🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Sanae Kochiya]

I forget. Has he ever fought a troll analogue in his comics? It seems to be a stable among lolcows who produce a type of escapism to portray their critics as strawmen and then beat them up with some laughable diatribe about how they were right all along.

I mean, it would be a nice change from bitching about ASU all the time.

 

[CatFace]

I just realized. A good number of our lolcows have misshapen heads.

Perhaps it's their skull's attempt to contain their warped mind? When Sweet's head reached capacity for his ego it desperately shed hair to increase ventilation.

If he ever got the hairpiece he'd overheat and shut down.

 

[Shadow Fox]

I forget. Has he ever fought a troll analogue in his comics? It seems to be a stable among lolcows who produce a type of escapism to portray their critics as strawmen and then beat them up with some laughable diatribe about how they were right all along.

I mean, it would be a nice change from bitching about ASU all the time.

He's got that Leo Greer character who's supposed to be a stand-in for the college psychiatrist who supposedly conspired with the ASU higher-ups to have him banished, but I don't know if Jonichu has ever fought him. And there was that storyline where his alternate universe self builds a time machine and Jonichu gives some college administrators a lecture about how mean they were to AU Jon and it was their fault he wound up a stunted, homicidal manchild.

I guess I should force myself to read some more of Jon's shitty comic just so I have a better idea of what there is to mock, but life is so short and I dislike pain.

 

[Le Bateleur]

I forget. Has he ever fought a troll analogue in his comics? It seems to be a stable among lolcows who produce a type of escapism to portray their critics as strawmen and then beat them up with some laughable diatribe about how they were right all along.

I mean, it would be a nice change from bitching about ASU all the time.

Along with what @Shadow Fox mentions, one of his books features an unstable young man who shoots a young woman who catfished him over the Chinaphone, and her father too for good measure. The killer is a thinly-disguised Sweet Bro Mary Sue.

If Sweet weren't so praeternaturally helpless, poor, and unable to learn new skills, I reckon he'd have attempted to track down and assault his list of enemies by now. He's a self-confessed attempted fratricide.

 

[DrJonesHat]

Probably pick-up lines that the generation of Mama Sweet used back in the day. As filtered through Sweet's unique worldview.

Speaking of dating, at least before Sweet figured out (or did he?) that Ashleigh was a troll, I think he honestly believed that the progressives (the university) paired people up -- that is, it's they who have the girl ring up the guy. Sweet certainly has a unique way of interpreting situations.

Sweet has made statements repeatedly that indicate he thinks that one of the official functions of a college is to provide women for the male students. That's one of the reasons he wants to go back to ASU so badly, he thinks a college-issue girlfriend is part of the deal. He ignores all evidence to the contrary. This delusion that college administrations have a role in pairing off their students is further evidence that Sweet has a badly flawed theory of mind and consistently misinterprets social situations.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Sweet has made statements repeatedly that indicate he thinks that one of the official functions of a college is to provide women for the male students. That's one of the reasons he wants to go back to ASU so badly, he thinks a college-issue girlfriend is part of the deal. He ignores all evidence to the contrary. This delusion that college administrations have a role in pairing off their students is further evidence that Sweet has a badly flawed theory of mind and consistently misinterprets social situations.

And he believes all of this because of a prank call he got twenty years ago? I didn't think it was even possible to be this retarded....

 

[DrChristianTroy]

And there was that storyline where his alternate universe self builds a time machine and Jonichu gives some college administrators a lecture about how mean they were to AU Jon and it was their fault he wound up a stunted, homicidal manchild.

Wait, seriously? Like he has this power fantasy that he maintains, no real troll interference, and that's all he does? These are what he considers the main villains of his life and all he does is give them a stern talking to? Even in his power fantasy he's a pussy.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Sanae Kochiya said: ↑
I forget. Has he ever fought a troll analogue in his comics? It seems to be a stable among lolcows who produce a type of escapism to portray their critics as strawmen and then beat them up with some laughable diatribe about how they were right all along.

I mean, it would be a nice change from bitching about ASU all the time.

He's got that Leo Greer character who's supposed to be a stand-in for the college psychiatrist who supposedly conspired with the ASU higher-ups to have him banished, but I don't know if Jonichu has ever fought him. And there was that storyline where his alternate universe self builds a time machine and Jonichu gives some college administrators a lecture about how mean they were to AU Jon and it was their fault he wound up a stunted, homicidal manchild.

I guess I should force myself to read some more of Jon's shitty comic just so I have a better idea of what there is to mock, but life is so short and I dislike pain.

Aside from the others mentioned since these posts, let's not forget that the "thirteen-year-old mulatter boy" from the small-engine repair shop is murdered in cold blood by Sweet's self-insert in one of his sub-literate pieces of revenge fantasy fiction.

And, just to keep the facts in order, Leo Greer is Sweet's representation of the dean of judicial affairs, not one of the psychiatrists, as Sweet explains here, in another display of his absolute ignorance of libel law..

 

[Adamska]

I like that he wants to murder a black child simply because he was inconvenienced by the police since the kid sold his parents' lawnmower and they came in to ask questions about it. The beau was the one that had to deal with the fallout; Jonny Useless just got autistically mad for no reason whatsoever.

 

[DrJonesHat]

The good @Dr. Merkwurdichliebe has done an excellent job of unearthing tales of Sweet's antics at ASU. @AJMLurker and @Treenbeen likewise have offered insight into Sweet's behavior among those he considers friends or at least fellow travelers. I'm trying to dig up information about those outstanding warrants, but so far, no dice. The offenses must be relatively minor if they haven't extradited him, it's not like he's taken any steps to hide his location. The cops know where he is, they just don't seem to care much.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

to provide women for the male students.

Sweet's apparent sexism shows there. Women are "provided" by "The System." What if the woman didn't want to call up a particular assigned guy for sex on the old chinaphone?

 

[DrJonesHat]

Things Sweet believes:

• College administrations provide girlfriends for the male students
• Progressives are blocking all but two channels to his house
• Black people are ninjas
• A progressive conspiracy against conservative journalists in general and him in particular got him expelled and banned from ever returning to ASU.
• NBC colluded with ASU to produce a fake SNL sketch to provide cover for ASU's firing of the "bad boy of college journalism"
• Kiwi Farms uncovered the conspiracy to keep Jon from returning to ASU, and with this proof, Jon will return to ASU in all his glory with a free ride.
• Sweet was kicked out of ASU not for threatening behavior (which he continues to this day) but for being a conservative in a progressive school.
• We're all progressives
• It's our fault AJM Studios shut down
• It's normal to hold onto grudges for almost 20 years and to harass and threaten people with death. The occasional legal trouble this causes is simply part of the elaborate conspiracy against Jon.
• 15 year olds are barely legal, so you can have sex with them without reprecussions
• A press badge lets you break laws
• Phone sex is how college kids meet, random girls call the dorms and talk about sex with men who are complete strangers.
• 15 year old computers are superior to modern machines.
• He has a future that consists of anything other than sitting in his decaying hovel and fuming impotently at people on the internet.

Help me out if I missed anything.

EDIT: Added more stuff

 

[AJMLurker]

I think you got it all covered @DrJonesHat.

Unfortunately I don't have much to add at the moment since I'm currently in recovery mode. Sorry to powerlevel, but I have some news that will brighten our Sweetian Hero's day. Since he regards the Farms as nothing more but a breeding ground for expendable mindless progressive drones to conspire against him, he will be greatly happy to hear that I had a grand mal seizure shortly after my last post in this thread. Sorry Sweet Bro, people were around when I went down so I didn't end up choking to death on my tongue like you would of hoped.

Keep up the good work comrades.

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Feel better soon, Lurker.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Help me out if I missed anything.

"Stewing in old grudges for 20 years and threatening to brutally murder or maim people with an 8 inch bone knife or get them fired -- just for making fun of you on the internet -- is perfectly reasonable behavior for a conservative Christian."

 

[DrJonesHat]

"Stewing in old grudges for 20 years and threatening to brutally murder or maim people with an 8 inch bone knife or get them fired -- just for making fun of you on the internet -- is perfectly reasonable behavior for a conservative Christian."

Noted and added.

EDIT: @AJMLurker hope you're ok.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Noted and added.

Might also want to add stuff about college perks, and how chinaphone dating is totes legit college dating. Comprehensive list so far.

Also, get well soon, @AJMLurker.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

@DrJonesHat, I'd like to propose that the following be included in your list of things Sweet believes:

A "press badge" is a legally recognized license for trespassing, burglary and harassment.

And this:

Girls of 15 are "barely legal."

Supporting evidence:

The Very Bad Boy of College Journalism wrote:

I'm a former newspaperman; I know. If you have a press badge it's like a liscense [sic] to kill. You can harass private citizens, camp out on someone's lawn, even break into their house and search their belongings, whatever it takes to get a story. That's what they did to that plumber who criticized Obama, remember?

In one of Sweet's stories, an adult male character with the Internet handle Iconoclast runs off -- across state lines, no less, which is a federal crime -- with a "barely legal" 15-year-old.

I Am Not a Pedophile wrote:

Cyrus [who was 15 when Sweet wrote this] would do well to keep that in mind and not try to do too much at once. Already she's slated for voice appearances in several Disney DTV projects, and the barely-legal chanteuse's popular sitcom has been greenlit for a season 3.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

And he was still buying her Disney movies/shows as recently last week.
I do not know if that means Jon Sweet is a pedophile or not, but it is concerning for a 40-year-old to be that obsessed with a teenager.

I imagine the police don't see the need to arrest him. The mold kingdom is already worse than prison and look at how obsessed with ASU he is. Think of what will happen when he finds out that in prison you get three free meals a day, an actual toilet right by your bed, and all the anal rape you could want!

 

[DrJonesHat]

Miley Cyrus is 23 now, which is probably far too old for Sweet if our suspicions are true. Of course, we could be wrong, and Sweet is attracted to adult women, but he absolutely sucks at painting himself in a flattering light, so really, can you blame us for reaching the conclusion he's a pedo based on his own statements?