jokes thread - WE NEED MORE DEAD JOKES THREADS

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herefortheactualthreads

herefortheactualthreads

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWUvCepSLtI
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i met a hot shmexy polish kurwa w*man, i asked for her number, she sighed and was like "we have names too you know?"

ok close thread thank.
 
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobees

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow
 
After the fall of the Soviet Union, two russian men are discussing.
- Ivan my friend, I think we've been had.
- What do you mean?
- You see, everything we were taught about communism was a lie. But everything we were taught about capitalism turned out to be true!

Kid: "mom, why is dad running so fast?
Mom: "shut up and give me those bullets"

Why they did have to cancel the US - Great Britain chess tournament?
- US lacks two towers and Brits a queen

A finnish woman complains to his husband, saying "We have been married for 20 years and I never have heard you telling me that you love me!".
The man replies after few minutes. "I said that in front of the priest. I'll tell you if I change my mind".

How big is the russian minority living in Finland?
- A big enough to have independent referendum about annexation to Russia (see: crimea back in 2015)

What do you get after shooting a gypsy?
- Your catalytic converter back

A finnish man moves to Michigan and gets a job as a logger. His boss says that he expects his crew to work hard, and the finn thinks he can handle the job.
After few days the bossman comes over, and asks why the finn is slower than everyone else. "I really shouldn't complain, but I think something is wrong with this saw",
replies the finn. Boss takes the saw, looks it over and pulls the starter rope, and the chainsaw comes to life with bit of a noise. The finnish man, bewildered, asks
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT"
 
What’s grosser than a barrel full of dead babies?
a barrel full of dead babies with a live one on the bottom eating their way up
 
whats a fun way to keep a searchdoggo occupied? a dead body in one place.

whats a funnier way? a dead body chopped up and thrown into ten places.
 
A woman walks into a bar, with a duck under her arm and sits at the bar. She orders a drink and starts drinking it. A drunk next to her says "Where'd you pick up the pig?"

The woman, somewhat perplexed says "Sir, this is a duck." The man replies "I was talking to the duck, ma'am."


Also:

Arab scientists have invented a time machine, that can transport an entire country back to the stone age.

They call it.... Islam.


Don't forget to tip your waitress.
 
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!

This is a good excuse to share Aussie Jed's Tasteless Joke Archive with people who will appreciate it. I loved this shit back in the day, forgot its name for decades, assumed it was lost forever when the internet got sanitized, and only recently found the archive. Some samples:

Did you hear about the Indian who drank 100 cups of tea in one night?
He died in his teepee.

Which of these doesn't belong? Egg, steak, wife, blowjob.
The blowjob. You can beat your eggs, your meat, and your wife, but you just can't beat a blowjob.

What would they have called the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.

Why do Jewish bitches only sleep with circumcised men?
They want 20% off everything!
 
this guy surely lives the best life.

1757684768816.webp
 
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