How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[The Last Stand]

I stopped admitting I was black cause that made them turn me down fast, then I stopped admitting I had a disability,

I get asked that for interviews. I say I decline to answer. Maybe that is what is hurting my chances. Hard to say. I'm going to try not to stress or worry too much for the time being. I barely have enough energy as is.

 

[Getmeout]

It's hard. What kind of job are you looking for?

ATP? Literally anything, I don’t care if I have to get on my knees an clean toilets with a toothbrush, anything that won’t make me look like a 20 yr old womanchild failure.

And you're right to pull back on disclosure of personal qualities or characteristics. Companies don't care about your situation or your special qualities. They want a worker who shows up, does a good job, and won't be a hassle. Unless you're applying through a special diversity or neuro-divergent or disability program, that's not stuff to lead with.

I just always feel like I’m being shady if I don’t disclose it, idk. I guess I just feel like the employer will feel a certain way about me saying “I prefer not to disclose my race” and then some black girl walks in. Maybe I’m being paranoid.

 

[N Space]

What am I supposed to DO to get out of this? It’s been years, what am I doing wrong ?

Is there any chance you could switch your job to one that doesn't pay as much but is at least less stressful?

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

ATP? Literally anything, I don’t care if I have to get on my knees an clean toilets with a toothbrush, anything that won’t make me look like a 20 yr old womanchild failure.

Oh, girlie, 20? Don't ever feel like a failure. It may be hard, but your future is not at all set.

I'd recommend tailoring your applications to the jobs. And think outside the box. Definitely apply to things you like and also things you think are terrible but will do, but also looking at different kinds of things. Look at opportunities (maybe; you be the judge) that are outdoor (companies, government/ outdoor things like state or local parks), or workkng with kids (school programs, the Y, summer camps), or old people, or...I don't know, depends on your area. And tbh a lot of those are seasonal and have been filled for this summer, but you never know. And once you get a job (you will!), do it to you utmost ability, because that's how you start getting more opportunities.

I just always feel like I’m being shady if I don’t disclose it, idk. I guess I just feel like the employer will feel a certain way about me saying “I prefer not to disclose my race” and then some black girl walks in. Maybe I’m being paranoid.

I get it. Occasionally I've tapped "I prefer not to say" then feel weird walking in as a white crone girl, as though I was deceptive, even though it just wasn't relevant. Honestly, being black or white or whatever could be a plus in one job and not another. They're utterly annoying questions, especially pre-offer. I don't trust how that data is used and tbh in larger companies don't think the hiring managers should see it; they should see a blanked résumé/ application, no sex or race. But I want you to think of it as mainly a data point rather than a gating item, so disclose if you think it will help and not if you don't want to. Ultimately, the goal is convincing them you'll be a great employee.

 

[The Last Stand]

I downloaded the Black Ops' Shangri-La map with a gift voucher of $10. It's late, I should be in bed, but my third Zombies match went into round 27 thanks to a great random partner. I'll take what I can get, but I'm probably tired as shit tomorrow. There's even a weapon that shrinks zombies into bite size portions!

 

[Getmeout]

Is EDNOS really “failed anorexia”? Why do I fail at literally everything I do. I’m going back to bed.

 

[Outer Space Traveller]

Doing fine. Hoping everyone here is doing as well. Keep your heads up, yes?

 

[Core Theorist]

Check my post count, bitch.

Total Nigger Death.

 

[A Fly on the wall]

I finally have a couple weeks of work after over a year, unfortunately I've come down with bacterial tonsillitis the day before I leave. I've got antibiotics but it hurts to fuck and back whenever I swallow anything. Pray for me my fellow flightless bird niggas because I don't wanna piss away my vacation

 

[The Illusive Man]

Occasionally I've tapped "I prefer not to say" then feel weird walking in as a white crone girl

R U Hawt?

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Caved and had a few beers. Bad time. Terrible hangover. I'd still like to be able to drink with friends and family but like.. alone is just terrible. Duh. But I still have the occasional urge which I shouldn't.

And you're right to pull back on disclosure of personal qualities or characteristics. Companies don't care about your situation or your special qualities. They want a worker who shows up, does a good job, and won't be a hassle. Unless you're applying through a special diversity or neuro-divergent or disability program, that's not stuff to lead with.

They do want a few hints that you're well adjusted. It's fine to have "Hobbies:" at the bottom with a few one-word specifics. 'Running, reading, tea, my cat, friends and family' type shit.

ATP? Literally anything, I don’t care if I have to get on my knees an clean toilets with a toothbrush, anything that won’t make me look like a 20 yr old womanchild failure.

I've done (primarily cleaning) at the local hospital for quite a while. We've both uneducated grandmas, aspiring mothers in their late 20s and educated people who opted out of office culture and ass-kissery. Pretty fun place to work. It truly is the best on the floor. Fuck coordinators, managers and other such halfway-up-there jobs. I wish my dad had introduced me to his labor (at all) so that I would've gone into blue collar work.

I'd recommend tailoring your applications to the jobs. And think outside the box. Definitely apply to things you like and also things you think are terrible but will do, but also looking at different kinds of things.

American job applications are so fucking wack. I remember a Bungie employee blowing up on twitter because he got so many resumes with skill points. What the fuck does 4/5 Javascript mean?

 

[Otterly]

Is there any chance you could switch your job to one that doesn't pay as much but is at least less stressful?

I suppose so but I have a mortgage to pay. I worked pretty hard to get where I am and I’d feel like I’d failed if I dropped back to where I started (tbh even the job I had in those days at entry level is really stressful these days…)
It’s not just work. There’s a lot of other stuff that’s cumulatively piling up on me. Sorting it would require destroying people’s lives. Staying where I am will kill me. What do? I dunno. A couple of the blocks are genuinely intractable without serious money or people doing very specific things. Sorry to be vague, I can’t PL about it but if I do do something drastic I’m gonna need that salary

 

[PetiteFeet]

Absolutely knackered after an extremely hot day, spent with my nieces, both of the dogs and my parents.
Went to the beach with the oldest and the dogs, then went grocery shopping and then helped with pizza prep + helping the kids make their own personal pizzas.
I'm rather upset that I don't live closer to them because I would like to spend more time with the girls, but my sister and her beau both make my head hurt. My sister had two complicated births and I suspect she had some post-partum that she never really identified herself despite her being a midwife, so both children are rather clingy to her but the youngest is especially so and will freak the fuck out over nothing if her mother is nearby. She's a perfect darling when her mom ISN'T around.
But I digress, I'm not very maternal myself and I don't want kids, so who am I to judge how others raise their kids. Spending time with that side of the family also further hammers home how broken I feel.

Sunday I'll be home alone, doing chores. Is it weird that I can't wait for tomorrow to arrive?

 

[tack så mycket]

He was immediately fired.

I was NOT expecting that! Wow, what a result! And it sounds like you did the company a massive favour as well, by giving them what they needed to finally pull the trigger. I hope the job is more tolerable from now on.

 

[ilovecornsyrup]

I'm scared of aging. Say I spent my teenage years making money off my looks, enough to have an good amount of savings (considering I'm "self-made") and a bit of gold. I've had a good run (in terms of not being found dead after an OD in a Burger King toilet), but now I'm in my early 20s and I'm aware I will start getting wrinkles and look different after 25, maybe 30 taking Asian genes into account...

I've pivoted into the agricultural sector. Most people wouldn't know but carrying a whole fat pig on your shoulder is hard (insert your mom joke). How long will I be able to do that for? What happens after I'm 50 and have nothing to offer to society,? My body will be broken and I would have no career to fall back on.

I don't have a family. I'm terrified of being homeless again and dying alone on the street being unable to find work. I wonder if that's why you have old men transporting ridiculous amounts of drugs, you got nothing else to offer when you're old.

In a few years I will have the money to buy a shitty house without taking a loan. Currently I have the money to get a university education without taking a loan (although I may be too retarded to graduate). I'm not sure what will be the best future safety net. Might as well get a driver's license and a van so I have a place to sleep in no matter where I'm at.

Gib advice kiwis

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

R U Hawt?

Did you miss the crone part? Hawt, hawt, hawt, but in a "Mrs. Robinson except doesn't care for young'uns" sort of way.

I suppose so but I have a mortgage to pay. I worked pretty hard to get where I am and I’d feel like I’d failed if I dropped back to where I started (tbh even the job I had in those days at entry level is really stressful these days…)
It’s not just work. There’s a lot of other stuff that’s cumulatively piling up on me. Sorting it would require destroying people’s lives. Staying where I am will kill me. What do? I dunno. A couple of the blocks are genuinely intractable without serious money or people doing very specific things. Sorry to be vague, I can’t PL about it but if I do do something drastic I’m gonna need that salary

Maybe pick one problem to solve. (And yes, this is, "do as I say, not as I do" advice, so it's hard*, but good.)

* like you, I can't avoid seeing the cascading effects of decisions. But also maybe like you, I also know what it's like when everything is knit together so hard that any move feels like a tourniquet around the neck...but also that inaction is its own neck tourniquet.

now I'm in my early 20s and I'm aware I will start getting wrinkles and look different after 25, maybe 30 taking Asian genes into account...

JFC, lines didn't meaningfully change my looks until after 50. No, I haven't made my living on my face, but my face has been an asset in general. And unless you're banking on looking like a child not even old enough to drink (maybe you are), then "aging" isn't a concern for a few decades from now for you.

Right now, sounds like you have a lot of options - education, a house in a few years. If you don't have a particular passion for any kind of work, then go to the best school you can get into for something with good prospects and put all your effort into it and into the job you get after. Alternatively, just try a bunch of things and see what sticks.

In your wildest dreams, what would you do?

And ABSOLUTELY get a drivers license. ASAP. Driving is freedom.

 

[Cthulus Nutsack]

ATP? Literally anything, I don’t care if I have to get on my knees an clean toilets with a toothbrush, anything that won’t make me look like a 20 yr old womanchild failure.

Ever thought about working in resorts for room and board? You dont get paid much but thats bc you have no bills to worry about and lots of places even provide food. Most of these places are happy just to have someone willing to live on the job for a season(about 3 to 4 months) I've done it for years and its allowed me to travel all over the country. I came back home to help my mom out but dealing with her and the issues she is having with one of my sisters has made me borderline suicidal. I hate leaving my mom alone but I cant handle this drama. Alaska always needs help

 

[Getmeout]

Ever thought about working in resorts for room and board? You dont get paid much but thats bc you have no bills to worry about and lots of places even provide food. Most of these places are happy just to have someone willing to live on the job for a season(about 3 to 4 months) I've done it for years and its allowed me to travel all over the country. I came back home to help my mom out but dealing with her and the issues she is having with one of my sisters has made me borderline suicidal. I hate leaving my mom alone but I cant handle this drama. Alaska always needs help

This idea ain't too bad honestly! I’ll look into it!

 

[ilovecornsyrup]

And unless you're banking on looking like a child not even old enough to drink (maybe you are)

It was that kind of industry when I was there, worked from 14-19, but I suppose being independent and having papers now changes my situation.

Right now, sounds like you have a lot of options - education, a house in a few years. If you don't have a particular passion for any kind of work, then go to the best school you can get into for something with good prospects and put all your effort into it and into the job you get after. Alternatively, just try a bunch of things and see what sticks.

Do i want an education? No. I love working legally. I would go for the most practical degree I can because my brains aren't all there but that doesn't affect me when I'm working with my hands. My fear, as I stated, is that my body will give up and I will not be able to complete my education x, so I will end up fucked. In 50 years.

In your wildest dreams, what would you do?

Thats such a good question. I've never really thought about that in my life, only about om the present. I'd like the be in a medical or biology adjacent field, having a cozy lab where I do stuff

And ABSOLUTELY get a drivers license. ASAP. Driving is freedom

Indeed I should. Public transport is fine here and I can always find someone willing to hitch me a ride but having a car would make my life much easier

 

[Getmeout]

I decided to mess around with my LPS collection and play Selena Gomez, and that’s genuinely the first time in a while I’ve felt legitimately. Happy. Is this what makes me happy? Toys and 2000s pop? I mean that’s fine for me but I wish it was something more socially acceptable. Like reading. Or doing taxes.

Also thanks everyone for the job advice, I haven’t replied cause I genuinely don’t know how to add onto the conversation, everyone just has genuinely helpful good ideas I especially appreciate @Friend of Dorothy Parker assuring me I am in fact not a failure