🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Chan the Wizard]

Miley may be 23 now, but Sweet specifically mentioned buying her Disney movies from before she lost her morals.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I wonder if anyone told Sweet of the "half your age plus 7" rule of thumb when it comes to dating? Seeing how he wants hip young college students to frequent his dreamed up brothel college living hotel, I guess not.

Things Sweet believes

Got more suggestions:

"All it takes is a hairpiece and some minor changes to pass off as a hip young college student."

"Founding the Teapot Domers and bringing the world back to half-past 1997 with them is totally feasible."

Also this:

TV ratings, which have done more to destroy lives, cost jobs, and rob Americans of their freedom than any other law to come down the pike in a decade[...]

And apparently, incandescent light bulbs make good bug zappers.

And of course there's that college living hotel idea.

 

[Adamska]

And apparently, incandescent light bulbs make good bug zappers.

The government got rid of incandescent light bulbs in an attempt to make his life worse since mosquito problem. His solution is to keep giant cobwebs everywhere rather than go to Walmart and get a fucking bug zapper.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

"the plumber who criticized Obama"

Is he talking about "Joe the Plumber"? I guess no one told Sweet that the dude's name isn't "Joe" and he's, wait for it, not a plumber. This is coming from someone who wanted to be a journalist, a profession that involves fact-checking?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

"the plumber who criticized Obama"

Is he talking about "Joe the Plumber"? I guess no one told Sweet that the dude's name isn't "Joe" and he's, wait for it, not a plumber. This is coming from someone who wanted to be a journalist, a profession that involves fact-checking?

This is the guy who had five major factual errors in the first two sentences of the TV ratings column that got his plagiarizing ass fired from The Herald. It's a good thing for him he was an English major; he'd have flunked out in his first semester in journalism, where -- at most universities -- two factual errors in the same story means an automatic F. His combination of exuberant autism, intellectual conceit and pathological laziness is unique.

For those who may have missed it while skimming the thread, here's the post:

Earlier in this thread, someone posted Mr. Sweet's infamous TV ratings column. Pretty much everything he wrote about the history of movie ratings was factually incorrect. He was too lazy to do any research at all and just pulled the "facts" out of his ass.

Here we go, courtesy of He Sets Me On Fire:

TV RATING SYSTEM

In the beginning it was ratings for movies. It started with the basics: G for general audiences, PG meant that parents had to accompany their kids to the theaters, R meant that anyone under sixteen was not admitted, and X, of course, meant strictly adult.

Where to start?

Error 1: PG was not part of the original ("in the beginning") ratings system.

Error 2: When the PG rating was introduced, it did not mean that those under 16 had to be accompanied by a parent; it meant that parental guidance was recommended. (Gremlins was rated PG, for cryin' out loud.)

Errors 3 and 4: R did not mean that "anyone under 16 was not admitted"; it meant that those under 17 could see the movie if they were accompanied by a parent.

Error 5: X did not men "strictly adult." Those who were 17 -- and neither "strictly" nor legally adults --could attend X-rated films.

So, in the first two sentences of his most famous column ever, Mr. Sweet had five major factual errors. If only his career hadn't been derailed by the Liberal/Progressive Conspiracy™, there's no telling how far he would have gone in journalism.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

Holy shit. People still give a fuck about Iconoclast?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

People still give a fuck about Iconoclast?

Sweet still gives one about us. We're pretty much the only people on the internet he talks to nowadays.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

Sweet still gives one about us. We're pretty much the only people on the internet he talks to nowadays.

I guess it's the only way he can get anyone to pay attention to him.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

I guess it's the only way he can anyone to pay attention to him.

Based on the fact that he's threatening to track us down, torture us to death, decapitate us and put our heads of pikes in his his mom's back yard, I'm guessing that he isn't really enjoying the attention.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

Based on the fact that he's threatening to track us down, torture us to death, decapitate us and put our heads of pikes in his back yard, I'm guessing that he isn't really enjoying the attention.

Damn, that's edgy as fuck! I'm going to drop out of this thread, I'm scared for my safety.

 

[Le Bateleur]

New post on Sweet's dA.

A question that gets brought up from time to time on this thread is whether Sweet Bro realises what a trainwreck his life has become. This most recent post gives us an answer - he doesn't, because his powers of self-deception are finely honed. Pic related.

It's interesting that he draws himself slightly translucent, as if he were a ghost. Maybe subconsciously the ghostly appearance is a metaphor for his being unable to interact meaningfully with the world around him.

The blog itself is a scattershot rant-by-numbers against new technology, claiming that his 15-year-old computer is "built to last" but in the next paragraph stating that it needs to "spend a lot of time resting so they don't overheat and crash".

He confirms his laptop has a broken charger socket, and that he hasn't got it repaired since March.

He brings up another one of his pet conspiracies - that Microsoft closed a useful Hotmail "back door" and prevented him transferring files between his computers.

Sweet used to use his Hotmail account to send files as attachments to his own email address, allowing him to mail a file to himself on one computer and retrieve it on another. He seems to think this is a super-advanced clever "back door" loophole that only an elite few power users ever stumble across. Of course, it isn't.

He further thinks that his 15-year-old computer and its doubtless 15-year-old version of Internet Explorer not being able to access the internet any more is because Microsoft somehow decided to "close" his ingenious "Hotmail back door".

This is obviously not the case, but clearly no-one told Sweet Bro about things like changes to Web standards, and the end of Microsoft support for old products meaning that anyone still using them online is all-but-guaranteed to fall victim to some form of malware.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

That self portrait is inaccurate.
Sweets you are much fatter than that.
Your "work"station is much messier.
Your walls have holes in them and are covered in cobwebs and mold.
We've seen the pictures. That is reality.
1/10
I give you 1 point for accurately depicting the bald spot.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

[Sweetish Affirmation]

That comic looks like one of those positive thinking affirmations.

Although to me, it looks more like just waiting around for the ideal life to arrive.

Here's a quote Sweet probably thinks is a ploy:

[A] person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

....my mind works in strange ways.

The only accurate part of that statement.

I just finished up the pencils on another story, but the coloring will have to wait until I get the connector pin for the electrical cable readjusted so I can charge the battery on my laptop. Sure, you can fix it yourself, according to some Internet tutorial@, but honestly I don't trust those things. 90% of those videos are patent bullshit. Either I'll slip up while dicking around with the port and electrocute myself,

Ah, so a win/win for everybody.

See, this is why older computers will always, always, always be superior this newer, "easier to use" technology. These late-nineties models are like tanks-- not pretty, not streamlined, but got-dang it, they were built to last. They are reliable old workhorses that wouldn't be taken out by a little piece of metal less than a centimeter long getting a few degrees off-kilter.

Followed by:

the parts look a little shabby and need to be fixed or replaced more often

Make up your mind, Jon.

Oh, and in response to the whole "Everything I want will come to me" statement, I'm guessing that what you ultimately want is to spend your final days unloved, unwanted, and desperately lacking food and shelter.

Because you're going to die alone and poor.

 

[Dilligaff]

@Chan the Wizard - give him one more point for that speech bubble coming from his ass for accuracy. (Jon, the tail of the speech bubble is usually supposed to point to the mouth, the orifice most people talk out of - or at least the cranium if the mouth is not pictured).

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

The only accurate part of that statement.



Ah, so a win/win for everybody.



Followed by:



Make up your mind, Jon.

Oh, and in response to the whole "Everything I want will come to me" statement, I'm guessing that what you ultimately want is to spend your final days unloved, unwanted, and desperately lacking food and shelter.

Because you're going to die alone and poor.

His computer didn't break because modern computers suck, it broke because it was a cheap piece of shit and he's a retarded Neanderthal.

My MacBook Pro has been through more in the last four years than thumb skull has in his entire four decades of existence it's been slammed around through airport security dozens of times, taken camping, tossed in the backseat of a car and it's still working great despite being a little beat up.

Then again John would have to pick up like ten billion cans to be able to afford something like that.

 

[DrJonesHat]

My Toshiba is four years old, and if handled like a normal piece of technology, it works fine. My charging port is fine, cause I don't trip over the cord (which is probably what Sweet did). Also, surely Sweet has a warranty. He shouldn't need to be be fixing his own laptop, the store should do that for him. Did no one tell him how warranties work, or does he just not trust people who are trained to do the thing he needs done?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I think I may have mentioned it earlier, but retrocomputing is a thing. But in order to be a good retrocomputer enthusiast, one has to take good care of one's equipment. And using a fossil system while expecting websites to cater to you is kind of short-sighted at best.

Speaking of stuff I've mentioned before, I imagine that the malware situation on the is much like the state of the Sweet yard -- no one told Sweet about how to avoid malware. The browser Sweet uses may look like this.

 

[DrJonesHat]

Also, Sweet's belief that older computers are sturdier than new systems is, no surprise, wrong. Newer machines are engineered to be more durable than their older counterparts, and they're far more energy efficient and with the new OSes, they're more reliable overall. But no computer, no matter how well designed, can withstand being tossed about or pulled to the floor by tripping over the cord. Laptops, by their very nature, are more fragile than desktops (which is what Sweet's ancient computer is, if I recall correctly).

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Also, Sweet's belief that older computers are sturdier than new systems is, no surprise, wrong. Newer machines are engineered to be more durable than their older counterparts, and they're far more energy efficient and with the new OSes, they're more reliable overall. But no computer, no matter how well designed, can withstand being tossed about or pulled to the floor by tripping over the cord. Laptops, by their very nature, are more fragile than desktops (which is what Sweet's ancient computer is, if I recall correctly).

Kinda reminds me of the old people who think old 60s deathtraps were so much safer than newer vehicles because they dont understand how crumple zones work.

Then again this is the guy who thinks incandescent bulbs magically kill mosquitos somehow and thus are the pinnacle of lighting technology.