🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

I was under the impression that he had gotten Windows itself mixed up with Internet Exploder 6 since that was the last version that could run on Windows 98.

Yeah, I think this was discussed much earlier in the thread. He probably couldn't figure out the actual version number of whatever system he's running if you held a gun to his head. The idea that the browser version is different from the OS version would probably make him need to take six aspirin and lie down for a couple of hours. In his letter to YouTube, he mentioned only the OS he was running, despite the fact that his problem was caused by running a browser that YouTube stopped supporting four years before Sweet's machine crashed on the site.

The Farting Brain of Blytheville wrote in 2014:

I have a HP over ten years old [By which he means, "made in 2000 at the very latest."] that runs Windows 98. I made a one-minute commercial on the VideoMVP program and attempted to upload it to the 'Tube (as at about 30MB, it was too large to attach to an e-mail). A moment later my computer started acting weird. The colors are all funny, I can't get it out of Safe mode, and the mouse and keyboard aren't working. I think a virus somewhere on YT crashed my computer simply because the browser is slightly our [sic] of date. My computer is my entire life, [Christ have mercy!] and I think whoever is in charge here should reimburse me for any loss or hardship I have suffered. Some information on how to fix the problem or the cost of a new computer might be in order. [Emphasis added.] Gracias and good day.

 

[DrJonesHat]

@Dr. Merkwurdichliebe, to your knowledge, did he ever receive a response?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

@Dr. Merkwurdichliebe, to your knowledge, did he ever receive a response?

I have never seen him write about receiving a response to his lunatic letter to YouTube.

 

[wheat pasta]

Yeah, I think this was discussed much earlier in the thread. He probably couldn't figure out the actual version number of whatever system he's running if you held a gun to his head. The idea that the browser version is different from the OS version would probably make him need to take six aspirin and lie down for a couple of hours. In his letter to YouTube, he mentioned only the OS he was running, despite the fact that his problem was caused by running a browser that YouTube stopped supporting four years before Sweet's machine crashed on the site.

That letter is shades of CWC right there. Damn.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

(Go to the last paragraph.)

That's the 2nd known time Sweet referred to himself as "ever the scientist." The other was with that peanuts under the pyramid thing.

 

[sonichuis44]

Spoiler

The Shaner thread was finally locked due to try-hard weenery and the lack of any real content. I stopped following after that, so I don't know what happened with the charges he was facing.

To answer your questions:

• Jon pisses in bottles so he doesn't have to get up from watching TV. After he was expelled from ASU and moved out of the dorm, someone found a bottle full of his piss, so he's been doing this for quite a while
• His mom was assaulted by persons of African descent, so he claims. In reality, he cowered in the house and didn't do anything (including call 911). His story has changed since he got flack over not helping his mother, he now claims he was too far away to do anything before the attackers all ran away into the night, and he did call 911.
• Not sure why the shop folded, but Jon seemed to have trouble grasping the fact that he worked for Dale, and therefore Dale was in charge. Jon was upset that he allowed black people into the store, particularly an incident where a black kid sold his parents' lawnmower. Dale had to sort that out with the cops. Jon thought he was idiot for buying the lawnmower (and this is a rare case of Jon having a small point. What kid has a lawnmower that's his to sell?)
• The doll store just never came to fruition because of trouble with the woman Jon's mom was going to open the store with, but I really don't know much beyond that other than Jon was going to live at the store.

Ok, that was about as much as I knew. I was hoping some new details had emerged - why did his mom get attacked? I don't believe for a second that a wild niggo appeared and Mama Sweet was out of usable pokemon. All I've seen about Dale's shop is that Sweet immediately decided Dale was incompetent and the store needed to be a Whites-only comic book shop, I'm guessing it closed for the same reason every small business in small town america has closed? And the doll shop, do we know why it fell through (other than the promise of a 35-year-old pisstroll living upstairs)?

And what about the driving thing? I don't remember anything about him learning to drive and being scared of dogs until I read it catching up on this thread.

There's also the fact that Sweet is quite articulate. I know we constantly give him shit for his writing skills, but considering his actual level of intelligence and mental maturity, it's amazing he's able to express himself as well as he does. At first glance, Sweet's writing style can fool people into treating him seriously because he's rather well-spoken and coherent. So it's often a "wtf?" moment when you first experience one of his Liberal Conspiracy posts because the message is expressed articulately, but the message itself makes no fucking sense. The sharp contrast between the quality of the message and the quality of the writing is very uncanny. Nothing like Shaner, who could only express his autism through shitposting or poorly written rants.

Yeah, this exactly. He's no Shakespeare, but he can build a sentence. He's got the syntax down, it's the semantics that seem to trip him up. Then you realize it's all self-evident and perfectly sensible to him...

 

[MrsFrizzle]

I think Ma Sweet was just the victim of a random mugging. Which sucks; poor lady has suffered enough. But leave it to Sweet to make it all about himself!

 

[AJMLurker]

And what about the driving thing? I don't remember anything about him learning to drive and being scared of dogs until I read it catching up on this thread.

That's because he told the story on AJM before it shut down.

More can be found here in @Le Bateleur's archives.

Before the Kiwis showed up, it seemed Sweet Bro tried to give off the image to us AJMers that he could drive and had a license. While he never directly stated that he drove, he would say statements like "I love farting in the car" and leave out information to make you think he was the one driving while indulging in his, ugh, interest. Until he was exposed by the Farms, Sweet never dared to state that he was always riding shotgun in mommy's car.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I note he hinted at stale old vendettas even there. Sweet never lets go of a grudge, does he?

And damn, seems like any foe against Sweet has ninja powers.

 

[Ti-99/4A]

Sweet never lets go of a grudge does he?

Moving on is a dang dirty liberal progressive ploy.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

AJMLurker said: ↑
There's also the fact that Sweet is quite articulate. I know we constantly give him shit for his writing skills, but considering his actual level of intelligence and mental maturity, it's amazing he's able to express himself as well as he does. At first glance, Sweet's writing style can fool people into treating him seriously because he's rather well-spoken and coherent. So it's often a "wtf?" moment when you first experience one of his Liberal Conspiracy posts because the message is expressed articulately, but the message itself makes no fucking sense. The sharp contrast between the quality of the message and the quality of the writing is very uncanny. Nothing like Shaner, who could only express his autism through shitposting or poorly written rants.

Yeah, this exactly. He's no Shakespeare, but he can build a sentence. He's got the syntax down, it's the semantics that seem to trip him up. Then you realize it's all self-evident and perfectly sensible to him...

While Sweet is capable of making his meaning clear, he writes at a level far, far below what one would expect of someone with a B.A. in English. His diction and punctuation are notably flawed. His command of idiom is pathetic. In his attempts to defend his blunders, Sweet demonstrates that he knows almost nothing about formal grammar. His scribblings from before spellcheck was widely available are filled with misspelled words. And errors of fact pullulate throughout his failed attempts at everything from "bad boy" journalism to fiction to blogging.

Let's look at the puerile invective that he directs at us as an example. When engaging in vituperation, no English major or published author of my acquaintance regards the combination of pejorative + knocker (i.e., assknocker, fartknocker, and so on) as the ne plus ultra of devastating repartee. This is what you would expect from a mildly dimwitted fifth-grader on a playground, not from a college graduate attempting to display his intellectual chops on an Internet forum.

When I taught freshman English back in the day, the vast majority of my students wrote far better than Sweet does. And most of them were not even working on degrees in the humanities. I do not exaggerate when I say that he could not currently pass the grammar-intensive English courses at the parochial middle school I attended. Sister Dolores would have slapped him into a coma for his ignorantly abusive treatment of reflexive pronouns alone.

Sweet qualifies as literate. But he is not a good writer.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Think back to a time when you had an opportunity and didn't take it or made a mistake and fucked something up. Everyone has things they wish they could have done differently and it stings, but we learn from it and move on.

Sweet is incapable of learning from those things, he makes a mistake and then instead of learning from it he shifts the blame to someone else, be it the Herald staff or Da Dang Libruls or whatever. Then he obsesses over how he's going to get revenge for the percieved wrong.

It's been almost TWENTY years that he's been sitting and stewing over getting kicked off the fucking college paper. Think about the countless people have been born and grown up and learned how to drive and lost their virginity and gone off to college in those twenty years while he's been sitting there in his mother's rotting shack ranting on the internet and pining for the scrumptions banquets and chinaphone at ASU.

It's almost unbelievably incredibly tragic yet so comical at the same time.

 

[AJMLurker]

Sweet qualifies as literate. But he is not a good writer.

Agreed fully. As a writer with a command of the English language, Sweet is mediocre, well, mediocre for someone with his level of autism. As a storyteller, Sweet is an absolute atrocity to the craft. We all know what a painful chore it is to actually sit down and read his shit. I once read one of his comic episodes to possibly review it in this thread, but damn, I was dying from second-hand embarrassment by the time I reached the end... well, actually, I really just wanted to set myself on fire for even exposing myself to whatever the fuck it was. One of my favorite Sweetian cow traits is how Sweet always goes off about how the masses will one day embrace his shit comic and novels. The classic delusional idiocy you would expect from him. He literally puts out the most laziest written and drawn crap ever and expects it to be promoted to God-tier media once the progressives have been taken care of. One of the worst parts of reading a Sweetian story is having to read the dialogue for his characters. As expected, every single one of Sweet's characters will be dropping Sweetisms in their conversations, making you wonder if all his characters are just his dumbass in a costume.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

More can be found here in @Le Bateleur's archives.

Sweet apparently is "Scots-Irish," according to himself.

I also found this interesting quote in the archives:

What keeps you coming back? [to AJM]

It's a great little forum. People seem to understand me here. I'm afraid I've worn out my welcome at my fair share of boards in the past. My politics rub someone the wrong way, or somebody gets offended over a joke I make, or someone says the wrong thing to me and the teeth come out. I mean, I can take honest criticism, but some people confuse it with abuse. Often I make an enemy out of one person in a forum, and then others run to their defense--no matter what crackbrained or vitriolic thing they might say--and then a huge stupid flame war starts.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Sweet apparently is "Scots-Irish," according to himself.

And yet the surname Sweet is neither Irish nor Scottish. It's English.

Anyone surprised that he can't even get his own ancestry right? (Not to mention that he's completely ignoring his black forebears.)

His name is also wonderfully ironic: "The derivation [of Sweet], in this instance, is from the Middle English "swete", sweet, pleasant, agreeable (Old English, pre-7th Century "swete"), used to denote an affable, kindly person." Yeah, that's our Sweet.

 

[Ruin]

Can someone explain why a guy born in the 70's uses vernacular from the mid 1800's like negro and mulatto? I sweets an exceptional idiot or do all people from the south still talk like that?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Can someone explain why a guy born in the 70's uses vernacular from the mid 1800's like negro and mulatto? I sweets an exceptional idiot or do all people from the south still talk like that?

No. Almost no white people in the South talk like Sweet. And mulatto and Negro are the least of his problems. He uses words like coon and jigaboo and spade to describe black people. There was a time -- a time long past -- when educated and civilized white people in the South referred to blacks as either "colored" or "Negroes." Blacks also used these terms in those days, as reflected in the names of the United Negro College Fund and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. And there was a time when terms like mulatto, quadroon, octoroon, and quintroon were used to precisely define the percentage of black blood in a person's ancestry. These terms were also used by whites and black alike. Now, you never hear the latter group of words mentioned outside of a Klan meeting.

Sweet is an unrepentant and unreformed racist. That's really all there is to it. Like all impoverished, white-trash Southern racists, looking down on black people allows Sweet to feel superior solely because of his melanin deficiency and -- in his case -- his ability to pass as white, even though the overwhelming majority of blacks are far more successful at life than he is. They are smarter, more talented, wealthier, better-looking, harder-working. You name the category, he gets the short end of the stick in Sweet vs. Black People.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Regarding that quote from the interview I just posted -- if you read between the lines, one can see that Sweet was probably getting b& from forums for the same reason(s) he got b& from The Herald.

Oh yeah, and in that archive where Sweet said he's "Scots-Irish," he also said he liked the "culture" and the "language" of Asia (note the singular). That's like a hikikomori in rural Hokkaido saying he likes "North American culture" and "North American language."

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

Can someone explain why a guy born in the 70's uses vernacular from the mid 1800's like negro and mulatto? I sweets an exceptional idiot or do all people from the south still talk like that?

Given Sweets's obsession with anything that's older than I fucking am (20's range), I imagine his vocabulary is influenced by a lot of old and archaic shit that no one actually cares for now. I'm not quite sure how, since most parents I know tend not to drown their kid in stuff that interested them when they were children because it tends to be old and boring, but Sweets seems to have had a childhood heavily influenced by media where "negro" is a popular phrase, which means someone locked his adolescent brain in the 1950's or something.

Hell, in some ways he came off as rather tame. At least he's calling us all liberals and not Commies.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Given Sweets's obsession with anything that's older than I fucking am (20's range)

Like I said earlier, knowing what we know of Sweet's personality, I think Sweet didn't get along with kids his age when he was actually still a kid, but there still was the older generation to relate to.