjunto 8437223
She said she was on the mend a week ago, but 3 days ago is still claiming to be ill.
Ver archivo adjunto 8437222

There’s been a ton of really bad colds and a really nasty variation of the flu going around here in Bongland. If it was the flu it would have knocked her for six.

 

[YaBoi]

How old is Kay? Late 50s? Any illnesses are a concern considering her awful diet and how lethargic she sounds these days. I feel like if she makes it to the 2030s, she's exceeded my predictions for her life expectancy.

 

[Shartavius]

How old is Kay? Late 50s? Any illnesses are a concern considering her awful diet and how lethargic she sounds these days. I feel like if she makes it to the 2030s, she's exceeded my predictions for her life expectancy.

Kay has far exceeded the life expectancy of whatever she is. I think she's one of these things:

 

[Itspinklava]

A small Kay update:

Lee uploaded a video on his gaming channel yesterday. Someone in the comments asked about Kay, and Lee said she was ill:

Kay’s last upload was 12/23/25. I know someone had said there was a nasty flu going around the UK, but the flu for a month?

 

[Shartavius]

I know someone had said there was a nasty flu going around the UK, but the flu for a month?

I don't see why she would be experiencing complications or protracted illness; as healthy as she seemed in recent videos:



Same goes for Lee:

 

[FedPostalService]

I know someone had said there was a nasty flu going around the UK, but the flu for a month?

Take one look at Kay and think, “how good is her immune system?”

It’s hit pensioners really hard and I bet she is less sturdy than a pensioner. Plus, if you’re “ill” and can’t work then you can be better off on benefits half the time than working in the socioeconomic bracket Kay is in.

 

[Itspinklava]

Lee just uploaded a new episode of the Uncensored Podcast featuring Kay. They discuss the retirement age, Jeffrey Epstein and Peter Mandelson, and city centers /small businesses. At 39:50 Kay says "I'm not very well" and makes some strange motion. Overall, she seems fine.

Archive of
The Uncensored Podcast With Lee And Kay 07/02/26
2/7/26

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3cGiGz8lM

 

[ChompChomp]

07/02/26
2/7/26

Oh, for the love of...

Here ya go. A properly-formatted date:

2026-02-07

 

[Shartavius]

Cenozoic Era?

 

[Itspinklava]

Kay and Lee have ooploaded!

Big Lee does a review of 3 energy drink alcoholic beverages. He likes all three, but likes Blue Raspberry flavor the best.

Lee is looking vaguely homeless.


Ahnd Kay has graced us with another spudtaters video:

Kay says she’s been going to a lot of hospital appointments lately, and she still has “an annoying little cough”. Not to worry, she still has “her little friend with her”


Editing to add that Kay has removed the video for some reason

but I did archive it:

 

[Itspinklava]

Kay has ooploaded another video. Yesterday's videoh was titled "bacon strips on spuds" and so is today's. However, she made sausage yesterday, and made bacon today. Maybe she meant to upload this one yesterday?

Never mind, Kay replied to a comment about the missing videoh:

She put the wrong video up! (It’s not the same one) Another commenter noticed that Kay lost weight, which Kay confirmed:

Archive in case Kay decides to dirty delete again:

Spoiler: Archive

 

[Shartavius]

In the time since itspinklava helpfully archived and detailed Kay's mysterious uploading practices following her hiatus, our girl who has been tryin' to get well has documented herself preparing sausages and pasta, "spuds green beans bacon and gravy", and sausages with "flat chips."

While showing off the air fryer she purchased for "roast spuds at christmastime", Kay lets us know that - as with her hob and oven - she exclusively uses the countertop mini convection oven at its max heat setting:

She goes on to tell the commentators who criticize her use of soybean oil to "stuff it", citing that she "doesn't have an extended life anyway" - Suggesting that her prognoses since christmastime have been rather poor.

Kay advises viewers to "watch yer eardrums" because the fryer is "vurreh, vurreh LEOWD." She then begins yelling over the sound of its convection fan to argue with the voices in her head while she asserts 'YUV PROLLY SEEN IT BEHFOUH" and that she "doesn't know what to cook in it." She speaks in a stream-of-consciousness manner about "belly pork", before narrating everything she sees for the next few minutes.

At 6:44, we get to hear Kay experiencing a lint-expelling orgasm (which better contextualizes her yelling "GET OFF!" at everything she cooks). Later, Lee informs us that her excitement was over an undercooked potato.

Kay expertly holds the plate up to the camera lens for the Youtube thumbnail shot she never remembers to use in her uploads:



"Ah gut a piece-ehhhh...sossidge...*turns fork 180 degrees* ahnd flaht cheep AS IS CALLED...or...as ah knowit SPUD. TEH. TAH." - Barbara Kay Lee.

MOLE JUMPSCARE WARNING 8:00.

At 8:45, following Lee's insightful review in which he compares the flavor of a potato to a potato, Kay hyperventilates by trying to get through her outro in under twenty seconds. Apparently, she was in such a hurry as to have her house keys dangling from the inside lock of her back door (?!).