/horror/ general megathread - Let's talk about movies and shit.

[The Nothingness]

Hope zombie movies come back. They were more fun than a lot of the current horror films.

Keep this in mind when the new Resident Evil movie is released.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

Keep this in mind when the new Resident Evil movie is released.

I thought that series was about brown third-world hordes and big tiddy vampire chicks or something these days?

 

[JustKiwiPosting]

Watched Obsession last night at the drive-in. I don't know about horror, but it was at least funny.

Spoiler

I have no idea why anyone would find this movie to be scary. I was laughing with my girl that the set up seemed to be that having a young woman fall in love with you must be a terror inducing thing for modern zoomers. Bear is very insufferable as a main character, and seems to be firing off with Haitian level IQ. Am I supposed to find a woman who looks like she is maybe 110 pounds soaking wet to be intimidating? Not to mention, the scene where she bashes Sarah's head into a brick just wasn't believable and really makes you wonder why this guy doesn't just grab the brick or stop her. I don't know.
I really don't understand what's supposed to be the horror in this movie. It's like an even more retarded spin off of Weapons. Also, you have to wonder, if his cat never dies does their relationship work out and they get a happily ever after? I mean the whole cat thing seemed to be the major point of contention. The concept of the horror being a 20 something good looking woman who wants to love a guy (who has a huge crush on her) and give him affection just seems turbo retarded.
Maybe the biggest issue is I think this film would have been far better off and maybe even have the potential to be good if they just dropped any pretense of a supernatural element. There is nothing really that Nikki does that couldn't also be done by a woman in a straight up psychological thriller. In fact, this is one of the least interesting stories they could do with a one magic wish plot. I think I'd even rather watch a movie about whoever finds the billion dollars in cash that Ian just left in his house.

At least the Drive In had a decent crowd for the movie.

 

[The Green Man]

Weapons was utter shite too. The Babadook too. Just utter garbage. The Evolution of Horror Podcast I used to enjoy and somewhat still do, But if they hype up an "Elevated Horror" (Bleh), it's going to be woke, pretenious arthouse, theatre kid, garbage.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

Keep this in mind when the new Resident Evil movie is released.

Elevated Resident evil where you will have orgasms at all the remember berries.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Spoiler: Sperging

Bear is very insufferable as a main character, and seems to be firing off with Haitian level IQ

He's supposed to be. You're not supposed to like him. He's not necessarily stupid, he's just an ass hole.

Am I supposed to find a woman who looks like she is maybe 110 pounds soaking wet to be intimidating?

Not really. She's meant to be more gross and sad than scary or intimidating.

you wonder why this guy doesn't just grab the brick or stop her. I don't know.

Because he's an epic level coward.

I really don't understand what's supposed to be the horror in this movie.

The horror is that this fucking sped retard who can't even muster up the courage to ask her out, makes a terrible and callous wish. He then, because he's a fucking monster, traps her consciousness in her own body, rapes her continuously, and repeatedly makes every wrong decision because he's a selfish sick coward. Ultimately this all ends in her killing all of her friends against her will, and going to jail for the rest of her life. Bear imprisons her on the inside, only to free her and make her a real prisoner. You can read more into it but that's the premise.

Also, you have to wonder, if his cat never dies does their relationship work out and they get a happily ever after?

Honestly, there's a lot of questions like that. What if he listened to the waitress and not his fuckwad friend? How'd the cat get into the medicine anyway?

Maybe the biggest issue is I think this film would have been far better off and maybe even have the potential to be good if they just dropped any pretense of a supernatural element.

Maybe, but it wouldn't be meaner. The movie is meant to be more mean spirited than scary.

I'll address some of your points.

Weapons was utter shite too. The Babadook too. Just utter garbage. The Evolution of Horror Podcast I used to enjoy and somewhat still do, But if they hype up an "Elevated Horror" (Bleh), it's going to be woke, pretenious arthouse, theatre kid, garbage.

I like the Babadook. I'll die on that hill. It got in before Elevated Horror got to be insufferable. It has a distinct art style and tone and was occasionally frightening. It's also just memeable enough to mainstay as culturally relevant.

Elevated Resident evil where you will have orgasms at all the remember berries.

Nope. Zach Cregger NEVER PLAYED RESIDENT EVIL 2 OR 3. He can't do Memberberries if he doesn't even know what the Memberberries are.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

Nope. Zach Cregger NEVER PLAYED RESIDENT EVIL 2 OR 3. He can't do Memberberries if he doesn't even know what the Memberberries are.

Spoiler: Re leak spoilers

RPD is in the movie. The script says gamers will cum when they see it.

I also believe he played RE because Whitest kids u know had a bunch of gamer skits he was in. They knew Xbox live call of duty lobbies. They know RE.

 

[Calandrino]

Horror is such a shit genre that something bad can be good to you.

No, that's why horror is such a great genre

 

[Tom Nook's Gloryhole]

Weapons started out as if it was going to be absolutely incredible and then the mystery ended up being absolute bollocks. All style no substance. To top it off, just like my criticism before, at least half an hour of the fucking movie could have been left on the cutting room floor and nothing would have changed plot wise.

Spoiler: not sure if it's worth spoiling a movie from last year but

It's a movie that tries to be super smart by showing the same fucking thing through different perspectives while the core content is retarded drivel, I'm going to ignore the fact that the police couldn't triangulate a fucking line and point out that the movies own internal logic managed to fuck itself over.
We saw that to 'weaponise' anyone you'd need to break the twig and ring the bell, the little kid just broke the twig. Also why were the kids the ones who fought instead of everyone in a trance?We saw the 'marvel movie' trope of having slapstick comedy in a movie during a tense scene for no other reason but to point fun at the movie so we can all laugh together, right guys? The whole movie is just everyone acting like a complete fucking retard and making horrible decisions so the director could reinforce his hamfisted 'this is a school shooting metaphor' despite it very clearly not being one.

But my worst and I mean worst criticism of Weapons is that it tries to do the weird 70s throwback look with modern technology. NIGGER PICK A TIME SETTING AND STICK WITH IT. Hell, I'm wondering if the movie was originally meant to be set in the 70s before they realised one of the key fucking plot points couldn't have happened without ring doorbell footage so the whole thing basically got spliced together.

 

[Quijibo69]

Weapons was utter shite too. The Babadook too. Just utter garbage.

The thing I hated about Weapons is they revealed the ending way too soon. They didn't have enough substance to do that. The Babadook was just retard.

 

[The Green Man]

The Substance too. Another garbage movie. "Oh its so deep, Demi Moore, who is still quite hot all things considered, is in her mid 60s, ISN'T AGING LOVELY FOR WOMEN, AREN'T WOMEN JUST SO HARD DONE BY?!" Fuck off. And The Babadook, the mother is so unlikeable.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

The Substance too. Another garbage movie. "Oh its so deep, Demi Moore, who is still quite hot all things considered, is in her mid 60s, ISN'T AGING LOVELY FOR WOMEN, AREN'T WOMEN JUST SO HARD DONE BY?!" Fuck off. And The Babadook, the mother is so unlikeable.

Women fear being old and replaced by a younger model or being social pariahs. Women horror is all the exact same thing over and over. At best you get a rape or a stolen kid.

 

[Big Miss Steak]

I saw "Passenger", it FUCKING SUCKED. The main characters were boring and I didn't care if they lived or died. The main theme of the movie took forever to go anywhere and it's just "well this shit is happening, deal with it".

Thought you were talking about 2016 Passengers with Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence, which is a horror movie imo.

I thought that series was about brown third-world hordes and big tiddy vampire chicks or something these days?

Now it's about leather daddies and clones of villains they can't move on from.

Women fear being old and replaced by a younger model or being social pariahs. Women horror is all the exact same thing over and over. At best you get a rape or a stolen kid.

Gendered horror is always going to be narrower in scope imo. What's male horror? Being labeled a pedo or rapist falsely? The Hunt with Mads Mikkelsen did that but it wasn't horror. Maybe "my wife is missing?" Or "I'm actually the one who killed my family?"

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

What's male horror?

when she finds your porn stash

 

[Kofi Drinka]

Thought you were talking about 2016 Passengers with Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence, which is a horror movie imo.

When you're in space alone and your only option is to fuck a washed up cunty actress who never looked better than a 3/10 with make up. And it drives you so crazy you start going Bing Bing Wahoo! From Jurassic world's red head to being so hungry it's almost a game.

Gendered horror is always going to be narrower in scope imo. What's male horror? Being labeled a pedo or rapist falsely? The Hunt with Mads Mikkelsen did that but it wasn't horror. Maybe "my wife is missing?" Or "I'm actually the one who killed my family?"

Male horror tends to be more of a thriller. Stuff like Jacob's ladder or Taken. Being falsely accused of something is also up there but they usually make TV series of that rather than horror and the guy is always guilty any way. I would say Gone Girl is a pretty male focused horror, but it's often told from a feminine perspective. Especially the ending is hard on men.

I would half joke that romantic comedies are male horror. You see a woman take advantage of two guys, one's just a dick and the other's a wet blanket. And they both keep getting strung along until she fucks both of them over and ends up marrying one of them any way. It makes me genuinely angry at some of those. Men really struggle with seeing injustice, it taps into a primal level of disgust and seeing women get away with that cuts deep.

 

[JustKiwiPosting]

I think Obsession works much better as a comedy but the response to it as this amazing film baffles me.

Spoiler: A Spoiler to a Spoiler to a Spoiler

The horror is that this fucking sped retard who can't even muster up the courage to ask her out, makes a terrible and callous wish. He then, because he's a fucking monster, traps her consciousness in her own body, rapes her continuously, and repeatedly makes every wrong decision because he's a selfish sick coward. Ultimately this all ends in her killing all of her friends against her will, and going to jail for the rest of her life. Bear imprisons her on the inside, only to free her and make her a real prisoner. You can read more into it but that's the premise.

The issue I have with the rape interpretation is that when Bear makes the wish, he has no real expectation that the thing would actually work. I mean, if anything, the villain is One Wish Willow having Jeremy Ham Planet-tier drop shipped poorly labeled witchcraft. It's sort of like some of the Twilight Zone episodes where the lesson is basically God/the devil/Fate/aliens are dicks who like to fuck with people. Nothing Bear does is intentional, in fact one of the major issues the film has is he is just a passenger to the shit happening around him. There is no depth here. There is nothing surprising. No deep commentary on society. It's a film full of unlikable, boring, or undeveloped characters doing mostly boring shit.

 

[Tom Nook's Gloryhole]

I think Obsession works much better as a comedy but the response to it as this amazing film baffles me.

Spoiler: A Spoiler to a Spoiler to a Spoiler

The issue I have with the rape interpretation is that when Bear makes the wish, he has no real expectation that the thing would actually work. I mean, if anything, the villain is One Wish Willow having Jeremy Ham Planet-tier drop shipped poorly labeled witchcraft. It's sort of like some of the Twilight Zone episodes where the lesson is basically God/the devil/Fate/aliens are dicks who like to fuck with people. Nothing Bear does is intentional, in fact one of the major issues the film has is he is just a passenger to the shit happening around him. There is no depth here. There is nothing surprising. No deep commentary on society. It's a film full of unlikable, boring, or undeveloped characters doing mostly boring shit.

Spoiler

Right, I hate to 'media literacy' at times but it was blatantly obvious that while Bear wasn't a bad guy at the start, the moment he realised that something was wrong and his wish had came true should have been the point where he realised that this wasn't Nikki and there was a moral issue at play.

He wasn't a passenger to all of this, he actively kept everything going no matter how fucking weird she was because he was OBSESSED with her and literally ignored 90% of the horrific red flag things she did until it was far too late and he was in too deep. Even ignoring the first night because she explained away that she was on drugs, he should have pushed her away after the cat tribute or the realisation she was lying about her dads cancer. Even when it got too much he didn't want to end the wish, he just wanted to modify the wish. He moves from 'morally wrong but fucking stupid' to 'irredeemably evil' when he's talking to 'real Nikki' who actively wants him to kill her but he says something about how it's not so bad dating him, all this while leaving the house for a 3am text to meet the girl he's starting to catch feelings for because he's too much of a coward to confront the demon Nikki himself.

His options were to kill himself or mercy kill Nikki, and at every point he just took the cowards way out by trying to push for a third option. He begs his friend to use his once in a lifetime wish to try and fix his own problems, ignoring that his friend has the ability to wish for literally anything he could ever want and it's obscenely selfish to barge into a friends house covered in the blood of his other friend and demand that he fix his life.

Meanwhile, we saw Nikki actively try and fight the imposter, we saw her screaming down the phone during the telephone call to the wish HQ, we saw her plead for Bear to kill her, we saw parts where Nikki tried to harm herself (could be psycho Nikki, could have been real Nikki trying to end it). It couldn't be more fucking obvious that the real Nikki is there and witnessing somebody take over her body with none of the autonomy to fight it. It's absolutely as horrifying as a rape analogy, but it's not just rape that Nikki is experiencing, her entire BODY is being used by someone else and she, by proxy is directly responsible for the deaths of at least two of her best friends. The situation is genuinely worse than death as there's almost nothing Nikki can do and it's clearly going to get worse and worse until Bear dies. Had Bear not taken the pills Nikki would have remained trapped in there for decades, not merely weeks.

 

[strumpets exeunt]

What's male horror? Being labeled a pedo or rapist falsely?

Anything preying on the male fears of living up to the expectations of being a father/protector and keeping faith as a partner. Honestly, Splatterhouse 3 is peak male horror, as you’re basically selling your soul for the power to save your family. But you’re almost certainly not gonna be fast enough and you have to watch them decay progressively through cinematics as you push on through Hell. Shame the remake was just a bunch of cheesecake and Pete from Goof Troop making dick jokes.

 

[Long Dong Silver 2025]

For anyone who remembers the old JK Cinema "Urban Legends" series, someone is starting to make videos in the same style, inspired by the old series on Ebaum's World:

 

[Beelzebub's Lawyer]

They knew Xbox live call of duty lobbies. They know RE.

CoD, at least back in the day when WKUK people were young, was a thing that college kids played in dorms.
Most of those college kids only played CoD and some EA sports games, that's it.
That doesn't translate to "know RE" at all.

Another thing:
Have you noticed how horror is murdering everything at the box office?
An R rated horror/sci fi movie made for $10 million had the same opening weekend numbers as the new Star Wars movie.