🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[TheUltimatePickle]

And yet the surname Sweet is neither Irish nor Scottish. It's English.

Anyone surprised that he can't even get his own ancestry right? (Not to mention that he's completely ignoring his black forebears.)

His name is also wonderfully ironic: "The derivation [of Sweet], in this instance, is from the Middle English "swete", sweet, pleasant, agreeable (Old English, pre-7th Century "swete"), used to denote an affable, kindly person." Yeah, that's our Sweet.

What's funny is some older people in the south use "sweet" as a euphemism for gay.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

So Sweets spazzed the fuck out last night and replied to three things of mine last night. Haven't commented yet but here they are in all their delusional glory.

1- Life of Pi, totes high brow. Tbf probably his most boring

Hey, my family digs the same kind of movies I do. In fact, they recommended a lot of these titles for me. I picked the more highbrow film Life of Pi because (a) it's artsy (b) I heard good reviews on it and (b) I'm thinking about doing a parody of it called "Life of Pit", starring good ol' Mooch and the anthill tiger from eps. 310a and 712b.

2- Who needs to learn how to spell when there are people at ASU that can for him?

Learn to spell, jackass, huh? If I could just get one of the tech-heads at ASU to look at it for me, I'd have no problem, but clearly (as Doc Murky has shown us) they still hold a grudge over there.

3- Greatest Hits Collection

1. That doesn't make a lick of sense. What you're telling me is that a group of people, who apparently had nothing better to do (except, you know, their own studies, jobs, errands, families, other responsibilities) hated me sooooooooooo much they got together and concocted an elaborate hazing scheme to scare me by... giving me gifts. Uh-huh. Oh, and they also went to the trouble of keeping everyone around me directly or indirectly involved with this elaborate and far-reaching prank from spilling the beans, no doubt with an elaborate system (note small s) of nondisclosure agreements, payoffs, threats, and to insure their silence and full complicity. Uh-huh. I see. All this? A huge, elaborate hoax in which people invested their time, money, and effort, while in the long run it would have been far easier and less costly just to tell me to, in the ebonic vernacular, get to steppin', broth'a. And yet when pressed on it, you people keep insisting "dere nuh sistim, dere nuh sistim". Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, it simply doesn't wash. Tell you what, Slick, why'ontcha take a break, go confab with your buddies, and don't come back until you have your damn story straight, 'kay?

Oh, and by the way, if you're too dumb to use the correct form of "too" or properly employ a present participle phrase, you don't deserve.... well, much of anything. Bam. Roasted.

2. So what you're saying is, I should link my Amazon Wish List onto every blog I write and try to get my readers to buy me the specific gifts I want, instead of leaving it to their discretion. In other words, a perfect synergy between 1997-era progressiveism and millennial-era progressiveism. After all, why pay for stuff like a chump when I can get my goodies for free? Bam. Roasted.


Also, if you can buy the bulbs online so easily, why did those two krauts get in trouble with the Federalis for their little heatball scam? is that an example of the European progressiveism that American liberal douche-bags so desperately want us to emulate? Bam. Roasted, then basted.

3. You don't know what the hell you're talking about. I babysat for the kid countless times while she was growing up. Since I worked at home, I was the perfect live-in "manny". And I'm sorry, but pray tell, what does a "kiddie diddler" look like, because I'm sure your adroit eye will make the local constabulary want to hire you on as their new police profilerimmédiatement. Bam. Roasted, basted, and served with potatoes.

4. I only threaten people who deserve it. I'd say posting false and misleading information, fabricating phony court documents, and putting up photos of my house on public message boards qualifies you as deserving it. As for my "former classmate" (and I think you mean "faculty adviser"-- see, you can't get anything right, gibberhead), I have reason to suspect she was compliant, directly or indirectly, with the attacks on my person and psyche following my termination (i.e. the trash can incident, the "Ashleigh Bainks" debacle). Whether it was furious former coworkers or rabid, disturbed former fans who felt I betrayed them responsible for those acts, firing me was the worst mistake she could have made.

5. Here's the thing-- I could have, if my family hadn't intervened and fought me off of him. I was perilously close to either putting a second crack in his ass with that metal bar or strangling him with my bare hands. But I later realized my anger was misdirected- -It was Dale's fault for skipping town, turning him onto drugs, and tearing the family apart. He's the

I need to hunt down and make miserable.

 

[Ruin]

His attempts at urban slang almost have me in tears.

 

[RepQuest]

What's funny is some older people in the south use "sweet" as a euphemism for gay.

Some younger people down there use it, too, in pretty much the same passive-aggressive way as "bless your heart."

 

[Shadow Fox]

I love how desperately he's trying to convince himself he's won his internet argument with Troy by saying "Bam, roasted" at the end of every point.

He literally puts out the most laziest written and drawn crap ever and expects it to be promoted to God-tier media once the progressives have been taken care of.

I think this is what disgusts me the most about Sweetie's comic: he doesn't give a shit about it. It's supposed to be the lynchpin of his grand scheme to attain success and happiness, his way of earning the income to bring his plans to fruition and a means of swaying the masses to his way of thinking, but he can't be bothered to do anything to make it appealing or even readable. He refuses to investigate new techniques for drawing or lettering, he obviously puts zero effort into improving his artistic skills, and any constructive criticism he's offered is angrily rebuffed as part of some liberal ploy.

He could turn out a nicer-looking, more visually appealing product, but that would require effort, so he just stews in his own mediocrity and insists that it's working for him juuuuuuuuust fine, even though it's an almost certain bet that the only people even aware his comic exists are trolls.

If you don't take your comic seriously, Jon, why should anyone else?

 

[atomik fyre]

1. That doesn't make a lick of sense. What you're telling me is that a group of people, who apparently had nothing better to do (except, you know, their own studies, jobs, errands, families, other responsibilities) hated me sooooooooooo much they got together and concocted an elaborate hazing scheme to scare me by... giving me gifts. Uh-huh. Oh, and they also went to the trouble of keeping everyone around me directly or indirectly involved with this elaborate and far-reaching prank from spilling the beans, no doubt with an elaborate system (note small s) of nondisclosure agreements, payoffs, threats, and to insure their silence and full complicity. Uh-huh. I see. All this? A huge, elaborate hoax in which people invested their time, money, and effort, while in the long run it would have been far easier and less costly just to tell me to, in the ebonic vernacular, get to steppin', broth'a.And yet when pressed on it, you people keep insisting "dere nuh sistim, dere nuh sistim". Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, it simply doesn't wash. Tell you what, Slick, why'ontcha take a break, go confab with your buddies, and don't come back until you have your damn story straight, 'kay?

Sweets doesn't understand the concept of the classroom/workplace joke. He missed out on the fact that he is to ASU as CWC is to this board. Sweets, watching someones antics and messing with them requires no conspiracy. It's called messing with the office spaz. You were the spaz. After one person fucked with you and you reacted favorably they all decided to see if they could top each other. It's less organized than a game of pick up basketball. There was no hoax, they were just messing with you to mess with you, nothing elaborate at all.

those two krauts

Him saying "krauts" ironically never fails to make me laugh.

I was perilously close to either putting a second crack in his ass with that metal bar or strangling him with my bare hands. But I later realized my anger was misdirected- -It was Dale's fault for skipping town, turning him onto drugs, and tearing the family apart.

Wait... wait, Dale, Mrs. Sweets' boyfriend, got Sweets' brother hooked on drugs? I'm going to need a LOT more information on this!

I think this is what disgusts me the most about Sweetie's comic: he doesn't give a shit about it. It's supposed to be the lynchpin of his grand scheme to attain success and happiness, his way of earning the income to bring his plans to fruition and a means of swaying the masses to his way of thinking, but he can't be bothered to do anything to make it appealing or even readable. He refuses to investigate new techniques for drawing or lettering, he obviously puts zero effort into improving his artistic skills, and any constructive criticism he's offered is angrily rebuffed as part of some liberal ploy.

He could turn out a nicer-looking, more visually appealing product, but that would require effort, so he just stews in his own mediocrity and insists that it's working for him juuuuuuuuust fine, even though it's an almost certain bet that the only people even aware his comic exists are trolls.

If you don't take your comic seriously, Jon, why should anyone else?

This, a thousand times this. He either doesn't care, or is not mentally capable of making it anything worth reading. I've tried giving tips as well as links here on how to make the comic better. He either never addresses them, or makes excuses as to why they won't fit in his style. His style, or lack there off, produces very horrible results. Sweets doesn't even care enough to make sure his mary sue's hat has the same pins on it in the same area panel to panel. That's just shitty draftsmanship no matter how you look at it!

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

I picked the more highbrow film Life of Pi because (a) it's artsy (b) I heard good reviews on it and (b) I'm thinking about doing a parody of it called "Life of Pit", starring good ol' Mooch and the anthill tiger from eps. 310a and 712b.

Fart jokes and belch humor is not a parody. Mad is the most juvenile type of humor and most people grow out of around the age of 4.

Learn to spell, jackass, huh? If I could just get one of the tech-heads at ASU to look at it for me, I'd have no problem, but clearly (as Doc Murky has shown us) they still hold a grudge over there.

1) You are banned. They do not have a grudge against you. You are simply dead to them. It's not personal. It's business.

2) Google exists if you seriously have issues spelling shit. I do it all the time. Has no one seriously told you about Google?

1. That doesn't make a lick of sense. What you're telling me is that a group of people, who apparently had nothing better to do (except, you know, their own studies, jobs, errands, families, other responsibilities) hated me sooooooooooo much they got together and concocted an elaborate hazing scheme to scare me by... giving me gifts. Uh-huh. Oh, and they also went to the trouble of keeping everyone around me directly or indirectly involved with this elaborate and far-reaching prank from spilling the beans, no doubt with an elaborate system (note small s) of nondisclosure agreements, payoffs, threats, and to insure their silence and full complicity. Uh-huh. I see. All this? A huge, elaborate hoax in which people invested their time, money, and effort, while in the long run it would have been far easier and less costly just to tell me to, in the ebonic vernacular, get to steppin',broth'a. And yet when pressed on it, you people keep insisting "dere nuh sistim, dere nuh sistim". Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, it simply doesn't wash. Tell you what, Slick, why'ontcha take a break, go confab with your buddies, and don't come back until you have your damn story straight, 'kay?

Oh, and by the way, if you're too dumb to use the correct form of "too" or properly employ a present participle phrase, you don't deserve.... well, much of anything. Bam. Roasted.

You are so amazingly oblivious that I'm surprised that your body hasn't somehow forgotten to breathe.

Pennies and a poster are not gifts. They are inconveniences. They wanted to fuck with you, although they wanted to do it in a way that isn't blatantly illegal. Stealing your shit and directly assaulting you can get them expelled. Jamming your door with pennies won't although it would fuck with you. They could deface your hypothetical car (if you could drive) with graffiti and you would be happy that they gave it a new paint job. No one had to set up any system to keep this conspiracy away from you because everyone thought you were weird and you had no white knights that were coming to your aid and telling you you were being fucked with, and anyone that may have had the slightest bit of sympathy for you was probably weirded out by the guy that frantically grasped at pennies that clogged up his door instead of getting pissed off like any normal person.

And going after someone's grammar is insanely childish.

2. So what you're saying is, I should link my Amazon Wish List onto every blog I write and try to get my readers to buy me the specific gifts I want, instead of leaving it to their discretion. In other words, a perfect synergy between 1997-era progressiveism and millennial-era progressiveism. After all, why pay for stuff like a chump when I can get my goodies for free? Bam. Roasted.

Also, if you can buy the bulbs online so easily, why did those two krauts get in trouble with the Federalis for their little heatball scam? is that an example of the European progressiveism that American liberal douche-bags so desperately want us to emulate? Bam. Roasted, then basted.

Well, yes, some popular media creators on the Internet have Amazon wishlists that they occasionally have their audiences informed of. However, these people usually have a Patreon or some kind of Paypal account because fans are so willing to compensate them for their artwork, and most people with integrity don't fucking spam this shit anyway.

Not like that little caveat at the end even matters, since you need an audience with fans for people to donate to you anyway, and as we've been made very, very aware, Belch Dimension is less profitable and less appealing than Sonichu.

Also, I googled Heatball scam and didn't get any results, so I have to assume you're overinflating some very trivial issue. If you have a source, then please cite it. Your Wikipedia article doesn't count unless you think "being held back by a customs officer" somehow counts as a scam.

4. I only threaten people who deserve it. I'd say posting false and misleading information, fabricating phony court documents, and putting up photos of my house on public message boards qualifies you as deserving it. As for my "former classmate" (and I think you mean "faculty adviser"-- see, you can't get anything right, gibberhead), I have reason to suspect she was compliant, directly or indirectly, with the attacks on my person and psyche following my termination (i.e. the trash can incident, the "Ashleigh Bainks" debacle). Whether it was furious former coworkers or rabid, disturbed former fans who felt I betrayed them responsible for those acts, firing me was the worst mistake she could have made.

Pray tell, how is it the worst mistake she has ever made? You have no power and you have shown yourself too lazy to do anything about your ban beyond bitching about it in your comics. I'm not even that bothered by you bitching about former grudges, because the fact of the matter is that you're just plain bitter. Some random ass person slighted you in your past and you will do absolutely nothing to fix it.

I would dare you to prove me wrong, but we all know you won't.

5. Here's the thing-- I could have, if my family hadn't intervened and fought me off of him. I was perilously close to either putting a second crack in his ass with that metal bar or strangling him with my bare hands. But I later realized my anger was misdirected- -It was Dale's fault for skipping town, turning him onto drugs, and tearing the family apart. He's the

I need to hunt down and make miserable.

See above.

You talk big, but we all know what happened when your mother was being beaten.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Every bam Jon attributes himself with is accompanied by a comment where he utterly fails to make a point.

1. As has been very stated by others above, pranking a social dimwit is easy and cheap. Jon pulled all that nonsensical conspiracy stuff straight out of his crooked behind.

2. Jon doesn't want people to give him specific items that he wants, but random stuff instead. He's still a leech on society, but he'd prefer you surprise him by watching for "hints" in his comics in that very response thread:

I know we have a virtual badge system in place, but if you really like a contributor's work, why not show your love by mailing them small tokens of appreciation? You'll often find your favorite blogger or artist frequently drops hints about what they enjoy or need n [sic] their work. The work itself should determine the right gift to send along. For example, a artist who does portraits of their favorite celebrity might like to receive a magazine with a photo spread of their idol (possibly of the nudie variety). A blogger who talks about a particular consumer item might enjoy seeing one sent along to them, free.

Given what he's shown us so far, Jon would really like us to send him large boxes of feces.

3.

And I'm sorry, but pray tell, what does a "kiddie diddler" look like, because I'm sure your adroit eye will make the local constabulary want to hire you on as their new police profiler immédiatement.

Since you have no idea who @DrChristianTroy is, Jon, he could well be a member of the police force, children's services, or other law enforcement agency. Anyhow, regardless of Jon's horrible, horrible appearance, one can easily look at his writing and previous statements to determine that he is, in fact, a twisted and unstable pervert who should be kept well-away from children.

4. None of the information posted here has been proven false or misleading. Phony court documents? What court documents? Further, given your available criminal history, why would we need to come up with phony ones?

He provides not a shred of evidence for any of the claims in the rest of his comment, but says he merely has a "reason to suspect." Uh-huh. Based on...? I mean, other than butthurt...?

5.

Here's the thing-- I could have, if my family hadn't intervened and fought me off of him. I was perilously close to either putting a second crack in his ass with that metal bar or strangling him with my bare hands.

Ah, geez, METAL BAR STORY VERSION FIVE. Suddenly, it's not his brother who disarmed him in his drug-fueled state, but his "family". According to every single version of the story he's related so far, there were exactly three people involved in the incident: His mother, his brother, and himself. Now, here we have his "family" "pulling" him off Tim. Yeah, you know, Tim, who's built like a bull moose and has had nothing to worry about from his older brother because, and I quote, "He's bigger than me and can hurt me." Yet Jon was going to strangle him with his "bare hands."

Tell you what, Jon, why'ontcha take a break, go root around in a toilet, find a consistent narrative, and don't come back until you have your story straight, 'kay?

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Tim seems to be working hard to turn his life around.

Jon doesn't do anything but fantasize about revenge.

Team Tim!

 

[DrJonesHat]

Does Sweet honestly think that ASU is the only place to get tech support? Google you flatulent oaf! Also, there are places that will, for a fee, fix your computer or answer your computer questions, and you don't have to risk arrest by going to a place you are permanently banned from.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Does Sweet honestly think that ASU is the only place to get tech support? Google you flatulent oaf! Also, there are places that will, for a fee, fix your computer or answer your computer questions, and you don't have to risk arrest by going to a place you are permanently banned from.

ASU is the most technologically advanced place he has ever been. To him they are the epitome of futuristic, Iron Man tech. Professionals that fix computers for a living? No thanks I'll go to these kids who do it for a credit at a place I am not allowed.

 

[Goofy Logic]

ASU is the most technologically advanced place he has ever been. To him they are the epitome of futuristic, Iron Man tech. Professionals that fix computers for a living? No thanks I'll go to these kids who do it for a credit at a place I am not allowed.

From his Buck Rogers Part 2 rant, he implies that professional computer techs are just scam artists looking to take his money.

He can do the same job they do by gluing the charging plug to a broken port.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

A decent number of Southerners, and I can't believe I'm trying to be fair to this assclown, are "Scots-Irish," a really specific designation (over there, you more often hear such a person referred to as an Ulster Scot) involving people who left Scotland; settled in the northern part of Ireland for a couple of generations; and then, in this case, proceeded to North America. However, if what Sweet actually means is "I have both Scots and Irish people as ancestors," that's not the same thing. (Power level trivia: This is why my idiot ex-husband thinks he's Irish, buys Chieftains albums that he never listens to, and gets all weepy about the Easter Rising. He doesn't know that his family is a sept of Clan X on his father's side and of Other Clan on his mother's. Of course, he also thinks the rumor that he had a Lakota great-grandmother is a good reason to buy John Trudell albums and get all weepy about Wounded Knee, sans actual proof. These guys should be locked in a moldy closet together, I swear.)

Also: Jonathan, you fucking idiot. Do you know when urine becomes bacteria-contaminated? When it leaves the urethra. Unless this moron wipes his bell-end with alcohol, which admittedly would be hilarious, every time he pees, he is contaminating it with his skin. Plus apparently nobody told him about the effects of dehydration or asparagus.

 

[Shadow Fox]

Whoa, I missed this bit of spergery on his most recent journal.

Bitch, please. Customer support is a joke. I tried them about ten years ago, following a computer crash on Dale's old piece of junk. They sent me a couple of disks they said would restore my and reboot system. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure it did-- after wiping my whole hard drive clean. I lost a number of photos, all my scans for the first issue, and, a 60,000-word first draft for my new novel "The House on Chaburt Road", which I've never been able to fully reconstruct (I later retitled it "The Face of Burgess Goldstein", and it's a completely different book, thus the reason it's been pushed back half a dozen times or so since '09).

The reason I have so much trouble with my old computer is that people run slobbering and gibbering mindlessly off the cliff thinking they're getting somewhere with that "move on"and "PRO-OOOO-OOO-O-gress" blah-blah. It's all ephemeral. No one knows how to service this vintage beauties properly anymore. They're content to shitcan their old equipment when it gets a hiccup and let it rot in a landfill, leaking God knows what crap into the groundwater. That's why they should have just left the Hotmail backdoor open another year, at least. I could've attached and saved all my files by then.

- Jon tried something once that didn't work for him so he refuses to ever try it again.
- No one told him that restoring his computer's harddrive meant all the data would be wiped...except for everything ever written about restoring computer harddrives.
- Bluh bluh one of Jon's shitty novels, blah blah blah missed a self-imposed deadline because reasons, arghblah.
- Jon's ancient computer has problems because people keep buying newer models. Ergo, Jon's troubles are all because of progress, as per usual.
- Jon is concerned about the environment when it supports his whining about computers, but not when it forces him to use light bulbs that can't also function as bug zappers.
- Angry emote gif to show he's really serious.

 

[Ruin]

ASU is the most technologically advanced place he has ever been. To him they are the epitome of futuristic, Iron Man tech. Professionals that fix computers for a living? No thanks I'll go to these kids who do it for a credit at a place I am not allowed.

Its been mentioned by other Kiwis but I'm of the opinion that the computer labs and buffets are just excuses and Sweet's primary motivation for returning to ASU is pussy. Given his general ignorance and pedophilic tendencies it wouldn't surprise me at all if he thinks the majority of college women are underage.

 

[DrJonesHat]

Whoa, I missed this bit of spergery on his most recent journal.


- Jon tried something once that didn't work for him so he refuses to ever try it again.
- No one told him that restoring his computer's harddrive meant all the data would be wiped...except for everything ever written about restoring computer harddrives.
- Bluh bluh one of Jon's shitty novels, blah blah blah missed a self-imposed deadline because reasons, arghblah.
- Jon's ancient computer has problems because people keep buying newer models. Ergo, Jon's troubles are all because of progress, as per usual.
- Jon is concerned about the environment when it supports his whining about computers, but not when it forces him to use light bulbs that can't also function as bug zappers.
- Angry emote gif to show he's really serious.

• The instructions for every set of restore discs tell you that it will wipe the contents of your harddrive. That's the first thing they tell you. They tell you when you start the the process, before you do anything irreversible.
• People by newer models cause they're better. Also, the idea that no one knows how to service his ancient PC is typical of his ignorance. No one will service it because they don't make components for it anymore. You'd have to buy from retrocomputing places, and those can be expensive.
• I love how he insults a whole profession because he doesn't understand it. Fuck you Jon, I worked hard to learn my skills. Yes, we'll charge you a fee for fixing your computer, but that's how we make a living. As someone who identifies as Republican, you should be all in favor of selling your labor for profit.

EDIT: @Ruin, he may or may not be lusting after underaged flesh, but his statements seem to indicate he thinks the college itself plays a role in hooking up the male students with female companionship. He wants back into ASU because he thinks he's going to get another college issue "girlfriend" like Ashleigh.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

people run slobbering and gibbering mindlessly off the cliff thinking they're getting somewhere with that "move on"and "PRO-OOOO-OOO-O-gress" blah-blah

People who speak of the virtues of progress and moving on usually aren't "slobbering and gibbering mindlessly off the cliff," they're spreading their wings and flying off the cliff while Sweet just stands at the cliff's edge, firmly planted in half-past 1997, angrily ranting about how change is bad. No one told him how to fly on his own.

 

[wheat pasta]

Bam, @DrChristianTroy. Apparently you got roasted or something.
Hahaha, you guys all hit it out of the park though. Half the reason I come here is for the rebuttals to Jon's crazy rants.

Unrelated, but Mooch is a cutie pie. I can't imagine someone as easily angered yet weak-willed as our hero having a pitbull and actually knowing how to handle it, but oh well. What are you gonna do.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

So I don't usually post things not related to my interaction with Sweets (Totes egotisitical and whatnot) but I found this funny.

Which is on a CD-ROM disk... which has to be played on a DVD player... which I can't do because the pin in the laptop is broken. What kind of Catch-22 fartknockery is this?!

What kind of wacky ass warranty can only be accessed through a CD-Rom? I'm not the most tech savvy but surely there's a barcode or some shit not just a DVD.

 

[DrJonesHat]

So I don't usually post things not related to my interaction with Sweets (Totes egotisitical and whatnot) but I found this funny.


What kind of wacky ass warranty can only be accessed through a CD-Rom? I'm not the most tech savvy but surely there's a barcode or some shit not just a DVD.

Actually, that's not as weird as it sounds. Lots of places issue their warranty on DVD, but the thing is, you're supposed to register with it online, and then you can just go to the warranty website if you need service. Someone probably told Jon this, but his eyes glazed over because it wasn't immediately relevant to him. Regardless, he probably voided the warranty by trying to fix it himself.