The SpaceKat Chronicles
by Elwood P. Dowd
The Rise of the REEEEsistance, Book One of the SpaceKat Chronicles
Welcome to the Empire of Brotopia, formerly known as the United States of America. Pronouns are ignored. Preferred genders mocked. Patreons remain unfunded. Soy products permitted only as animal feed. Blue checkmarks on Twitter meaningless. All bathroom fixtures are gold plated. All steaks are served well-done. All servings of ice-cream a mandatory two scoops. All video games first person shooters. All promotions based upon competence. All bathrooms rigidly segregated by biological gender. Truly, a hell on Earth, a sink of misogyny and, oh, productivity.
An orange miasma covers the land as God Emperor Drumpf I, The Wallbuilder issues his decrees from his impregnable (even his adjectives are misogynistic!), impenetrable lair combo resort hotel country club and casino, More-and-Lardgo. None dare stand in his way, none dare oppose him, lest they risk his ire and his Twitter snark. The masses groan under their mandatory gold plated bathroom fixtures and procrustean two scoops of ice cream.
Yet, hope is not yet fully extinguished. One has arisen, a truly one hundred percent true and honest female down to the tingly lady parts, REEEEanna Wagger Splint, who, full of courage and undeniable femininity leads a desparate REEEEsistance movement to overthrow the Orange Overlord of More-and-Lardgo. REEEEanna, a fully trained engineer, software programmer and respected journalist, can in fact do it all and do it all by herself. She is truly a wamen who don’t need no man.
But since this is YA fiction there kind of has to be a love triangle. So here it is: Assisted by Freddy WooWoo, respecter of wamen and winner of multiple awards nobody’s ever heard of, and Yeshua Goyner Mooooooon, he of the chiseled abs, pecs of perfection and badboy smirk, a desperate plan is formed to hijack the experimental spaceship Revolution 60, travel to long abandoned moon-base RB Ginsburg and hurl moon rocks at the evil lair of the God Emperor. Smashing it and the patrirarchy, overthrowing the Brotopia and the God Emperor in one fell swoop.
Will REEEEanna and her assistants pull it off? Will REEEanna’s lady bits tingle for the badboy or the respecter of wamen? Will the Revolution 60 spaceship, product of the heteronormative ciswhite patriarchy as it is, be up to the task? Can they infiltrate the patriarchal space program and pull off the greatest hijacking of all time? Begin this riveting series and find out! The REEEEsistance is rising!
The Second Book in the Series Everybody Always Skims Since it is Largely Pointless, Book Two of the SpaceKat Chronicles
REEEEanna, Freddy and Yeshua, REEEEsisters of the Brotopia, last seen in
The Rise of the REEEEsistance , have located the Revolution 60 under the boardwalks of Atlantic City and must now create a plan to liberate said spaceship in a desperate attempt to travel to long abandoned Moonbase RB Ginsburg and fire the only weapon that can be assured smash the Patriarchy forever, moonrocks. But in order to do this, they must first assemble a team of true and honest females to assist in their efforts, as there is only one female amongst them,and, as everyone knows, males are always incompetent.
First they must liberate Chelsea van ZoeLard from the Labyrinth of the Five Guys where she has been languishing since the Brotopia arose, her diet restricted to a mere five thousand calories a day (the horror!) and second must travel to an obscure town on the Connecticut coastline and enlist the aid of Petunia Hardgavel, a precocious, precious and totally ten year old honest but secret gamer girl of immense power and knowledge. Don’t let her frilly dresses fool you, this is one serious gamer!
But all will not flow smoothly, for the evil forces of the God Emperor have learned of REEEanna’s efforts. From the bowels of More-and-Lardgo a new threat has issued: The Patriarch-emons, “Gotta Oppress ‘em all,” a collection of hideously misshappen monsters contained in egg-like structures, all attuned to the special nature of Crown-Prince Blareon, heir apparent to the Empire of Brotopia. Do not let Blareon’s blank expression fool you, he directs the Patriarch-emons with consummate skill, knowledge and mildly obsessive tendencies.
Will our plucky heroes be able to rescue Chelsea from her starvation diet imprisonment? Will Petunia be able to utilize her unmatched tabletop gaming skills and defeat Crown Prince Blareon and his army of minion Patriarch-emons? Will REEEEanna’s flighty female heart finally settle down and allow her to choose between badboy Yeshua Goyner Mooooooon, he of the chiseled abs and perfect pecs, or respecter of wamen Freddy WooWoo? Finally, will trained engineer REEEanna be able to correct the errors of the patriarchy and bring the Revolution 60 to launch status? Read, okay, skim, the penultimate book in
The SpaceKat Chronicles to find out!
Bang Zoom … REEEEanna’s Going to the Moon!, Book Three of the SpaceKat Chronicles
Hope remains for totally true and honest 100% female REEEEanna Wagger Splint, but suspicion is rising. Has the evil Brotopia managed to place a spy in her doughty band of gender nonconformist REEEEsisters? Even as they prepare the now liberated Revolution 60 for launch, (see
The Second Book in the Series Everybody Always Skims Since it is Largely Pointless) to the long abandoned moon base RB Ginsburg, something seems off. The God Emperor Drumpf I, he of the Art of the Deal, seems to know far more than he should about the REEEEsister’s timetable and actions. And there being only one ciswhite male in REEEEanna’s REEEEsisters, suspicion naturally falls on Yeshua Goyner Mooooooon. But, oh, how he makes REEEEanna’s lady parts tingle with his chiseled abs, perfect pecs and kissable, badboy lips!
And what deep, dark secret will be revealed when our band of REEEEsisters reach Moon Base RB Ginsburg to launch a cascade of moon rocks against the otherwise invulnerable lair of the God Emperor, More-and-Lardgo? Will it tear apart our team of heroes, even as the Patriarchy crumbles under the totally valid science of moon rocks launched as weapons? Will Chelsea van ZoeLard eat all their supplies? Will Petunia Hardgavel’s homesickness for her town on the Connecticut shore overcome her? Where will REEEEanna’s heart finally land? Finally, is there truly a spy in their midst, or could REEEEanna be mistaken?
Read the stunning and brave, long-awaited conclusion to
The SpaceKat Chronicles to find all this out, and more!
