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Infantino schemes against the white man, fucking with their schedule, make a nation of ocean farers fight on a mountain, but the Anglo still cannot be beat.
All of the Euros on Reddit seething about Trump getting the ban overturned. Listen losers, I don’t remember it being your 250th birthday, we’ll just call it a little birthday present buddy, yeah?
I mean, what would you guys do about it anyway? Last I checked, we’re hosting
Welcome to (another) autistic effortpost by BGMQ to give you context so you may laugh at people. Today we discuss Mexico's pathetic history at association football.
This won't be an exhaustive account nearly as much as a lowlight reel made in English so everyone everywhere has the proper knowledge to laugh at Mexico at any football event. This is a very long post, but I hope it bridges the gap for those of you that don't speak Spanish.
Mexico began it's footballing journey in 1927, roughly 7 years after the nebulous end of the Mexican Revolution and joined FIFA two years later. Despite this it's first match was actually in 1923, against Guatemala in a 2-1 victory in Mexico City. The sport, like in most of the Americas, was introduced by Cornish miners and Spanish exiles.
Mexico has the honour of playing the first ever match of the World Cup, losing 4-1 to France. Mexico would miss the next two WCs but return to Brazil 1950 where they retained a streak of attending for the next 5 editions. During this streak the only achievement Mexico had was having stalwart goalkeeper Antonio "La Tota" Carbajal become the first to play five world championships and even had the honour of his last match being Mexico's first win against Czechoslovakia in 1962 (3-1). In 1965, Mexico managed to win the predecessor to the Gold Cup for the first time.
The 70s is really when Mexico finally manages to reach some highs and some truly dreadful lows. Mexico 1970 had some minor concerns about temperature and altitude (which future Mexican teams would gladly exploit) but otherwise proved a move in the right direction. Mexico managed a first and advanced past the group stage (which at that point was the quarterfinals) and was quickly delivered by Italy, 4-1. Mexico would proceed to can the qualifiers for West Germany 1974 against Haiti, according to lore to voodoo magic.
And then, something magical happened: Mexico managed to reach the final of the U-20s World Cup in 1977, which they lost to the USSR. This begins the pattern for Mexico of achieving something and seeing it fail. Mexico would build the squad they sent to Argentina a year later of these guys, who proceeded to be the worst team of the tournament. Here also begins the pattern of cockiness as they believed "they would beat Tunisia, draw with Poland and lose to Germany".
For Spain 1982, CONCACAF debuted a six way format in which Mexico canned it again, this time against El Salvador and Honduras. For 1986, Colombia was meant to host but things happened and Mexico was awarded the honour of hosting for the second time on short notice. Despite the 1985 earthquake. It's this time around that Mexico manages to give its best performance, leading its group, knocking out Bulgaria in the round of 16, 2-1, and falling to West Germany in PKs after a respectable 0-0. This is as good as it ever got and it's from here where Mexico becomes the team we all know and love to laugh at.
U-20 Mexico plays the qualifier for the 1988 Olympic Games in Guatemala. Some flyers with information about the guys are passed to journalists and said journalists notice at least four guys are older than the limit. This event is known as "El Cachirulazo" (from cachirul, a Mexican slang term for a liar) and it goes that Mexico's Federation gives the press some booklets about the squad and they forget to forge the ages of the guys that shouldn't be there. They get barred from competing at the Olympics and FIFA barred Mexico's youth squads from competition for two years. Mexico tried to sweet talk their way into a shorter suspension. The result? All Mexico squads suspended for 2 years. How the fuck do you fail at bribing FIFA? Hugo Sanchez most affected.
Mexico begins a process with Cesar Luis Menotti, the Argentinian coach that won it all in 1978, in 1990. Menotti would become the architect of Mexico's development as the so-so football nation we know today. Mexico gets back in action in 1991 for the first edition of the Gold Cup. Still rusty, they lose the final to the USA. Mexico would then win in 1993 and bribe CONMEBOL higher ups with rolexes so Mexico could be a guest for Copa America and Mexican teams could compete in Copa Libertadores and Copa Sudamericana. This begins a golden age for el Tri, as they manage to reach 2 Copa America finals (1993 and 2001) and three third places (1997, 1999 and 2007) as a national team and three different Mexican teams reach the Libertadores final (Cruz Azul in 2001, Guadalajara in 2010 and Tigres in 2017. The latter would go on to reach the final of the Club World Cup) and Pachuca became the only team to ever win a tournament outside of its won confederation with the Copa Sudamericana of 2006. Here's the reason why Mexicans believe themselves to be "only below Brazil and Argentina in the Americas".
Beginning in United States 1994, Mexico would begin a streak of qualifying to every World Cup and attracted one of the most dedicated fanbases in the world. They also began a streak of always going out during the Round of 16. Mexico managed to see some remarkable players down this stretch: Hugo Sanchez, pentapichichi, during his twilight years; Rafael Marquez, a solid complement to Carles Puyol in Barcelona during the early Guardiola era; Jorge Campos, one of the finest goalkeepers of his era and borderline positionless striker; Cuautemoc Blanco, as talented as he was butt ugly and almost drowned in a pool. Among many, many others.
Mexico's streak was a textbook rollercoaster. USA '94, they are group leaders and lose in PKs to Bulgaria. France '98, another solid performance were they were eliminated by Germany, 2-1. Mexico got to host the Confederation Cup in 1999, and they managed to win it against Brazil. This is by a country mile still the greatest accomplishment they have.
On the way to Korea-Japan '02, they almost didn't make it. They sucked so they called Javier Aguirre, at that point the most accomplished Mexican coach and arguably, still today. He managed to drag Mexico to the World Cup, where they somehow won the group and then they were ruthlessly eliminated by the USA, 2-0, while the yanks were still figuring out what the fuck is a soccer. "DOS A CERO" became it's own meme on CONCACAF to reflect that a nation that barely gave a fuck about the sport was still capable of cucking Mexico out of things.
In 2005, Mexico managed to win the U-17 World Cup. For Germany '06, they had a legit solid team with a lot guys with European experience. Based on recency bias, there were reasons to believe Mexico could finally join the big boy table of football. Then Argentina showed up and while Argentina may not be very good at having a stable economy, they are very good at football. And specially, at making Mexico feel inferior. If Mexico was Johnny Joestar, Argentina is Diego Brando with the US as Funny Valentine. They never are able to beat them and how Mexico was eliminated in 2006, planted the seeds of a resentful one-sided feud with a country that up until 2022 was carrying itself with a stigma of futility. A legit canon event for a generation of beaners. Mexico would then experience the infamous collapse in the 2008 Pre-Olympic in Carson where they manage to land every shot on the one Haitian defending.
On the process to South Africa 2010, Mexico tried things with a Swede some of you may remember: Sven Goran Ericson. After failing with England, he was trusted a team that had the guys that almost made it in 2006 and the kids that won that U-17 World Cup. He fuck it up so Mexico called Javier Aguirre again. This time, no one thinks he did a good job. Jose Ramon Fernandez, a journalist semi-involved with El Cachirulazo, literally said he was the worst tactician in that tournament not named Raymond Domenech. Expanding on what I said about Aguirre before, he is a very defensive coach and he loves limited but gutsy players. His era is filled with guys no other coach would've called. He decided to cuck some of the young players like Ochoa and Chicharito, for guys that were on the verge of retirement. The goalie ran more than the fucking striker. The worst thing that could've happened was beating France, because it made them believe they were good. So when Argentina came knocking again, this time they faced no opposition.
The early 2010s ushers an interesting turning point, because it began with such promise just to falter into nothing. Mexico wins the Gold Cup convincingly and El Tri's youth development looks more promising than it ever did. The U-17 hosts and wins every match and the U-20s land a third place in Colombia. The latter would then evolve into the U-23 team that won gold at the Pan-American Games in Guadalajara but also were sent to be brutalized in Copa America 2011. 2012 is when things really clicked for these guys, because they managed to win the Maurice Revello Tournament and then Olympic gold in London.
This is really the peak of the story. Is all downhill from here so I hope you didn't get your hopes up for these guys. Mexico became strained between their compromises with CONCACAF and CONMEBOL, so the golden generation was trusted with covering for the events Mexico's Team A didn't want to play. This led to a lacklustre performance in both fronts during the 2010s. Mexico managed to lose in Gold Cup semi-finals to Panama in 2013. For Brazil '14, they only got in because of America doing them a solid. A literal carousel on the level of 2001. The men that managed to get Mexico in may as well be known as heroes, specially Raul Jimenez, a gold winner that got Mexico in though a bicycle kick that ignited a nation. There they managed to hold Fortaleza for a little longer than expected and lost in dramatic fashion to the Netherlands. This trauma is not necessarily on the same level as losses to Argentina but it did buckbreak the weak sense of Mexican exceptionalism. The coach of that squad was a living meme known as Miguel Herrera, a motivator more than a proper coach that got himself fired for beaner Trump-like actions.
Enter Copa America Centenario. Mexico returns after a streak of futility with a dominating group stage. Less drama, more talent. And then came the Rape of Santa Clara, 7-0 to Chile. "An embarrassment" said then coach Juan Carlos Osorio. The tail end of the 2010s proved less interesting outside of Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez becoming a streamer and destroying his legacy. Mexico made it to Russia '18, beat Germany and proceeded to larp like they were going to win it all until they faced Brazil in Round of 16. In 2019, they got a friendly against Argentina in the Alamodome. This friendly entered infamy because Mexican journalists declared Mexico came to it with a stronger squad as Argentina would be sending a domestic league heavy team. This is the Rape of San Antonio, where Lautaro Martinez scored a hat-trick on a 4-0 victory.
We arrive at the 2020s, Mexico starts strong by losing its streak of making it past the Group Stage and getting to see Argentina win again. The top salt from Mexico decides to try and start a process by hiring Jaime Lozano, the coach that managed to win the bronze medal in Tokyo 2020. His performance as interim was solid and managed to win the Gold Cup in 2024 but he had the gall of also being mediocre at the Copa America of the same year so he was sacked. Six days later, Mexico would call Javier Aguirre for the third time as national manager.
Mexico managed to win a very winnable group. They played every game but one at their Bolivian cheat-code and it was the one where the Koreans offed themselves. As I write this, I'm hearing pundits cope about how as long as Argentina doesn't make it either, Mexico can still rank higher. Not the States, your actual rival, but Argentina. I sincerely hope both countries make it to the Top 4 if not outright win.
How are the general Mexican population feeling about the elimination? From my perspective as a brazilian, they played with soul and grit but didn't make sense that after conceding 2 fast goals they would continue to fight until their first goal.
Then what really never made sense was why were you guys doing chuveirinho when you had numerical advantage? Mexico dominated the field and never tried infiltrations or even attempted shooting or dribbling inside the box.
It was a great game and I had fun watching, unlike the snoozefest of Brazil and Norway, where both teams didn't want to play offensively.
“Enjoy your third world shithole”
Does this guy realize he lives in Mexico? The definition of a third world shithole?
Must be hard getting mogged by your northern neighbor so hard everyone in your country tries to flee there. Even their southern neighbor, Guatemala, beats them in crime rate and economic stability.
The coping about losing with some dignity seems to have quelled base beaner behaviour. Live in an enclave, so I can't really say if they are taking it well. I was having a fucking blast with this game because I legit don't like either team but Mexican smugness is so unwarranted it makes me giddy they lost.
Watching the game with a Mexican broadcast was hilarious. It was some next level karma to see the Bellingham goals come right after they were making a big deal about their possession and mocking Harry Kane not showing up before the PK as if Santi Gimenez has done anything. After Jimenez scored that PK, they gave up. Their attack is literally kick shoots until something enters and anytime that played offensive football could've a field day with that defence. The last 15 minutes were missing Three Stooges music. They legit were expecting the draw to come to them and maybe again in extra time. They are going to learn nothing from this but expect chimp outs if the US or Argentina make deep runs.
I’m not saying I’m going to kill myself if USA loses tomorrow, but if I don’t log in for a couple days just tell the authorities to wear a rain coat in my room because I’m going to paint my ceiling.
I’m not saying I’m going to kill myself if USA loses tomorrow, but if I don’t log in for a couple days just tell the authorities to wear a rain coat in my room because I’m going to paint my ceiling.
I am certainly concerned. It makes no sense that Canada and Mexico being bounced should have any effect on us, but the host countries getting all tossed out on this round sounds poetically true.
I hope we're the exception, but that has me nervous more than anything. It's JINXY, I hate jinx
