Culture Heroic Villagers Defeat Vampire Menace

Bands of vampire hunters in Malawi have run into resistance after locating and eradicating vampiric infiltrators in their communities.

Police in the south-east African state of Malawi say they have arrested 140 members of lynch mobs who attacked people suspected of being vampires.

At least eight people are believed to have been killed, including two men on Thursday in the second city, Blantyre.

One was set on fire and the other stoned, according to police.

Two others were arrested for threatening to suck people's blood but police say they have no medical reports of any actual bloodsucking.

Vigilante killings started on 16 September when three people suspected of being blood suckers were killed by a mob.

Traditional leaders in southern Malawi believe the vampire rumours started across the border in Mozambique where rumours of blood sucking have led to violence this week.

In Mozambique, protesters have targeted police because they believe they are protecting the supposed vampires, leading a northern town's administrator to flee the city.

The villagers in these areas believe human blood sucking is a ritual practised by some to become rich. They also believe they are failing to catch the blood suckers because they use magical powers.

If these communities believe in "mysterious magical explanations for things, then people will tend to attribute their difficulty on what they call blood suckers," Dr Chioza Bandawe, a clinical psychologist at the University of Malawi, said.

For some that represents "the life of the hope being sucked out of them," he said.
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I hope the Police deal with these vampires like how other African nations deal with Tokoloshes. They are nasty looking teddy bears that come out from under your bed and then rape you and if you tell anyone you were raped it's gonna rape you some more.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MCGDNrrl0Zo
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They're crimes are most heinous.
http://www.politicsweb.co.za/iservice/tokoloshe-made-me-a-sex-slave--daily-sun
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The only way to stop them is to sleep with cement blocks under your bed.

I didn't know what"4-5" meant for sure, so I had to look it up.
It's convoluted "township" slang for penis, among other terms such as :

For penis, to stick to that area alone, we have everything from “skin flute” to “whanger” to “yoghurt cannon”. I feel “4-5” should be added to this list, as well as a South-Africanism I’m trying to propagate — “wilbur”.

Maybe I should go easier on Africa. Yoghurt cannon is pretty hilarious tbh.
 
Africa is a shithole, no doubt.

Also south africa is goofy and full of goofy people. Even (nay, especially!) the white people.
 
The one thing about living in Malawi I never could stomach....all the Goddamn vampires.
 
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