Interpersonal Isssues

[AnimuGinger]

I'm still pretty much alone here. I think I'm making friends, but I still don't know if I can really believe that they want to do anything with me outside of class.

 

[Jaimas]

Hi guys, this is my first thread. I've lurked for a long time and I'm on the kiwifarms a lot on my breaks at work and before I go to sleep. I don't know if deep thoughts is the correct place to post this, but feel free to delete this if it doesn't quite fit in with this board. I skimmed the threads and did a half-assed preliminary search for similar threads, but I didn't find any.

To start: I think one of the defining characteristics of a lolcow is their lack of ability to make meaningful connections with others in real life, hence their tendency to over share about their personal lives on the internet.

I think everyone who follows lolcows closely have at least one trait or interest in common with them. I think the reason I am so interested in lolcows is the fact that I always feel like an outsider, even though if you met me in real life you'd probably I was just a regular girl.

I've had my issues. Who hasn't? But on the surface I'm very successful, yet I've never been able to make lasting friendships. I'm smart, generally considered physically attractive (it's subjective, don't get mad at me, I'm not trying to brag), I have a good job, fun personality, but I just don't know how to choose friends or keep them.

I don't know... I want to make new friends but I just don't know how. I'd just like to talk with you guys about any issues you might have relating to others.

The core of any lolcow is a lack of humility. It is the defining trait of our various lolcow herds.

If you have humility, understand your faults, and accept them, you cannot, by definition, be a profitable lolcow.

 

[creamyfanta]

I'm still pretty much alone here. I think I'm making friends, but I still don't know if I can really believe that they want to do anything with me outside of class.

My bf has this problem.

What I tell him is this: it doesn't matter if they do or don't want anything to do with you. If they dont, screw them. Just assume they do, and see where it goes! It's very rare to find someone who is acting friendly with you and having fun who doesn't genuinely like you. And I mean really rare. People just have no reason to do that.

I have made a lot of incredibly good, reliable, and wonderful friends throughout my life, and it really is just from being confident and not listening to that little asshole on your shoulder telling you these people don't actually like you. I assure you, they do. And if they dont, that doesn't matter because they don't matter

I've found that talking to people, showing a genuine interest in them and what they do, smiling, and being kind is what makes friends. What keeps them is trust, communication, understanding, acceptance, and loyalty. You can do it!! ♡♡♡

 

[Teddy]

I can be a bit too judgmental at times. To the point where it could be mistaken for intolerance. This is for outward appearance, so if I see someone dressed like a hippie, goth, or thug, I instantly decide not to be around them. Shallow, I guess. I don't know if it'll get better.

It's weird. People my age are constantly told not to judge, but we still do. My fellow teens, in my experience, look down upon the "normal", yet lionize the freaks. This would be different if it was obviously humorous, but it's not. Shirts like "Normal people scare me" actually exist. So, someone who doesn't have a load of tatoos or pireceings are said to be basic, yet the outward psychotic or cringe-worthy awkward kids are the cool ones? Great.

 

[chimpburgers]

I got my fair share of issues and I still struggle with insecurity and shyness in my own life so knowing there are people that have fucked up way more than I have in their lives gives me something to laugh at and to make myself feel better sometimes about my own situation. I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be but it never ceases to amaze me just how low the lolcows can get and how there's always someone that hits a new rock bottom.

 

[DuskEngine]

I'm not particularly good at making new friends, and all the ones I do have are mostly on different continents.

It is what it is. I'm just trying to keep myself together until I can leave, but I can feel myself starting to get dragged down again.

 

[Konstantinos]

My weird interests, my disposition to use big words in conversation and my tendency to be awkward have played a large part in driving people away from me throughout my life. That and my latent sociopathic tendencies that is.

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

I'm just a lousy human being in general.

I'm selfish, ego-centric, arrogant to an extreme and I care nothing for like 99% of the human population. I'll do what ever I think is right no matter who objects or who might get hurt. I seldom stop to think about how my actions will harm others and I tend to be rude and dismissive towards strangers and even friends.

On the flip side, I'm attractive (well I was when I was younger but I aged very well), smart, funny, healthy and damn good at my job so my life has actually been full of people and pretty damn happy over-all. I'm married to a wonderful woman and I see nothing but clear blue skies ahead for us as I head into retirement with a hefty nest egg.

This is why I don't believe in god or karma by all reasonable means I should be an outcast and a pariah as I've done nothing but look out for my own interests and concerns often at the expense of other people but here I am living a great life.

Funny that.

 

[ASoulMan]

I tend to drift between different social groups. While I don't contribute to conversations a lot, I enjoy listening other people talk, and I usually hang out around others just for the company.

 

[Atsimuel]

I have a small group of really close friends that I've had since I was about twelve, so I never have to worry about being particularly friendless or lonely. On the flip side, having close childhood friends meant that I never felt the need to learn how to make new ones, so most of the friends I've made in teenage years and early adulthood have been pretty casual and never last. Plus, since I tend to deal with social anxiety by overcompensating I've a tendency to come off as aloof, loud or, sometimes, even a bit aggressive.

So yeah, probably why I come here a lot, now that I think about it.

 

[Logia_Peter]

As I've mentioned in a few other threads, I'm diagnosed with ASPD.

I have no problems socializing and talking with people, small talk, chatting, getting to know them, sharing interests, but the problem arises in the fact I have no empathy. So when they share an emotional problem or something bad has happened recently, I sit there and try to get them back into a normal state, but I fundamentally cannot understand or really sympathize with their pain.

I like hearing people's issues and small talk, though, I enjoy social group drama and interplay.

Hence, I haven't had a lot of really close friendships. Maybe one or two. None have known me really well.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

A general piece of advice I'd give here is that everybody, literally everybody, feels like an outsider at one time or another, for whatever reason. Took me a long time to realise that, but it is quite comforting to know.

 

[Zeorus]

As an Aspergian, I had serious interpersonal issues for most of my life until about two years ago. A lot of what changed that was dating my fiancée for the first time. I had never been with someone who understood me as intimately as she did (does), and breaking up with her was one of the hardest experiences of my life to date.

That breakup, however, made clear to me that I couldn't allow myself to delay fixing my extremely fucked up lifestyle any longer - otherwise, I wouldn't have managed to get her back into my life.

I still have very few friends, though this is largely by choice - I'm more comfortable and more effective when I put deep emotional investment into a few friends than when I involve myself with a crowd. I'm also still a bit of a misanthrope, although my beloved has taught me to see the good in people where I didn't before.

tl;dr Investing in the right people is more effective than trying to change your outlook by yourself.

 

[The Great Chandler]

Just bumping up an ancient decent thread.
Just pointing out that there's a bit of lolcow in us. One thing's for sure is that at least Chris Chan doesn't worry about what others think. Nick Bates' a different story.

 

[PorcupineTree]

The farms are putting me in the frame of mind to not overshare or overreact online. (This post might be an exception but I don't think it's that bad. Give me the airhorn if you disagree I guess). Watching the failures of cows makes me feel better about myself.

I ended a long friendship with someone who was my confidante and my main way of coping with some life issues very recently. Unsuprisingly it was an internet friend, since it's easier to open up to someone who isn't physically with me. I think the end of that friendship was largely my fault for oversharing and depending on someone to provide the kind of emotional support that's only fair to ask of a professional. I'm psyching myself up to make an appointment.

I've been posting here more regularly and talking through my days on a burner tumblr since then. It’s cringe worthy but I need to fill that space and I'll probably be at it for another week or so.

My only real friend group is composed of the people I grew up with. We are “close”, but opening up is a different matter. Some things aren't approprate to vent to regular people about, even if you know them well. I've had that kind of baggage for the majority of my life. In the real world I’m extremely reserved and serious at all times.

Aside from that, I'm normal. I think people irl would have a hard time believing that I post here.

I got better at socializing when I had to start entertaining (not sexually) for work. It made me crave social interaction more too. Lately Meetup has been my way of getting out since I just moved and don't know anyone. It has been suprisingly successful.

I think some folks are just prone to introversion and the internet helps them to cope with that. I'm one of those people. There's nothing wrong with it, just be aware so you don't become too much of a weirdo.

 

[queerape]

I joined largely because I deal with a lot of people and heavy workload everyday and I kind of want to go somewhere where I can talk about lighthearted dumb shit like lolcows, and because I want to talk to a wider variety of people. I want to take my mind off of my work, as I am a bit of a workaholic who won't stop otherwise, and being so busy can get isolating.

 

[Guts Gets Some]

I lost a big part of me the last couple months ago and another reason I decided to come here was due to not only lurking for awhile, but knowing at least I wouldn't have to worry about PC nonsense I've put up with elsewhere this whole year, and that I could at least cut loose and *gasp* might get to have fun again.

Whether that was directly to make more friends or not; the fact is, I'm a pretty sociable person who loves to talk and can make new friends easily. And my mentality was "Already, I like the atmosphere here, and... I'm not *too* crazy; at least enough to be a cow, so I'm sure I'm probably not alone. No harm in diving in."

AND THEN I DID. -Christian Humber

 

[gachacunt]

I mostly joined because I was very curious about the farms. I held an expectation that most people on here possess a ... less than open-minded mindset, so I wanted to know why they felt that way and immerse myself a bit into the culture. It turned out people here are quite diverse and it makes me glad.

As for lolcows themselves ... for personal reasons i'd rather not indulge, I have a huge issue with socialization. It's not that I hated anybody, but it's for the fact that I don't feel like talking to anybody for very long. I lose interest very quickly and eventually focus on other things. I'm far from a people person, and despite some telling me it's normal, the fact alone scares me to death. I also have an issue with oversharing, so it's the reason why I may seem very distant.