Speaking of slop, dumb question but can any true and honest sandnigger explain to me how you’re not shitting liquid 24/7? I have a fascination with ethnic cuisine but every time I look at Indian breakfasts, Indian school lunches, Indian catering, etc. it’s always slop and slop-mops across the board. Don’t get me wrong, it’s delicious slop, but it is a lot of slop.
Edited to add: the British have yet to teach themselves how to cook real food. I’d rather eat something that tastes great and looks like vomit than something that looks like vomit, tastes like vomit, and also carries the name Spotted Dick.
I think the first thing you need to understand is that "Indian cuisine" in the west, at least from what I can guess based on the dishes you guys are talking about, is in reality just modified street food and some popular dishes from the parts of north and western India that the British or the Portugese had control of, most of which we simply don't eat regularly. For instance, I've never heard of "Vindaloo" in my entire life until I saw Americans talking about it online. The cuisine in India differs a ton just between different states, due to different states having very different terrain, flora, access to meats, and spices. For instance, even though Kerala and Tamil Nadu are neighbouring states, and the Malayali is essentially a descendent of the Tamil in terms of culture, a native from either state can instantly distinguish where something was cooked, even if it's a recipe common to both states.
Since the condition of areas are inversely proportional to how long the British had direct control of them, with cities like Bombay and Kolkata being turned into patches of luxury surrounded by slums, those places have a ton of disgusting people too.
Typically, the average Indian cook attempts to moderate spices as much as possible. This is especially true the farther south you go, since the influence from north Asia goes away and people start to prefer sweeter dishes. When there are curries that have spicy gravies, like with seer fish or chicken, they are cooked in clay pots and made very thick, and eaten with a staple that lessens the impact, like rice, tapioca, or breads. For dishes that use grinded chilli directly, like chutneys, a lot of people here prefer to add mustard seeds and curry leaves to the grinded chutney to fix the taste. For Biriyani, and similar flavoured rice, there are sweet spices added to moderate the spices. My people usually use cinnamon sticks or a bit of tamarind, while the muslims usually use bay leaves. The Sikhs are fond of using grated cheese, though I haven't found cheese to be a good moderator in anything except butter chicken and dal.
I suspect the bad experience many in the west have when dishes are prepared there, is that these moderating spices are added either incorrectly, or not at all, and since the preconception for Americans is that they love ultra spicy food, it's possible this is intentional, to make it more like the vastly more popular Mexican cuisine. I like spicy northern food like Chola Bhatture too, but whenever my stomach is upset, I've always found that reverting to the usual cuisine that I learned from my mother and grandmother fixes it.
Also, I'd like to say: I haven't found the perception that Indian men are skinnyfat to be true. 99% of men and women I've seen here are usually just skinny, and the fat people here, which are unfortunately becoming more common, are just fat. People get their protein through chicken, and for vegetarians, through a regular diet of milk and paneer. Brahmins, for example, who you'd think would be most prone to going skinnyfat, imposed large amounts of dairy in their diets. Large glasses of milk in the morning, tea or coffee brewed only with milk, desserts made of thickened milk and cream, etc. Dairy is common among other castes as well, but I've noticed that Brahmins particularly insist upon it at home.
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