How do I enjoy prison?

[YellowIsACoolColor]

I'm soon to be sent to prison for felony harassment and was told to enjoy prison. However I heard that prison is an awful place with poor living conditions and violent people. How can I enjoy it?

 

[Pedophobe]

I've heard good things about becoming a punk-ass bitch.

RtML:1

 

[eDove]

You know how.

 

[Crocodylus Acutus]

Just wait for the knock, stalker child.

 

[Not Really Here]

You will never have to guess what you did wrong, or why someone is angry at you when they don't even know why.

 

[ƵIGGER]

Savor all your free time now that you're not wagecucking and use it to get in the best shape of your life, make some good friends to hang out with so the niggas don't try to steal your cornbread at lunch, kick back and laugh in the government's face that you've beat the system and don't pay taxes anymore and now they have to take care of you!

 

[Turkroach Couple]

These are just your delusions, stalker. YOU are the one in prison

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Just wait for the knock, stalker child.

This.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

You enjoy prison the same way you enjoy a used wooden dildo. Very, very carefully.

 

[Gangstalker #32194]

Maybe try getting into a good book

 

[MDWU]

It's all about learning how to let the days slip away. You post here, so you should already have a good idea of how to waste time.
Just get yourself a routine. Fill it with enough scheduled activities and the time passes pretty easily. Also, "stay out the world". Don't be running to the phones and calling up people to hear bad news you can't do shit about.
Enjoy prison.

 

[Uncle Phil]

Serious answer, the mutual protection alliances you cultivate are more important than being fit, strong or knowing how to fight. None of that shit matters when you get bashed over the head from behind because you weren't chatting with someone and looking over each other's shoulder.

Edit: rid yourself of irritating habits like indulging the sniffles, biting your nails, smacking your lips or idle fiddling. Eat quietly but quickly. Assume someone will wig out on you for a minor annoyance and that people will always want to steal your food. The safest way to keep your food and avoid having to stand up for yourself violently is to finish first.

 

[Jeff_the_Thriller]

First off you should have know that calling someone fat on the internet is a federal crime. There's plenty of fun stuff to do in prison. You have time to work on that beach bod when you get out in 10 years for being a cyberbully. You can catch up on reading. Find Jesus. He's at the next table over in the chow hall but watch out. He's in tight with MS13. Catch up on reading. Earn a barber certificate. Harass the new fish once you have some time under your belt. There is plenty of fun to be had in prison, stalker child. Enjoy it.

 

[Anti Snigger]

Wear your shoes in the day room

 

[Chainsaw Man]

When it goes in don't clinch or squeeze, just relax your sphincter muscles... it won't hurt as badly.