Jokes from the Nintendo Fun Club.

[Pissmaster]

From Issue 4, page 20:

• Q: How does Thomas greet Mr. X?
  • A: Hiii-ah!
• Q: What's Ganon's favorite food?
  • A: Sausage "links".
• Q: What does Fiery Mario get when he eats a fire flower?
  • A: Heart burn.
• Q: Why did Link win the video game race?
  • A: Because no one was "Ganon" on him.

From Issue 5, page 22:

• Q: What does Link eat for breakfast?
  • A: Ganon Yogurt.
• Q: What Super Mario character doesn't like to buy expensive things?
  • A: A Cheep-Cheep.
• Q: What's Mario's favorite song?
  • A: It's a small world after all.
• Q: What's Mike Tyson's favorite drink?
  • A: Fruit Punch-Out!!
• Q: What does a Metroid do when Samus hurts him?
  • A: He goes crying to his Mother Brain.
• Q: Why are they building a fence in the graveyard of Ghosts-N-Goblins?™
  • A: Because people are just dying to get in!
• Q: What is Zelda searching for?
  • A: The missing Link!
• Q: What is Mike Tyson's favorite food?
  • A: Big Mac!!!

From Issue 6, page 22:

• Q: What do you call it when you get lost in The Legend of Zelda?
  • A: The Missing Link.
• Q: What is Little Mac's favorite drink?
  • A: Soda Pop-inski!
• Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what does Samus Arran get?
  • A: Missile Toe!
• Q: How do you stop Bald Bull from doing a bull charge?
  • A: You take away his credit card!

The jokes did not return for the 7th and final issue. https://archive.org/details/NintendoFunClubMagazines/

 

[mindlessobserver]

Q: Why are they building a fence in the graveyard of Ghosts-N-Goblins?™

Okay, i laughed at this one because putting a fucking trademark in your SFW marketing magazine joke is fucking hilarious.

 

[TATE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE!!]

Who the fuck is Thomas? I thought Mr. X was the tyrant in a trench coat?

 

[Cable 7]

Zelda Jokes.​

As written by Alex Fernandez.

• Q: How did link win the basket ball game for his team?
• A: He used his Hookshot
• Q: What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't unlck the door?
• A: Triforce
• Q: What did Link say to Ganon when he captured Zelda?
• A: Leever alone!

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Only thing this tells me is that I miss the vintage Nintendo Power magazines that I used to see in the Borders/Barnes & Nobles stores when I was a kid.

 

[CuzinEd]

The one about the Cheep Cheep was funny. Corny but still funny. The rest of them were like something I would have seen on a Laffy Taffy wrapper as a kid in the 90's. Just corny as jokes that at the most cause a smile. Not really funny.

 

[Inflatable Julay]

Top 10 Best Pokémon Jokes​

We asked Boys’ Life readers to send us their favorite Pokémon jokes. Here are ten of the best.

Q: Why did the Wailmer cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!
— Micah S., Pasadena, Calif.

Q: What does one Geodude say to the other Geodude?
A: Let’s rock!
— Andrew G., Greenwood Lake, N.Y.

Q: What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?
A: I’m Zaptos intolerant!
— Bryan W., Milford, N.H.

Q: What did the judge say when a Skunktank came into the court?
A: Odor in the court!
— Austin J., Dresher, Pa.

Q: What do you do when your Loudred evolves?
A: Buy more earplugs!
— Nathan H., Ededn, N.Y.

Q: What do you call a scout that likes to chew gum while climbing Pikes Peak?
A: A Peak-A-Chewer!
— Alex L., Littleton, Colo.

Q: Which Pokémon could also be a pirate?
A: Arrrrrr-ceus
— Joshua N., Brick, N.J.

Q: What do you call a daredevil Weedle who does stunts on a motorcycle?
A: Weedle Knievell
— Brendan N., St. Louis, Mo.

Q: What’s Wailord’s favorite TV show?
A: Whale of Fortune
— Ethan C., Los Gatos, Calif.

Q: What is a Pokémon fan’s favorite place to go in France?
A: Paras!
— Chase B., West Des Moines, Iowa

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

I wish there was a free archive with all the magazines uploaded. I miss it.

 

[Calandrino]

Who the fuck is Thomas? I thought Mr. X was the tyrant in a trench coat?

Thomas and Mr. X are from the NES game Kung Fu. Probably only in the localized version. Mr. X is also the bad guy in Streets of Rage, and probably a few other games. Always picks the same username, yet has never been doxed.

 

[Zaryiu2]

I wish there was a free archive with all the magazines uploaded. I miss it.

https://www.retromags.com/files/category/97-nintendo-power/

Gotta download them all one by one tho

 

[Coolio55]

I wish there was a free archive with all the magazines uploaded. I miss it.

It keeps getting uploaded to archive.org and subsequently nuked by Nintendo.