Introduction Thread

[High Level Rad Waste]

Outta the pool and in to the dry cask, I take it. Welcome!

That was an unintentional gimmick post, I was actually on a submarine. No wifi underwater.

 

[Cnut]

Hello. I'm glad there's a place where people can post what they feel. Just seeing the spectrum between Shitposter, Troll, Autist, and Einstein on this site makes every other forum feel small by comparison. The whole drop-kiwi-farms thing was its own source of milk as kind of a reverse of the prime directive, "do not interfere with the cows," but could have shut this place down. Well I'm glad it's still here and I just want to say hi.

Pros:

Learn a lot about the "intersectional politics" of trannies, grooming, free speech, and psychopathy​

​

Cons:

Someone said Temple of Doom isn't the best Indiana Jones movie​

 

[HP Lovecraft's Cat's Name]

I am a huge retard and couldn't get into my throwaway email address to reset the password after the temporary tranny inconvenience took the site down for a bit. I miss not being a newfag (2015...) c'est la vie!

 

[Dyn]

I am a huge retard and couldn't get into my throwaway email address to reset the password after the temporary tranny inconvenience took the site down for a bit. I miss not being a newfag (2015...) c'est la vie!

Shut up newfag scum you'll speak when you're spoken to.

 

[SkudMuffin]

Is this where I declare my faggotry? Feels good.

 

[Anonitolia]

hi all
i've only been lurking a few months- I think maybe since November-ish? first time I visited was after news broke that CWC'd been fucking his mother though- nowhere near as long as most lol. I don't even know that much about the culture yet, honestly (Semper Fidelis and True & Honest Fan still evade me, but i'm willing to learn), though i'm trying to change that.
slightly regretting signing up with this username since I came up with a better one about a half-hour later (Zangeese; it just sounds funnier to me) but Anonitolia has enough of a ring to it that I don't mind too much.

i'm actually not all that huge into lolcows, I just enjoy this place's atmosphere. I'm not exactly a fan of the direction both the modern internet and western (especially American) society as a whole has been going, and have a special hatred for people who use tactics like the radical left's, so a vendetta against trannies and their virtue-signaling tumblr/twitter kin comes naturally to me. Those who want to take away the freedoms and rights of others (especially while demanding their own rights be respected), be it their speech or their guns or their property (virtual or not), deserve no sympathy and i'm glad to see some people are still able to call bullshit bullshit when they see it.

anyways, autistic sperging aside, this place seems cool and I like it. I haven't seen conversations this sane from anyplace online for at least ten years now, maybe more, and it's extremely refreshing.

kiwis are also absolutely adorable. very good choice of mascot.
good day to all who have read, and thank you for tolerating my unnecessary introductory ramble

 

[Tilapia]

Hello, I am Tilapia.

If I do not laugh at the lolcows, I will cry.

And I would prefer to laugh.

 

[I’m Ben Murphy]

Howdy y’all! I’m Ben Murphy and I’m a truck drivin’ son of a gun who’s lurked a mighty long time and finally decided to register an account. I’ve always appreciated y’all so I decided to join ranks with y’all against the motherlovin’ tyranny of stupidity that’s crept into to most of our lives. I’m much obliged by y’all.

 

[The false copy of Sunder]

Hello, world.

 

[zDemcn_]

Had an account dating back to 2019, and my dumb ass put it on an alternate email that I lost access to. This is my second attempt at an account meant for laughing at dumb internet gossip online.

That aside, the atmosphere of KiwiFarms has always piqued my curiosity given that I used to rarely visit these kinds of websites at all, and very few like this place tend to exist nowadays (that's worth visiting at least). I like reading up on specific people and communities when I'd otherwise be too lazy to research further into drama. I especially love reading up on the furry community, and did so a lot whilst lurking. I have no idea how much I'll use this account, but I'll lurk around and use it to follow any threads I want to keep up with. Admittedly, it's not the easiest to do that without an account. Happy 10th anniversary btw. It's interesting to see this site last this long given the climate of the internet nowadays.

I end this message with an obscure but relevant reference (it's not a joke or anything I just wanted to say hi). Have a good one, Kiwis.

 

[Romeo]

I finally had the courage to make up an alter-ego email after months of lurking onto the site since March 2022 thanks to Josh's MATI 10th anniversary stream.

I had my first contact with lolcows through Mister Metokur, in which I was looking for videos relating to the We Wuz Kangz meme. Metokur then introduced me to the Killstream under Ethan Ralph, of which I was able to listen while doing homework. The Killstream was also the first time I heard about Kiwi Farms and its owner Josh, and because I was a fervent listener to the Killstream, I ended up believing Ralph's sperging that Josh was a pedophile. However, I did not like Ralph and thought he was a bit loco (and fat), but I enjoyed his guests. After Ralph moved to numerous streaming platforms after getting banned by YouTube, I called quits on the Killstream and stayed subscribed to Metokur until he was forced out of YouTube, in which I decided to leave the atmosphere.

However, I decided to come back to listen to Metokur again in his streams which were enjoyable and watched them as I commute to work (came back a couple of months after Metokur and Ralph became enemies). I also decided to check on Nick Rekieta and saw several streams that he did on Josh, in which to see the two interact was pretty surreal. Josh showed himself to be very articulate and intelligent, and humorous too! In a comment, I also read a criticism of Metokur that he just repeats information from the Kiwi Farms. All these factors made me decide to start lurking in the site to find more original stuff (still am an admirer of Metokur, may he feel better). I honestly like the atmosphere of the site and the research the site does on the lolcows, and it ended up having me do some reading on some lolcows. However, two threads caught my interest, and that's the Russian Invasion of Ukraine thread in the Thunderdome and the niche interest thread Western Animation in Multimedia.

I was looking for a reliable information site to keep up on news on the invasion and I knew I could not rely on mainstream media nor on /chug/ or /uhg/ because I was confident /pol/ is 98.5% feds and most of those threads are not news but sperging. Even though there is sperging on both vatniks and hohols, they would most of them accompany it with up to date information on the war, giving the thread a more balanced take and I admire it and I use it for my information to this day. I also enjoy the Western animation thread because it touched on what I like a lot in my niche interests, which is animation, and how I feel so disconnected to it compared to older Western animation in the 2000s and before.

Though I think the RuZZian invasion thread and the Western animation thread kept me in the site, I will admit that I lurked in the Kiwi Farms was Josh himself. Lurking the site, I was kinda a bit scared because I still thought Josh was a pedophile even though Ralph was a total abyss at this time. Josh was also very aggressive as his Null persona on the site, though that is because some Kiwi Farms users are retarded and he has to act this way because of it since the site is pretty much attacked from government organizations and rabid activists. As I lurked more, I came in touch with Josh's MATI streams and I instantly got hooked. It was comfy and informative, and I found myself laughing at some lolcows that I would not laugh if I read them because of the streams. It was also pretty relatable to see Josh being a programmer as well like what I am training to become! At that point, I lurked throughout the site.

I was here throughout the Keffals and the Cloudflare fiasco. I was here when we through Russia and China to find a DDoS provider. I was here when we finally got a DDoS set up thanks to a open source program on GitHub, and I was here when Null made KiwiFlare. Thank you for being the site that keeps me from being less stressed and I thank Josh for being so dedicated and keeping up the site up for as long as ever before.

Thanks for reading my essay, Kiwis.

TLDR: Kiwi Farms is interesting and got me into joining.

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

I would like to welcome myself the this greasy haven of autism during its glorious decennial anniversary by saying

Jim is a nigger.

Thank you.

 

[J. K. Bowling]

Hey! I've been lurking for what I can't believe is approaching a decade now. Been addicted to this place ever since I found it in '14

I just like reading about weird people, and this is the best place out there for that. Nowhere else has this autistic level of detail in documenting this exact category of weirdo, and I can't be anything other than perpetually transfixed.

Null said something recently on a stream that resonated with me a lot: abnormal psychology of lolcows is one of the few things that is truly "random". I was always attracted to surreal humor, but more often than not you can trace that to tired tropes or memes, which makes it lose the unexpectedness that'd make it funny in the first place. Nothing comes even close to the level of genuine unexpectedness of the sorts of things people like pamperchu or cwc will do, and that genuine unexpectedness is what I live for.

On forums I'm usually pretty shy and never do anything more than lurk, but recently finally been getting the urge to maybe say some things? maybe.

 

[Divinefucker]

Been a lurker since 2019, thought to make an account. Turns out I already had and forgot the log in. Not a great first impression I’m making, but hi.

 

[Patrick Bait-man]

I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st Street, on the 11th floor.
My name is Patrick Bateman.
I'm 27 years old.

I believe in taking care of myself, in a balanced diet, in a rigorous exercise routine.
In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an icepack while doing my stomach crunches.
I can do a thousand now.
After I remove the icepack, I use a deep-pore cleanser lotion.
In the shower, I use a water-activated gel cleanser.
Then a honey-almond bodyscrub.
And on the face, an exfoliating gel-scrub.
Then I apply an herb mint facial masque,
which I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.
I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol,
because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older.
Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm, followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.

There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman.
Some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me.
Only an entity-- something illusory.
And though I can hide my cold gaze...
and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours...
and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable,
I simply am not there.

 

[HelicopterxD]

Hello, I am Chris, in the future I will extend this post, for sure.

 

[Bargain Bin Laden]

I hate niggers

 

[Rendang]

hello i am not curry, nor fresh meat

 

[Roy Rogers]

I'm not new, I just lost control of the email account that is tied to my old account during the attempted Keffalpocalypse (I have some questions about the events following that). I used to be Red Hood/The Shadow. Maybe I will be again.

 

[Am I Very Wrong]

i finally found a place where people call out queer shit for what it is and where i can call everyone a FAGGOT to my heart's content!
on the other hand i also learned that i'm an autist who should hang himself so there's that