How do you want your corpse prepared for your funeral?

Witlich dijo:
:powerlevel: Oh, just a regular ol' funeral service for me. Keep me in a coffin and play my favourite songs during my wake, so that I may feed the creepy crawlies in the ground as my final job.

Only one caveat -- the service must be properly theist Satanic to match my beliefs, else I'll stick around peeved that people wrongly assumed I'd be ok with a Christian or Catholic burial.
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... I would like to offer you my services as a funeral director, good Witch and/or Lich (sorry to assume your gender, I'm a shitlord)

Honestly though, I'm so curious to know what a proper Satanic service (theist, of course) would entail of... would you expand and share your thoughts here, or privately if you'd prefer? And your thoughts on disposition? Since I'm guessing a churchyard isn't your style... I'm dying to know, ha ha... haaaaa.

The rest of ye filthy buggers, godspeed. Dream big.


As for myself, I'm donating my body to science. Sexy sexy science.
 
Cremated, put in a hole, and then a nice new tree planted over the ashes and bone chunks. Y'know, something simple and peaceful after having my useful organs cut out...but not before a big fucking day-long 80's block on the local radio station to annoy those that survive me.
 

Louis, Gucci, jewelry, or the Booty club. Doesn't matter. Make sure I got some arm candy as well. /sneed
 
I want my corpse prepared as a confit. That is, any fat I have should be rendered and the more delectable portions should be poached in that fat, like confit de canard. Then the whole mass should be prepared and served as a cassoulet de nominous.
 
Me and my sister have always said whoever dies first - the funeral will be an open casket funeral. Anyway, as everyone's mourning and shit; whichever sister is still alive will run up to the corpse shout 'THIS MAN'S NOT DEAD', throw the corpse over their shoulder and run out of the church.
If I die first and she pussies out I'm gonna haunt her to shit.
 
I don't want to be cremated, just burned. Then I want an open casket with my charred corpse. Anyone who has kids MUST bring them so they can be taught the harsh realities of life early. And also lie about how I died to teach them fire safety. Unless I was ACTUALLY burned to death, then they should lie and say that this is what happens to people who smoke and do meth.
 
Would like to be cremated, probably.
I'd like part of my ashes to be kept by loved ones (assuming I have any) and half scattered in the Norwegian arctic.
 
Preferably, I want all of the guests herded into a pitch-black room, and the doors shut behind them blocking all light. Then the opening of 'Let's get ready to rumble' will play, and the lights turn on to give the guests the view of my dead body (dressed eloquently as the Artful Dodger), hanging from a moving ceiling fan as the Space Jam theme plays in the background.

But failing that, a simple cremation will suffice.
 
I want them to prop my corpse up in the casket smoking a joint and holding a beer bottle and steering wheel, so it looks like I'm driving the casket. Also, the corpse will be wearing a propeller beaning and garish floral t-shirt.
And inside is a small computer programmed to spit out pre-recorded things like "I'M NOT DEAD YET YOU ASSHOLES, DON'T BURY ME!" at random times.
I just want to leave my descents the memory of attempting to conduct a serious funeral with all this stupid shit going on, and trying so fucking hard to suppress a laugh.
 
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