How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I feel like a massive retard cuz I can't get myself to sit down and do schoolwork (it's literally so easy wtf is wrong with me) and now I'm facing being dropped from the program if I can't get the course finished this time.
Fuck, I'm so frustrated with myself. I've always been this way towards school of any kind, I don't understand why I can't just suck it up and do the shit.
This was my biggest issue in college. I took an online class once and never again because I was the classmate everyone hates. I did literally nothing because all assignments were group assignments and no one ever reached out to me about them. I realized that the only possible way I could ever get work done was that day in the computer labs. I went right from class to a quiet room and I didn't leave until it was done.

To me it's sort of the same principle as working out. If you let your body rest for a moment your brain switches all your gears to "ok work's done lets shut everything down." So I didn't give myself that luxury because I knew it would hurt me. I don't know if you have a similar situation but that's my recommendation.
 
Nigger, I literally DO live in the Midwest. How could you get this this wrong?
Because I've never been to a point in the Midwest where construction season isn't a fucking nightmare.

Didn't a bunch of you guys switch to concrete roads? Terrible.
Old concrete roads were fine, it's the new ones with almost no rebar that end up rough and wavy. The town I'm in alternates between asphalt and concrete depending on the road, but the asphalt gets chewed up by the snowplows every year and ends up needing to be dug out of a bunch of the culverts. It really is the contractors they use and the lack of quality assurance because it's government work.
 
To me it's sort of the same principle as working out. If you let your body rest for a moment your brain switches all your gears to "ok work's done lets shut everything down." So I didn't give myself that luxury because I knew it would hurt me. I don't know if you have a similar situation but that's my recommendation.
I definitely do have that issue but it extends to my brain shutting down in the middle of me doing the work itself as well and I have yet to figure out a way to snap out of that state.
 
Seasonal summer depression vs. getting a haircut. It's unreal. I wonder how women with long hair go about it. I feel so fucking free just chopping that shit off. Then again, men love tomboys. Maybe short hair is the secret to life and that's why women get pixie cuts at their worst.

Speaking of mental wellness: Picking up extra shifts cause literally nobody gives a shit whether I'm available, let alone in my own timezone when all my 'friends' are sleeping, so who cares honestly. Instead of cutting up my arms I'm working more than healthy. :)
This was my biggest issue in college. I took an online class once and never again because I was the classmate everyone hates. I did literally nothing because all assignments were group assignments and no one ever reached out to me about them. I realized that the only possible way I could ever get work done was that day in the computer labs. I went right from class to a quiet room and I didn't leave until it was done.
I just read Stoner; a book about a farmer throw into academia and he doesn't exactly excel at it, but the fact he had no distractions or other passions made him good at it. Imagine then coming home and having an archaic way of studying compete with a billion-dollar doomscrolling industry. I tell myself now "I'd totally study and do well if I went back to school", but I doubt it at this point, no matter how burned out I am from gaming. That's why I hoped my uni experience would be the same as the campus life of the US. Live and breathe your education 24/7. Here, university is closer to public school than high school. Meet, be there, go home immediately. No hanging around, no clubs no nothing.
Thread tax: I really should stay away from the health & fitness side of the farms. It's embarrassing that I have to stay away from a side of a website, but I just gotta make peace with the fact that those are the cards I've been dealt in life.
I had this classmate who was behind and generally dumb but one weekend he just locked the fuck in. Showed up knowing how to tackle every problem and it got him great grades in the last semester. If you truly, truly, truly want something, you can change shit overnight. You can literally cure insomnia in ~10 days if you follow the general advice to a T. But we don't. We sneak in a lil cellphone and a lil doomer mentality as a treat. Pull the plug on your PC 2 hours before bed, don't drink after dinner, don't focus on things you can't change. Working out? 3-4x 2 hours after work, on the fucking dot. Go for a walk 30 mins before bed. Fast every other day if not daily. Lock the fuck in and you'd thank yourself for it- but instead we do a few good things and slack on others. I myself struggle because I like the challenge of changing my lifestyle but ask myself why? Who am I making my life longer for? Not a wife or kids, that's for sure.
I’d imagine you feel rather as if you went I to an industry hoping to use genetics to cure hideous genetic disorders that kill and cripple children and then saw the infrastructure used to push the Covid madness and troonism and general pharmaceutical Evil.
The cure for cancer is out there and it's not being choked to death by evil pharma, but rather the practices and fees to get anything through the system. I saw an interview with someone who helped develop the covid vaccine and they basically had a bunch of other 'first' cures but they straight up didn't have the funds. It's crazy, but on the other hand, a little bit of natural death is a good thing maybe. I work in the psych ward and half the beds are permanent residents who'd be better off with a bullet. All those people, just in this thread, saying they'd kill for a one-time visit to get a few pills and guidance. Nah, we need to keep "Frank" the homeless schizo alive.
 
That was a long ddos, and honestly? A well needed cleanse from the farms! :) I'm at least learning to self soothe in regards to race stuff, had a small panic today like "Am I a nigger for getting weaves?" and just told myself "Well, you get white hairstyles. And even then, you're not into weave culture. So I think it's fine, it's about how I act towards people, right?" and I managed to chill out for the rest of the day, usually I just spiral.

I also managed to self soothe on the meds thing, I just told myself "... Who cares? It helps. Why does it have to be deeper than that? Why am I trying to make myself some social statement on big pharma? Just be happy, you're not a martyr.".

Cows are really cool btw.
 
Cows are really cool btw.
524 - Nbcw5kX.jpg
Easily one of my favourite farm animals. Especially the scottish highland coo, they're incredibly docile and almost dog-like towards a caring farmer who has the time for each individual cow in his herd.

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Decent start to my day. Fed the dog and put on her harness, then we walked to the forest. She clearly indicated she didn't want to walk the longest route through the forest and it's getting warmer with fewer clouds in the sky, so I obliged her. We met a dog owner we're acquainted with and one of her dogs, a toy poodle, got to chase mine around in a fit of zoomies. She may be 10-11 years old but the old dog still got it.

I bought some groceries, majority healthy and sensible things and I plan on making salmon with a salad for dinner. Much better than what I've been eating lately, nothing sadder than a bowl of watery whole oat grains that have been over salted because it was the first time I tried making them in my instantpot.

Things are gonna be all right even if I don't always get my way. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
 
Had a law firm on retainer of 5,500$ and poof, the law firm filed for insolvency, which has been filed for a few weeks (they didn't disclose this) now fuck knows what to do, or if I get my money back. They sent an email 10 minutes before closing, just stating they're ceasing operation, and basically legal jargon of "go fuck yourself, look else where for legal representation" So yeah, "fun" day of not being able to contact them, they pulled their site and disconnected the phone number the moment the email hit everyone's inboxes.

Edit I got off lucky, some people were saying they had upwards to 12-20k on retainer.
 
I wonder how women with long hair go about it.
I clip mine up, it’s very hot left down. Or plait it.
they basically had a bunch of other 'first' cures but they straight up didn't have the funds.
If someone gave me the cost of half a dozen mid sized clinical trials for boring antidepressants, (about a billion dollars) and ten years, and let me pick my people, I could make you 2-3 platforms that could functionally cure the vast majority of rare genetic diseases. The stuff like five people in the country have. If you gave me double that and another lab I could maybe not ‘cure cancer’ (it’s many different diseases) but I could make a dent.
The lack of coordination, the ideology, the retarded way we fund things and MONEY is the issue. The future for cancer is combination therapy - nuke the fuck out of it in a very targeted way or two and mop up with your own immune system. There’s a guy working in Texas who does this. Had amazing rates of success. But the drugs and methods are from different companies and are tested individually. So the FDa approves the individual drugs but not the combination of them, yet it’s the combination that works. It’s fucking insanity.
a little bit of natural death is a good thing maybe.
It is until it’s your baby with a spinal muscular atrophy diagnosis . And then it isn’t. (And we can now functionally cure one type of that and babies who would have died horribly have normal lives.)
I had a busy day. I did a thing that I hope will lead to a problem being fixed.
 
524 - Nbcw5kX.jpg
Easily one of my favourite farm animals. Especially the scottish highland coo, they're incredibly docile and almost dog-like towards a caring farmer who has the time for each individual cow in his herd.
These are my favorites! They look like they have emo bangs, I've always wanted to hug one

Thread tax: Patting myself on the back for taking my meds today. Whenever I'm on my meds I always get these bursts of productivity, and today I wanna finally dust my room. But I always start sneezing and get an itchy throat whenever I dust, maybe I have an allergy? I also wanna cook something, but idk what. Maybe pasta? 🤷‍♀️
Much better than what I've been eating lately, nothing sadder than a bowl of watery whole oat grains that have been over salted because it was the first time I tried making them in my instantpot.
You've... You've been eating that for multiple days? You poor woman.
 
You've... You've been eating that for multiple days? You poor woman.
I've been eating it with cheese and various proteins but I have no real excuse, proper food just hasn't been enticing to me lately.
Solid meals are important no matter how you're feeling. That said, it is easier to talk the talk than walk the walk.
 
Why are you only eating oats?
because I only deserve brown slop.
No but for real, I promise I wasn't eating only oats. I had pork with it. And I've had this 1 kg bag of unrolled oats (you know, like wholegrain spelt or other grains) on my counter for a year, I wanted to try them. It's good, except I hadn't tried cooking it before and just like with rice that you cook with too much water it became kind of like congee. Extra thicc oatmeal.
 
I've been eating it with cheese and various proteins but I have no real excuse, proper food just hasn't been enticing to me lately.
I'm not judging you for the nutrients, I never do that to people. I've seen the dark side of that shit, dw. I'm not even judging you at all, I'm just worried cause that sounds like the most depressing meal to have daily. Ebenezer Scrooge type shit. Get yourself an ice cream or some smoked salmon. A kebab or two? Strawberry short cake. A STRAWBERRY? ANYTHING, WOMAN
 
I'm not judging you for the nutrients, I never do that to people. I've seen the dark side of that shit, dw. I'm not even judging you at all, I'm just worried cause that sounds like the most depressing meal to have daily. Ebenezer Scrooge type shit. Get yourself an ice cream or some smoked salmon. A kebab or two? Strawberry short cake. A STRAWBERRY? ANYTHING, WOMAN
Trust me, I'm eating so many strawberries because they're coming into season locally. Yummers.
 
Because I've never been to a point in the Midwest where construction season isn't a fucking nightmare.
Was there some point I said it isn't a nightmare? It's literally insane. Every single road is blocked with some shit. It's ridiculous.
Easily one of my favourite farm animals. Especially the scottish highland coo, they're incredibly docile and almost dog-like towards a caring farmer who has the time for each individual cow in his herd.
I like when goats just viciously attack you for no reason at all, just charge at you and head butt you. (But I didn't even DO anything to you!)
 
I betrayed her first I guess with my fuckups. And then she betrayed me worse, sicced her girl friends on me, couldn't even break up with me properly, and might have been cheating on me with them.

I felt bad until they tried to harass me. And now my love that I had for her faded completely, knowing she was in on it too.

Fellas never date a woman that says she's bisexual, or reads Yuri/Yaoi.

On a fucking Friday! I can't believe how horrible I felt earlier when she probably hasn't given a shit about me for weeks. It's absurd. We only survived a year and one month, and it was the closest I ever got to someone. I did fuck it all up, I did deserve to be left but some things go far into petty drama and trifles territory. Every ex girlfriend I've ever had got their shitty friends on me. Maybe it's a defensive thing, but I ain't said a word more. We had a goodbye-less breakup, exchanged belongings and everything, and I passed it to her friend and said it was nice to meet you, she did the fake smile and said it was nice to meet you too.
Texts me hours later with a bunch of niggerbabble, then calls me the two faced one to start with her spiel.

Water off my back. Good riddance. Always trust your gut on THOSE female friends who are against your best interests. They're a skeptic crowd. And just never date someone who lives even just hours away unless you can see them often. Ever. This sperging long distance texting bullshit don't work when you're someone else on the keyboard compared to your IRL self. Now I'm just mad at the time I've fucking wasted, she has a support group to fall back on and I have fuck-all aside from few. Just sharing. Don't repeat my mistakes. Young love makes a fool of us all. Don't date non religious or agnostic women or men if you're a believer. It's the worst mistake.

I guess lowering my standards ended up netting me with what I deserve. But her love made quite a damn fool of me and it's only me I'll really blame as the catalyst. It felt amazing. The sex was cool. I don't regret that. Though, deciding to have dyke sex with your friend the day you break up with your boyfriend of 1 year plus, lies or not it speaks volumes about your character and soul.
 
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