Fantasy or Sci-fi books you'd Want to See Adapted - But you know would be butchered due to current year bullshit

@The Gangster Computer if I had imagination this strong, I would've been a screenwriter, but ok, let's pretend that we are like 50 years ago, CGI is good enough and studios are ready to throw their money into something good. In this case, my picks are:

1. Starship Troopers. No, that movie is stupid and doesn't do any justice to the book. You want to show that militarism isn't great? Ok, just left the hints that military economy requires constant wars, that non-military people hate the state of things and don't want their children to die in a war in some shithole far-far away and that some soldiers realize that someday they're gonna fuck with enemy out of their abilities and will get railed. Don't turn it into a fucking travesty about cartoony propaganda, brain-sucking bugs and shared shower rooms. And then give me fucking exoskeletons, crazy epic warfare and some citizen-grade heroism. There! You can leave the music though.
2. For capeshit my pick is Batman: Vampire Trilogy. Movie or cartoon - doesn't matter much. Movie can do better job with acting, while cartoon will be better with grotesque visuals. No Snyder though, it should be a actual director who knows how to show protagonist's deterioration, like Darren Aronofsky or David Fincher.
3. For chinese porn coloring books my pick is, eh, fuck it, 14-sai, just because this shit is absolutely bonkers and no one is ever going to make an anime out of it. I mean, where else Earth gets absolutely demolished by a series of events that make Egyptian plagues look like a bad day at grocery store and then american president says "fuck it, I'm legalizing weed"? Can't say I liked it much, but I just couldn't stop reading it, because I wanted to know how insane it's going to be next.
4. Martian chronicles. I know it's not even close to strong science fiction, but I can't help myself, I love it.
5. Roadside picnic. No, "Stalker"(not the cheeky-breeky one) does 0 justice to the book and even authors hated it. All the mystery, all the feeling of visiting another world while not leaving ours and the story of a man who suffered so much that he doesn't know what to wish for turned into pretentious slog. Some time ago they made a pilot for a series, but the protagonist was black and janitor... I am so happy it didn't go anywhere.
6. The First Law. Well, absolute failure of the last GoT season made sure that it's not gonna get raped for some time, but then Shitflix manipulated the numbers of The Witcher enough and later Amazon's Lord of the Rings and Wheel of Time will arrive, so... I am not even going to hope for it to end up in good hands.

I want to give you a good boy sticker for disliking the Starship Trooper movie abortion, but I also want to fight you irl for not appreciating Stalker. Can you tell me what you thought about Solaris so we can go best of three?
 
I will just state that Lem hated Tarkovsky for that adaptation.

I can get why having your work changed so radically can irk the author, but there are worse things in life than being a successful author and the inspiration for one of the greatest movies of all time, even if it's not the movie you would have made. Wish he could have seen that.
 
3. For chinese porn coloring books my pick is, eh, fuck it, 14-sai, just because this shit is absolutely bonkers and no one is ever going to make an anime out of it. I mean, where else Earth gets absolutely demolished by a series of events that make Egyptian plagues look like a bad day at grocery store and then american president says "fuck it, I'm legalizing weed"? Can't say I liked it much, but I just couldn't stop reading it, because I wanted to know how insane it's going to be next
Absolutely patrician.

Another great manga that needs to be adapted is Pluto (it's sci-fi too). I saw some concept art of main characters years ago, but afaik the adaptation never went beyond that.

I also wanted to add Judge Dredd TV series, but considering how pozzed and filled with politics modern TV is, it would be better if it never got an adaptation.
 
A Wrinkle in Ti- oh wait, siiiiigh...

How about a fake nature documentary based on the designs in After Man and Man After Man?
I actually have some good news for you. Japan actually made a live-action documentary-style series for After Man using a mixture of puppetry and stop-motion animation for the creatures and incorporates real zoological facts and details on the animals the After Man creatures evolved from, and there was also an anime series (although the anime was more kid-friendly). Man After Man I think has never been adapted by the japanese though but I think it was considered at one point, which is a shame. The documentary also features occasional clips that feature the author himself explaining real animal life. The only downside is that there are no subs for it.

 
I think Starslip Crisis would actually make a good animated movie or TV show. It's too out there for live action, though.

The first Jao Empire book could be OK, and keep the door open for the (totally unnecessary) sequels if it does well enough.

I'm actually somewhat partial to the Starship Troopers movie, because even if it's complete dogshit as both adaptation and satire, it's almost the platonic ideal of the cheeseball action movie.
 
I'm actually somewhat partial to the Starship Troopers movie, because even if it's complete dogshit as both adaptation and satire, it's almost the platonic ideal of the cheeseball action movie.
Yeah I have to admit, I seen it the first time when I was young before I'd read the book and I enjoyed the movie. I still do even though it doesn't really do the book justice at all.
 
Kim Newman's Anno Dracula series could make for a great and long running TV series as there's tons of material to adapt.

However they'd probably take the well written female characters and ruin them.

I'm surprised there's not a single screen adaption of Kim Newman's work though, he's very underrated.
 
I would like to see the Galaxy's Edge series get a proper adaption. I really like military sci-fi a lot, and Galaxy's Edge fills that niche nicely. I would like to see what an adaption would look like, but I know exactly how it would be maimed and raped by TV Execs....
 
First Law trilogy seems ripe for adaptation. i saw pictures from a supposed story-boarding a few years ago but never heard anything since then. my personal least favorite thing they do with these GoT-style adaptations is add in a bunch of gross and unnecessary sex and rape scenes (such as the bizarre orgy scene in the Witcher) and i think that, besides the few canon sex scenes, these books are rather protected from that kind of meddling, because of the plot. i just don’t see a lot of places where they could cram that shit in. coomers gonna coom tho so they could always surprise me
The First Law. Well, absolute failure of the last GoT season made sure that it's not gonna get raped for some time, but then Shitflix manipulated the numbers of The Witcher enough and later Amazon's Lord of the Rings and Wheel of Time will arrive, so... I am not even going to hope for it to end up in good hands.

That's the one series I really don't want anyone to touch, especially reading how these executives cannot handle even the easiest of franchises to adapt like the Wheel of Time. Like, everything is laid out in WOT, there's legitimately no reason to go off script unless it's to cut a few scenes, but already we got Rand slamming Egwene and Perrin fridging his one-scene wife. Within the first episode, no less.

I legitimately cared about almost every single character when I was reading the First Law series and I know for certain none of these hollywood hacks could ever make Glotka as good as he is in the books. Even Jezal would need a precise and fantastic screenwriter to get him right, and I know that a shallow, blonde nobleman will never get his just due in this time period because White Men BAD. He'll either be written as a right-wing rapist, or blacked. Neither which I want to witness.

I already am dour about WOT and LOTR. I don't need to see The First Law get shit wiped all over it.
 
That's the one series I really don't want anyone to touch, especially reading how these executives cannot handle even the easiest of franchises to adapt like the Wheel of Time. Like, everything is laid out in WOT, there's legitimately no reason to go off script unless it's to cut a few scenes, but already we got Rand slamming Egwene and Perrin fridging his one-scene wife. Within the first episode, no less.

I legitimately cared about almost every single character when I was reading the First Law series and I know for certain none of these hollywood hacks could ever make Glotka as good as he is in the books. Even Jezal would need a precise and fantastic screenwriter to get him right, and I know that a shallow, blonde nobleman will never get his just due in this time period because White Men BAD. He'll either be written as a right-wing rapist, or blacked. Neither which I want to witness

Jezal i actually think might come out ok. he reminds me of Jaime Lannister in a lot of aspects and his character was handled really really well on the show (when there were still books to follow :sigh: ). i would worry for Glokta because his POV is so important to the character, his absolutely miserable inner monologue is one of the best parts of the books, and you can’t really do that justice on a tv show i don’t think. other characters POVs are less important to their characterization but without Glokta constantly thinking about how much he hates porridge, stairs, and every other human on the planet, you don’t have Glokta. also bringing it back to GoT for another second i fear they just wouldn’t be able to budget to CGI his appearance in every episode, Targaryans couldn’t even have purple eyes due to budget and technical constraints, and with Glokta you’d have to be doing teeth (again without the missing teeth he’s not Glokta) which i can imagine would be extremely difficult and time consuming.

however my main fears are concentrated on Ninefingers and Ferro. i can easily see Ninefingers just being turned into a smooth brain comic relief character like a lot of other warrior/barbarian types in recent adaptations. Ferro i fear will be viewed as racist on account of her being both Asian-coded and completely unhinged and because of that they’ll want to tone down the more unsavory aspects of her character and make her into a typical girlboss.
 
I kinda wish that the Lion's Blood books could get a [current year] adaptation, because it would be the worst thing ever committed to film. The Wonder Woman 2011 pilot would like like I Claudius by comparison.
 
i fear they just wouldn’t be able to budget to CGI his appearance in every episode, Targaryans couldn’t even have purple eyes due to budget and technical constraints, and with Glokta you’d have to be doing teeth (again without the missing teeth he’s not Glokta) which i can imagine would be extremely difficult and time consuming.

Glotka isn't Glotka without him purposely freaking people out with his hideous appearance. And you're completely right, his inner dialogue is the best part of the series, especially when he has to deal with the Arch Lector. I don't know how you would bring that to screen. He isn't quippy like Tyrion Lannister, nor should he be but that's probably what he would be written as. After all, I still see Tyrion''s "I drink and I know things" on office walls and mugs. Can't imagine Glotka's screaming about shitting the bed would have the same resonance... But I'm sure if you want to sell merchandise, you make him into whatever you want.

however my main fears are concentrated on Ninefingers and Ferro. i can easily see Ninefingers just being turned into a smooth brain comic relief character like a lot of other warrior/barbarian types in recent adaptations. Ferro i fear will be viewed as racist on account of her being both Asian-coded and completely unhinged and because of that they’ll want to tone down the more unsavory aspects of her character and make her into a typical girlboss.

I'd really hate that. She's a spiteful bitch but that's the reason she was so great. Her fanaticism and Logan's constant want for temperament were a great contrast and I doubt any modern television writer could do it with the finesse it deserves. There used to be a time where I believed it could be done, but after Trump got elected it seems like all of Hollywood lost its collective mind and decided that characters should no longer be interesting or complex, but political mouthpieces and stand-ins for themselves.

There are truly terrifying and fucked up moments in this series, combined with the absolute complexity of human nature, but I doubt you'd get any of that highlighted because all that matters now is some rudimentary, far leftist-meme message. I don't think any fantasy book series would get a good treatment anymore. You see it with how they're all searching for that next "Game of Thrones". More sex, more drama, more subversion of expectations. Where's the BAD POOSAY girls? Where's the drunken dwarf, the feminist queen, the women who are better at men at everything but are held back by *outdated gender roles*, etc.

GOT was a prime example of lacking any source material, a series goes to shit, but WOT and the new LOTR shows even with an extensive source material, it's still not good enough. And the First Law series doesn't deserve a shoddy adaptation.
 
I don't think any fantasy book series would get a good treatment anymore.
Someday they will point their collective eyes in the direction of "Prince of Nothing". Imagine what they are going to do there. Shitflix's treatment of Witcher will look like a word by word adaptation.
 
I would LOVE to see a proper film adaptation of The Talisman. That could be so great if made true to the source material.
I'm pretty ehhhhhhh about anything involving Stephen King. His child sexuality scenes in It and The Talisman hit were sketchy even before he outed himself as a TDS afflicted libtard.

For those who haven't read it, The Talisman features a scene where a homeless black janitor gives our hero Jack Sawyer - a 11 year old boy - a porno magazine, and later on there are scenes where he's propositioned by gay men in changing rooms and while hitchhiking. The former is played off as no big deal, just how it is being a handsome young man in southern California.

Oh, and a lunatic threatens to run a lighter over his balls after doing the same to his fingers, and the Talisman itself is revealed to have a metaphorical vagina.

One wonders what Steve's childhood was like.
 
I just remembered another one. Larry Niven's State series. A World Out of Time would make a pretty great movie. It deals with a man being cryo frozen to cure his disease in the future but awakens to find that the Earth is now artificially orbiting around Jupiter, the Sun is dying, The State is now in control and that his very soul has been extracted and placed in another man's body and has to fight for not just his own survival but for the destiny of future humanity. Also snake cats! There's also the Integral Trees from the same series which has one of the most interesting and alien settings I can think of set within a planetary ring that has its own atmosphere and bizarre ecosystem.
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