🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Adamska]

I thought he said it was the old house that didn't have a garage, though? I'm not the best at Sweetglish.

Eh, he'll specify it when he tries to dig himself out of the abyss he dug since he's a sperg that thinks random details can negate a true story, don't worry.

EDIT: Speaking of details, let's reread this section of Sweet's pretend HS sweetheart story, since I literally just caught something amusing while doing that:

Jon's first kiss was with Joey, which they had in a broom closet after they snuck out during a church service ("Sound Judgement").

Jon's first kiss was with Joey, which they had in a broom closet after they snuck out during a church service ("Sound Judgement").

Jon's first kiss was with Joey

Jonny boy being a depraved bisexual confirmed. He wanted to fuck Joey.

 

[Le Bateleur]

As we move toward 2016, it's time once again to reflect on how bad Sweet Bro is at deadlines. Despite not having had a job, Jonathan M. Sweet is astonishingly poor at meeting self-imposed goals.

There are forty-two days of 2015 remaining. In that time, Sweet is going to have to do one of the following:

1. Release his book, The Face of Burgess Goldstein
2. Make yet another edit to his TVTropes user page to push back the book's release date.

This book has already had its release date pushed back five times, and it's looking likely to be delayed a sixth time. The original release date was 2011. This is reaching Chinese Democracy / Duke Nukem 3D levels of tardiness.

Maybe it'd help if he'd post his work-in-progress on dA for critique? It can't be as bad as Maradonia or the early drafts of Redesigning Eva. Yeah that won't happen.

I'm actually interested to see the book. From what Sweet has said about it, Burgess Goldstein is an original character inspired by a bald-faced ripoff of Chris-Chan. Given that in 2011, Sweet was trying to be a CWC troll, at least some of the book might be the classic Chris sagas, filtered through another layer of authorial autism.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I thought he said it was the old house[...]

The one he drew a comic of and the one he uploaded a photo of are the same place. According to the Doctor back on page 278, they've been living in Blytheville since around 1993. I don't know when the mugging happened though, so my guess that the yellow house is in Blytheville may be wrong.

 

[Shadow Fox]

The one he drew a comic of and the one he uploaded a photo of are the same place. According to the Doctor back on page 278, they've been living in Blytheville since around 1993. I don't know when the mugging happened though, so my guess that the yellow house is in Blytheville may be wrong.

Sweetmeats said that it happened when he was 16, just prior to his senior year in highschool, so the assault would have happened in 1991. I wonder if this incident was what prompted the Sweet family to move away from that residence.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Given that in 2011, Sweet was trying to be a CWC troll

So Sweet was a literal A-log? That doesn't surprise me. Just like the apparent fact that Sweet wore a fedora at one point (high school?), IIRC. I guess the reason he never got trolled at the level A-log did was because he doesn't really upload videos, at least not with him talking.

Come to think of it, I've never heard Sweet talk. All I know is that his voice is in a Southern accent (because Arkansas) and quiet and scratchy (according to Sweet).

just prior to his senior year in highschool

I guess I was wrong about the yellow house being the Blytheville one then. I'm also guessing that his high school years weren't ideal to him, as he doesn't cling to them like he does to his college years.

At least Sweet isn't trying to be let back into the high school he used to go to.

 

[Le Bateleur]

So Sweet was a literal A-log? That doesn't surprise me. Just like the apparent fact that Sweet wore a fedora at one point (high school?), IIRC. I guess the reason he never got trolled at the level A-log did was because he doesn't really upload videos, at least not with him talking.

Come to think of it, I've never heard Sweet talk. All I know is that his voice is in a Southern accent (because Arkansas) and quiet and scratchy (according to Sweet).

Yeah, Sweet was kind of like a proto-A-Log. His CWCki talk page makes interesting reading.

Also, through digging into Sweet Bro's CWCki history, I think I've uncovered the origin of one of the main Sweetisms - "The System".

ASU actually has a network of campuses which are referred to as "the ASU System".

If there was a single doubt in my mind that Johnathan M. Sweet is autistic, it is now gone.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

I don't think Sweets has the technical prowess or devices to upload videos.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I think I've uncovered the origin of one of the main Sweetisms - "The System".

So that's why he keeps insisting there is a "system" keeping him down. It's not a nationwide conspiracy we're thinking of that somehow has it in for Sweet personally, it's a "progressive" system of colleges in Arkansas that kicked him out for acting like a jerk being too real? Reminds me of the alleged Greene County conspiracy. Sweet has vast differences from CWC.

I don't think Sweets has the technical prowess[...]

And thus ironically saving him from being a much more widely known (and trolled) lolcow. Had Sweet uploaded videos regularly to YT where he trollshielded against CWC, or made the usual rants about ASU, Obamacable, and TV ratings, it's possible we'd be talking about Sweet in a Sweet subforum instead of just a Sweet thread. Especially if he also made video responses.

It's possible that Sweet thinks that video rants are a good idea to initiate "retrogress" back to half-past 1997, and the only thing that's stopping him from doing such is that no one told him how to make video rants he doesn't give a shit.

 

[Mahimahi]

His CWCki talk page makes interesting reading.

It certainly does. Sweets has been raging against ObamaCable since half-past January 2011? Wow

 

[ToroidalBoat]

It certainly does.

Sweet claims on his user page that any "similarities between [him] and Chris-Chan is conjecture bordering on patent fartknockery."

since half-past January 2011

The DTV transition happened in 2009. Sweet was probably raging against it since then. That fateful day when analog transmissions shut down the liberals took the cartoons off the air must've been a very traumatic day to Sweet.

 

[Mahimahi]

But the fact that he can still get two channels suggests that he has a digital TV or a set-top box converter, right?

How can he only have two channels? Surely his location isn't so remote that the other channels can't reach it...

 

[ToroidalBoat]

a set-top box converter

If you read the early pages of this thread, you'll learn that instead of getting a new TV, the Sweet household got a converter box for the old Sweet TV instead (probably an old tube set from half-past 1997).

The remote for the converter box at the Sweet house guzzles batteries for some reason, thus requiring frequent trips to the newsstand at 4am to keep the remote working. The reception where Sweet lives in Blytheville also isn't all that great, and with reception of a digital TV signal, it's virtually an "all or nothing" type thing.

Sweet, ever the scientist, apparently thought that the channels being dropped are progressives blocking them.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

I don't think Sweets has the technical prowess or devices to upload videos.

He barely has the technological capability to upload still photos.

Sweet is like the North Korea of lolcows.

 

[Mahimahi]

The reception where Sweet lives in Blytheville also isn't all that great

Is that what it boils down to? I thought he lived on the endless flatlands, where you could prop a TV transmitter on a jam tin and everyone would still get the signal. Or is digital different?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Is that what it boils down to?

I'm guessing so, as Sweet says he can only get a fraction of the channels he could before the transition.

That or the liberals in a secret League Of Villainy at ASU really are blocking certain channels...

 

[Mahimahi]

That or the liberals at ASU really are blocking certain channels.

Maybe, but if Sweets was really such a great threat to the great liberal conspiracy he would probably have spent the past decade in Guantanamo Bay being waterboarded and force-fed via that "rosy-red rectum" he's always talking about.

No A-Log.

 

[Le Bateleur]

Sweet's TV is hilariously old. 1995 or something. They also probably bought the cheapest digital converter they could find. In 2009, it could have been either Mama Sweet, Weed Bro or Jon himself fitting the box. Jon is ludicrously incompetent, Weed Bro would have been , and Mama Sweet seems to uphold the timeless redneck tradition of "creative" DIY repairs.

There's a great post of Sweet's from AJM about how he and Mama Sweet were going to church one rainy morning, only to find that the car's windscreen wipers weren't working. Mama Sweet managed to "fix" the wipers using an elastic band. The way Sweet told the story, he was the real hero though, because it was his elastic band which he'd been using as some sort of beard-scrunchie.

So the Mold Kingdom's TV setup is a combination of old, cheap and stupid that could rival Barb Chandler. There's also the previously-mentioned problem of the Battery Eating Remote, which goes missing for weeks at a time because the Mold Kingdom is a shambolic tarpaper garbage pile.

In the face of all this evidence that it's something to do with the TV setup, the Bad Boy of College Journalism leaps to the insane conclusion that the Obama Administration have taken a personal interest in screwing with him by switching his precious TV channels on and off.

 

[WWWWolf]

Is that what it boils down to? I thought he lived on the endless flatlands, where you could prop a TV transmitter on a jam tin and everyone would still get the signal. Or is digital different?

Digital TV allows the broadcasters to pack more channels in the same amount of bandwidth as before. So if he barely got two channels before, he'd now get a dozen of them. Don't know the specifics of his region, of course.

 

[AnOminous]

Sweet's TV is hilariously old. 1995 or something. They also probably bought the cheapest digital converter they could find. In 2009, it could have been either Mama Sweet, Weed Bro or Jon himself fitting the box. Jon is ludicrously incompetent, Weed Bro would have been , and Mama Sweet seems to uphold the timeless redneck tradition of "creative" DIY repairs.

They might have qualified for one of the free digital converter boxes. Before the transition to digital, Congress realized this was going to render a lot of TVs owned by their redneck constituents useless and set up a program to provide free ones. I don't know the specs of them but how often is technology provided by the government top notch?

 

[sparklemilhouse]

They might have qualified for one of the free digital converter boxes. Before the transition to digital, Congress realized this was going to render a lot of TVs owned by their redneck constituents useless and set up a program to provide free ones. I don't know the specs of them but how often is technology provided by the government top notch?

Yeah the cards were only good for a set box that was $20.

How did Sweet even get into asu? Disability scholarship?