How can I be British?

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Lose a bunch of fights with 3rd world farmers and then get carried to back to back World War victories
 
Well if we're talking about England specifically; get a liking for tea, pronounce your vowels with more curvatures, hate scots, get a taste for blood puddin', talk shit about yanks and slavic freaks, say nice things about the queen around others but then give the old tart the middle finger when no one's looking, then breath in a lot of smoke. And Bob's Your Uncle you're a proper lad of jolly old England. If you're going to London specifically, convert to Islam and gay pooftery and make sure to chop off the little man (ps don't go to London).

If we're talking about Wales, do the above but learn to shag some sheep.

If you're going to Ireland just put on some green and drink a lot, and remember to pronounce yer words all funny like but only after ye drink a lot. If you're going to Dublin or Cork prepare to have a lot of black cock and atheist poofter cock in yer face.

If you're going to Scotland, just talk about how you hate everyone, pronounce your words even more funny like, get a liking for golf, haggis and gay cock, and if you're going to the cities, talk about how much you wish you were Belgian. Also be ready to do a lot of manual labour.
 
The Gangster Computer dijo:
If we're talking about Wales, do the above but learn to shag some sheep.
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My best friend is from wales so I shall impart upon you fellow kiwis as to where that rumor allegedly originated from, back in the day sheep russelling could land you at the gallows because the problem was so prevalent. Being welsh and naturally crafty they figued out that beastiality only carried a sentance of 12 months, so what sheep thieves would do is immediately drop thier breeches once caught to avoid the hangman. Personally I think its a massive cope but I could honestly belive it.
 
Grow a beard, incorporate "toxic" and "problematic" into your speech frequently, refer to everyone as a "person" and keep that asshole wide open.
 
Whenever a decision is presented to you, make the worst possible choice possible. What should you season dinner with, nothing. Should you go to the dentist, no. Should you be concerned about roving muslim rape gangs, no. Just do this forever and you'll be British in spirit.
 
Be a fucking miserable cunt first and foremost, then develop a drinking problem.

To really level up, cultivate a taste for package holidays to shitty Spanish resorts and Wetherspoons 'pub grub.'
 
Ignore your oral hygiene until your teeth are Nick Bate horrific.

Spend all your time talking like Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins

Learn all your British slang/terms. Fag = cigarette, torch = flashlight, manky = stinky ect

Find a man in drag the ABSOLUTE PINNACLE OF COMEDY!

You are now British
 
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