ITT we recommend films that never existed - Give Hollywood hacks free ideas

[Wormy]

Heroes in Hell!

Based (loosely) on the pulp fantasy novel series, a World War 2 soldier killed at Normandy discovers that Hell is not quite what the Bible made it out to be; namely, a mountainous landscape of eternal battle and ever changing national lines ruled by history's greatest and most ruthless leaders! Will he side with Kublai Khan's revived Golden Horde? Caesar's Legions? Mao's Red Brigades? George Washington's New Republic? Gilgamesh's ravaging horsemen? Raw testosterone, loads of battle scenes, and more metal and thunder than you can possibly stand!

 

[Mine is the Fury]

Saw One Road In recently. Emma Watson playing the only lesbian in a small mountain town discovering both her first love and a chance to escape? Hell yeah, I'll watch that! can't believe I sat through 2 hours of pretentious arthouse trash written by some SanFran gender-special with an agenda and the subtly of a drunk chimpanzee. The saving grace was no actual trannies show up (apart from a couple right at the end) but I still felt like one was in the room with me, watching me to see if the propaganda was setting in. There was some talk about Emma Watson getting her boobs out for one scene but that was a lie. It's a mushroom-induced hallucination and it's all CG. Don't fall for it.

I've been told it's based on a Japanese movie from a few years ago and possibly a manga but was thoroughly westernised (in all the bad ways). I might watch that one instead.

 

[Mine is the Fury]

Double post and can't delete

 

[Ewan McGregor]

Saw One Road In recently. Emma Watson playing the only lesbian in a small mountain town discovering both her first love and a chance to escape? Hell yeah, I'll watch that! can't believe I sat through 2 hours of pretentious arthouse trash written by some SanFran gender-special with an agenda and the subtly of a drunk chimpanzee. The saving grace was no actual trannies show up (apart from a couple right at the end) but I still felt like one was in the room with me, watching me to see if the propaganda was setting in. There was some talk about Emma Watson getting her boobs out for one scene but that was a lie. It's a mushroom-induced hallucination and it's all CG. Don't fall for it.

I've been told it's based on a Japanese movie from a few years ago and possibly a manga but was thoroughly westernised (in all the bad ways). I might watch that one instead.

Oh I saw that one, people were literally shaking and crying at the long shots of camera panning across the woods while leaves fall and Watson narrates her grievances towards her abusive christian dad. Why would a girl in rural Montana born to a family of rednecks have a british accent, though, I didn't understand.

 

[SpotOnTheWall]

I don't know about you, but Madea's Chainsaw Massacre (2025) was a true return to form. It's nice to see Tyler Perry taking his character in new and interesting directions!

 

[Ewan McGregor]

Based on a true story, a nigger WWII soldier liberates Dachau and falls in love with a half dead Jewish woman. He nurses her back to health. They move to the United States where they experience racism and antisemitism. Will their love overcome obstacles and their PTSD from the war?

I see they followed TVTropes formula to the Oscars

 

[Haffhart]