How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[souschef]

I'll be another year older in a couple days. I get conflicted each year when that day comes. I took the week off from work, but I would still need to either apply for jobs or do/go something/somewhere recreational to unwind.

Happy birthday in advance

 

[gobbles]

She feels almost unworthy of love and is maybe also a little autistic. I tried my best to make her feel better. She is genuinely a good person

People who trauma dump early in relationships are selfish and high-risk. I am deeply skeptical of anyone who shares many details about their fucked-up household dynamics early in a relationship: my experience is that competent people with traumatic upbringings keep said upbringings private and cursory. They want to be judged as individuals rather than victims. Instead, she put you into the position of taking care of her emotionally while you feel guilty for your unwillingness to take care of a stranger! If she were a good person, she wouldn't have made you her therapist on your second date. I think she's crazier than the schizo chick.

So I go to my parents house and around the table I see my mom, my dad, schizophrenic girl, her mom and her dad.

This is really, really funny, though. My understanding is that schizophrenics (along with bipolar folk) will go off of their meds, and that volatility can make everything much worse. Be cautious.
---
My life has been pretty lovely, lately. I accepted a relatively prestigious part-time thing that also pays well, and I continue to have more autonomy and leadership at my main job. I feel like there's a split happening between my personal and professional lives. Things are opening up professionally, but it comes at the cost of what I want for my personal life, but also my personal life hasn't been very fulfilling in recent years, so... I'm going to have some tough choices coming up.

 

[Motherf*cker]

It's hot and peak forest fire season. I need to jump into the lake for the third time today.

 

[Squanto Airi]

I'll be another year older in a couple days. I get conflicted each year when that day comes. I took the week off from work, but I would still need to either apply for jobs or do/go something/somewhere recreational to unwind.

Happy early birthday fellow July baby.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

This afternoon, after I had coffee and a breakfast sandwich, was filled with household chores. Laundry, bathroom cleanup, and sweeping. Lots of sweeping. I have to prepare dinner not too long after this, and do some more maintenance before bed.

Tmrw will be a dusting day. Baseboards need some attending to. I feel more meh than anything, but I’m glad to keep my hands busy.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Got two weeks off soon, really need to plan something to do. Afterwards I got my first motorbike class, hopefully it'll be a revelation. I loved the exploration part of riding a road bike, but relying on being well-fed and rested just wasn't sustainable. I've never operated anything hand-controlled so that'll be exciting to try. My biggest paranoia is getting to park the damn thing here. We got robust caged bike sheds and it'll fit there but there's designated MC parking and it's dogshit. Exposed and practically made for someone to nick it.

People who trauma dump early in relationships are selfish and high-risk.

At this point I don't think it's any deeper than the fact nobody has friends or real connections, so the second you flirt with someone and it seems to go well, all your other needs come rushing and you go "Oh thank god someone else sane, you won't believe the life I've had-".

I'll be another year older in a couple days. I get conflicted each year when that day comes. I took the week off from work, but I would still need to either apply for jobs or do/go something/somewhere recreational to unwind.

I work around people close to retirement so whenever we do the whole "we old" thing, it often turns towards the fact I'm almost more than halfway through life. On a good day I don't mind. Life has gotten too complex for people. We're meant to have a simple job, work locally and travel somewhere once a year with no grand plans to relocate or join a Buddhist cult. Die either at 41 or 76; it doesn't really matter if you spend your days meaningfully, which of course none of us do.

I have the odd urge to sign up for the gym and check out some clubs or gatherings, but I never do. I really need that real-life motivator of friends, a partner or what not. It feels cringe to engage in most things I do. Doomscrolling, playing games, writing forum posts. A partner isn't meant to solve everything but it'd certainly be a motivator to pivot away from being so reliant on my computer, not that I even feel I am. Just, okay with getting home 30 mins later because something interesting happened.

 

[Pattern Juggler]

Has been a mild winter so far here in the antipodes, but today is cold so am wrapped up snug in bed.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I'll be another year older in a couple days. I get conflicted each year when that day comes. I took the week off from work, but I would still need to either apply for jobs or do/go something/somewhere recreational to unwind.

Hey, at least you are still alive, so there is a chance to be satisfied with what you have. Being alive is bad only in really scary scenarios, see "Johnny got his gun".

 

[Nick Obre]

"For sale: baby shoes. Never used." Come up with anything sadder.

"Kiwifarms is down again"

Why did I have to go and say that? I jinxed it, it's my fault, I'm sorry

 

[nycifer]

Kinda up to my boiling point with fighting with shit lately. Fighting to get on KiwiFarms because of the DDoS faggotry. FB being as retarded as normal, had an annoying few second hiccup before I could correct a single fucking letter to something I was about to post. In my fucking car, everything is loading slowly, like I couldn't skip things on SiriusXM because it was all greyed out as I was driving, their app is shit.

It's one thing after another, fucking christ.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I know some of the people here think I'm stupid, or a loser for some of the decisions I've made and openly talked about here.
I didn't do things the most methodical way. The future is very much up in the air. Very frightening when I think about it too long. By most societal metrics I'm a joke.
But I'm happy. I don't regret my choices. Not once.
It's been a week. I have seen so many sights, done things I never thought I would, met incredible people. Seriously just some of the stuff that's happened in a short time I can't actually believe.
Started actually getting back into music and watching anime for the first time in a while. I'm just living in the moment for once. Don't have that "itch". The one where you're kind of okay but you would rather be doing something other than what you're doing.
Don't know what the future holds. But I feel like I'm actually recognizing pretty fast what it can.

I think about my old posts and cringe. I know my posts now are cringe too. But they're more cringe in a different way. I'm hopepilled to the point I seem like I'm coping, but I promise I'm not.
I can't believe I actually was seriously contemplating suicide not too long ago because some dude I considered my friend ended up being a goofy goober.
And it feels consistent too. I know I can seem bipolar, given how life circumstances tend to be very polarizing day to day. But for once, regardless of circumstances, I'm actually consistently okay. I think the difference between now and the other times I've had some euphoric happiness that resulted in me going back to "0h my gawd the world is doomed I want to die1!1" is I am not relying on my happiness to be fulfilled by other people. I have me.
I thought I'd be crumbling by now. But each thing that happens, I'm just accepting is something that's happening in the moment, and it will pass.
Saying that I made a mistake, not that I am a mistake.
That certain things in life are happening but not that that's what my entire life is and always will be.
Those are very freeing concepts.

I know it's the thing a lot of people have said for years.
"Be yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself."
It's not that that idea was wrong. It's just it sounds so simple and retarded that I thought it couldn't ever possibly be just... That. The problem is people make it sound so easy. It's not It's the most simple but hardest decision you ever do have to make.
But still, it is the decision you have to make.
Turns out it really was just that place...

That said I can't just be a drifting bum just going on random excursions. And I can't keep banging my head against the wall to fulfill myself through romantic, sexual or social connections. I need a thorough line. A consistent thing that makes me content with myself.
So I think I might pick up a notebook this week and start actually writing my story again.
It's cold outside. That is so nice to say.

 

[I Know 孤独のせい]

Doing no so great, but that's okay. Nobody is hiring me, so I am just siting around waiting for my unemployment benefits to finally clear. But since I have a lot of time on my hands I am trying to learn this whole YouTube thing, setting up OBS properly and recording videos etc. It's a slow process but fun to try something new.

 

[The Last Stand]

Happy birthday to me. Had some pancakes for brunch and awaiting another interview tomorrow.

 

[ilovecornsyrup]

I talked to my mom for the first time in ages. She has finally decided to divorce her husband who has been keeping her 100% financially dependent on him, and semi-abusing her for over a decade. I'm really happy for her actually.

 

[obsdj]

I bent over slightly while I was in my kitchen earlier and apparently I did it wrong because OW FUCK OW FUCK KILL MEEEEEEEEEE

In conclusion, don't get old, kids.

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

i am trying to have a relaxing summer break but i need to make a kind of big decision that will potentially impact my future and i don't know what to do. i have a therapy appointment in a few weeks but i already know she's gonna give me the old 'just do what feels right' spiel which is frankly useless since, every single time i took her advice, i ended up making the wrong decision.

i should just ask a magic 8-ball

 

[The Crescent King]

Have had a couple of good days at work recently despite my previous whining, but had a really shit one day. The common denominator in both shit days I've had is a Ukranian training supervisor. I'm so sick to death of foreigners. It doesn't help that my job is massively understaffed (and continue to bleed the few Irish staff we have), is very badly organised and is essentially an Ukranian ethnic cartel. This is twice in the past calender year when I've been a minority in my own country in a social setting. The Great Replacement is real unfortunately. Thankfully I have two days off coming the day after tomorrow. I'm continuing to look for other jobs but have to keep this one for the forseeable. Damn it all.

 

[DavidS877]

i should just ask a magic 8-ball

There is a reason I have both a Magic 8-Ball and a box of Crayons on my desk.

Today's fun is prepping for a work trip to spend one whole day on-site. 3 days wasted for under 8 hours of actual work. I really like having all my tools and gadgets with me, but for this trip I'm trying to remind myself that I don't need the tiny PC I use to watch TV, or my soldering iron, or any of the other stuff I've needed in the past. Also making sure I took all the firearms, explosives and knives out of my luggage. Still have to carry both my work laptop and my customer issued laptop which means a bunch of copying files so I have what I need in case I have to do any actual work during the trip.

Anyway, here's a couple rose photos.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Made the mistake of looking through old school groups on Facebook. I genuinely don't mind them making thrice the money and living in the capital and all that, but the simple fact they chose an education and found employment within it bugs me. I'm so used to rejection that the sheer notion of "I am carpenter-san, can I have carpenter job?" is surreal to me.

I tell myself I'm fine not making bank because I've no desire to, but the indecisions of my career is tough to ignore. I have coworkers 6-7 years younger than me with no education beyond high school, looking at houses and going on holidays. I genuinely do not think they'll randomly quit and go "Oh yeah I'm doing a 3 year ambulance driver course" or whatever. They're too set into their lives, either mentally or having gotten married and unable to suffer the financial hardship - yet their lives feel completely fine to me.

I got a mail from a coworker from my old job who was a temp. "Oh, after 7 applications and 5 interviews I finally-" nigga? I sent 80 applications and got 3 interviews. I loathe these old schoolers who got a foot in before the requirements started to rise. A neighbor got her first office job at 16 and retired at 70. She entered with no education and left when it required a PhD in finance to do customer support.

Found a thread of people who actually did the whole "join a club and socialize" and every single one, male and female, said their interests led them to groups of 90% their own gender and 10% being the opposite, married or homosexual. "Join a club for the passion and the friends and flirts will naturally come" brother no? Adjacent to this I saw a quote from Haaland saying "If you want a gf just go outside and meet people". His own copy-paste italian broad knew him from childhood and did all the pursuing once he got rich. What a romantic.

I couldn't even do therapy because I'd spend the whole time staring at this 27 year old thinking "look who pursued a goal and succeeded". That's the worst part: I've no goals. Whenever I think of a blue collar job I realize how much it'd suck, especially starting at 30 instead of 18. The only career changes I'm not too late for are soft-value office shit and it sucks.

 

[gobbles]

i need to make a kind of big decision that will potentially impact my future and i don't know what to do. i have a therapy appointment in a few weeks but i already know she's gonna give me the old 'just do what feels right' spiel which is frankly useless

This is retarded advice, and I hope you’re wrong, but I suspect you’ll be right. People don’t know how to make decisions.

Spoiler: i am not actually autistic

Let’s say you’re thinking of moving cities.

I like spreadsheets and lists. Pros, cons, constraints (what does the choice foreclose in the future?), and expenses of all alternatives. Don’t limit yourself to two; I find five a good baseline, but eight is more comprehensive. Near alternatives to your top choice are more meaningful, but it’s also good to throw 1-2 curveballs in (teach English in Korea, build schools in Ghana, whatever you hanker for that’s out there and feasible). Cognitive framing influences how we make choices. If we frame too narrowly, we miss out on better alternatives and systems.

Any given plan needs an exit strategy with potential employment (I like to plan for two possible back-up jobs just in case) and ideally a guarantee that you’ll benefit from the plan. This could be anything from “certification in X” to “learned I don’t like deserts and snakes,” even if the experience is otherwise fucking awful. It’s hard to regret a choice that makes you a more developed person.

Weigh the relative benefits and costs (implicit and explicit, real and potential, financial and relational) against what you’re feeling.

Spreadsheets and composition notebooks work well for me, but maybe you like bubble outlines or post-it maps. It doesn’t matter how you do it—if you research, write about, and analyze your choice for 10-100 hours, you’ll come out with a clear “this is what I want and why,” and you’ll be able to tolerate the cost of it if it doesn’t work out. Furthermore, you’ll have alternatives lined up.

I also find therapy works best with direct goals and homework. If you arrive at the appointment having done significant research and you lead with, “I’m planning X. I need help assessing if this is the right choice. Let me tell you my thoughts; I need you to push on weak or undeveloped spots,” you might get different results. Be humble and take notes—if you hadn’t considered something, that’s new homework.

Obviously, maybe you’ve already done all of this.

If you’re struggling with how to start the research comparison, I suggest going old school: the 5Ws & H. It’s familiar, they’re easy questions to answer, and it’ll get you started into a formal comparison.