Jupiter Ascending (2015) - The most batshit movie you never saw

  • 🇵🇦 Nuestro primer dominio localizado está en español en kiwifarms.pa. Our first localized domain is on Spanish on kiwifarms.pa.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
I've seen comparisons being made with Battlefield Earth. Battlefield Earth is unintentionally a movie you can laugh with, while Jupiter Ascending is unintentionally a movie you can laugh at. On a more serious note the movie is a good proof that the first The Matrix movie was a fluke. Also, now that OP brought it up...
Mila Kunis (...)
Channing Tatum plays the love interest, a genetically engineered human/dog hybrid (...)
 
I also saw this movie with an ex. I laughed at some of the stupidest parts and she got mad, might as well have been symbolic of what our relationship would become.

What a waste of tons of great talent, thought. Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, Maria Doyle Kennedy, it goes on.
 
I've heard a rumor that at a convention, Grant Morrison cut up a copy of his comic The Invisibles and pinned the panels to a wall, forming a storyboard for the later Matrix movie.

No idea if that's true or if it's a trick akin to cutting up a dictionary to form a plot summary for Crime and Punishment, but stealing their one solid hit would explain their astonishing string of failures and indifferently-received films.
Grant Morrison thinks he invented Alan Moore.
 
Matrix 4 has been confirmed. It will be directed and written by the first crazy troon sister, the other one is not confirmed yet, which is weird. Maybe she is already part of the 40% and nobody knows?

The original cast is going to be in it as well. I'm hyped as fuck! It's going to be amazing in a good or bad way, it's a win-win scenario.

But I unironically want Don Davis back, his scores are wonderful. He's a little forgotten lately but they could bring him from the dead for another try.

 
The first one is the only good one. I'm dobutful 4 will be any good. Maybe so bad its good. So is this gonna be a retcon of the ending of 3 (With Trinity and Neo Dying), a soft reboot with Neo / Trinity remembering the last 3 films, or a interquel set between 1 & 2?
 
Matrix 4 has been confirmed. It will be directed and written by the first crazy troon sister, the other one is not confirmed yet, which is weird. Maybe she is already part of the 40% and nobody knows?

The original cast is going to be in it as well. I'm hyped as fuck! It's going to be amazing in a good or bad way, it's a win-win scenario.

But I unironically want Don Davis back, his scores are wonderful. He's a little forgotten lately but they could bring him from the dead for another try.

This is either gonna be fucking amazing or fucking terrible with no in-between.
 
Jupiter Ascending plays like it was an adaption of a book the producers discovered - like, imagine the most convoluted, needlessly complicated, written-at-a-below-eight-grade-English-level 1,000+ page sci-fi novel that the author had to get printed via a vanity press because they were rejected by every publisher they sent it to (muttering constantly to themselves that that was because obviously it was just TOO GOOD and mindblowing for those peabrains.) but someone decided, "we can boil this down into a movie!"

It's the zenith of Wachowski productions, as written apparently by pseudo-intellectual, tin-eared Martians, featuring a cast speaking sub-wannabe-Shakespearean nonsense, a cast that talks in groans, mumbles, squeaks, and moans. The plot is a mutant fruit salad of anti-capitalist sentiment, half-mashed up with giddy autocratic dictatorship obsession; weird, populist, anti-bureaucratic, anti-government, pro-eugenic, David Icke/Alex Jones and New Age-y nonsense, swaddled in absurdly depicted violence and campy costumes that would shame Bob Mackie. It's a movie where dozens of conceits and ideas are brought up and blasted at the audience but the makers didn't have the guts to follow through on any of them. Every idea, even the ones that might be faintly interesting, is gone in five minutes after being introduced, blown up for no real explanation.
 
They only produced that one. The Wachowskies are pretty much hacks at this point. One hit wonders who blew their load with the first Matrix film and have made nothing but crap or mediocre movies since, and lets be honest, the Matrix couldn't have happened if they didn't borrow from the Ghost in the Shell movie.

I also question whether or not they wrote the first film or not because of how different the other two were in contrast to the first. Not just in tone, but the fact that the quality of the first movies script is heads and tails over the second and third ones.

The characters and especially the dialogue from the second film are stupid and filled with a lot of redundant dialogue and points made by characters. I also remember the first film having Morpheus state the chosen one would return and help train humanity to fight back against the machines, and this concept is either forgotten or abandoned by the writers in the second and 3rd movies to just be "Only Neo can save us because he's the chosen one".

Good storytellers have some idea of where to continue with a story after the end a story arc and the Wachowskies proved that they had no fucking idea what to do after the first film and continue to show they don't know how to tell a good story at all.

Every writer/director in the movie industry has hits and misses, but these troons have only made 7 films and only 2 of them really worked, the Matrix and Bound. They've continued to make garbage for 16 years straight That says a lot about their skills as storytellers and means they're either hiring people to ghost write for them, or are just coming out with plotlines, hiring someone to flesh it out and not bothering to refine it once the script finishes its first or second draft.

Its impossible for someone who knows what their doing to making shit films for a decade straight becuase statistically they should be hitting the ball at least half the time. :/
According to an interview I read around the time the first Matrix was released, they had written a trilogy, and that The Matrix was actually the ending. They made it first because it was the one that would be cheapest to film, the first story was basically adapted into the Animatrix story The Second Renaissance,and the second part would have been Morpheus’ awakening. The speech Neo gives at the end of the first movie was the endpoint of what they wrote, as his full awakening basically meant the machines could never get the upper hand again and the liberation of humanity was inevitable.

What most likely screwed things up was Warner Brothers demanding sequels, but also insisting on the cast being brought back in full, and a compressed development time to get them out as soon as possible. The back-to-back filming mean they had to write two completely new movies and get them made in a two-year span. The first movie script had been polished for years before it got greenlit.

Now, that isn’t to say that the original scripts would have been better, as anyone who has seen The Animatrix knows that The Second Renaissance basically makes the machines justified in enslaving humanity, but at least some of the most egregious idiocy of the sequels might have been totally avoided.
 
The Wachowskis are basically the same phenomenon as D&D, or Kevin Smith: get that one big success to parley into industry contacts, and you never have to do better than breaking even ever again. They had the right idea in the right place at the right time (Ghost in the Shell, only it's a John Woo movie and has lead poisoning) and because of that, the only way we're going to rid of them is if they retire or 40% themselves.
 
Now, that isn’t to say that the original scripts would have been better, as anyone who has seen The Animatrix knows that The Second Renaissance basically makes the machines justified in enslaving humanity, but at least some of the most egregious idiocy of the sequels might have been totally avoided.
The start of the machine revolt in the Second Renaissance was akin to African-American slaves revolting after one of them is caught on camera murdering their master and found guilty in trial. If Wachowskis kept true to the Twilight Zone episode the trial based on the machines would have 100% in the right to start shit up. Or better rip off the Armitage III OVAs as the human Martians were absolute murderous cunts to machines and more than deserve the Second Renaissance treatment.
 
The Wachowskis are basically the same phenomenon as D&D, or Kevin Smith: get that one big success to parley into industry contacts, and you never have to do better than breaking even ever again. They had the right idea in the right place at the right time (Ghost in the Shell, only it's a John Woo movie and has lead poisoning) and because of that, the only way we're going to rid of them is if they retire or 40% themselves.
The Matrix was also one of those situations where it was the result of being polished and re-polished for a long time before it actually got made, but without all that time to re-work and tweak their stuff, they just aren't that good. It kind of reminds me of the band Spacehog. They came out of nowhere and released the Album Resident Alien, one of the best albums of the 1990s, and it went multi-platinum and spawned multiple hit singles. They had been working on that material for half a decade before getting signed. They toured for a year and a half and then released their second album, The Chinese Album three years after their first. It didn’t even chart, the reviews were awful and the band broke up without even touring. Without the time and drive to make something great, they were mediocre talents.

The Wachowskis were lucky that sequels to high-profile movies usually do well, and Reloaded made good money. Revolutions didn’t do quite as well, and got pretty bad reviews, not helped by people cutting Reloaded a fair bit of slack because they knew it was the middle part and that it wasn’t a long wait for the wrap-up movie.

Once you’ve made three big-budget movies that make good money, you’re pretty much bullet-proof in Hollywood, so they had the clout to produce other movies as well as get the backing to make their own stuff and get weirder. And then there’s the show business obsession with being “progressive”. When one Wachowski chopped his dick off, it kept them from getting slapped down when their stuff started flopping. Now that both have trooned out, they are bullet-proof and can keep making shitty movies with enough spectacle to part a few suckers from their ticket money.
 
Atrás
Top Abajo