Family Size Discussion Thread - How many kids is too many or too few?

[C. G. B. Spender]

People put making money before family, sure its hard without money but many take it to levels of we aint having babies unless we have this 4 bedroom house and expensive trips every year. Everything has to be handed on a silver platter and it needs to be handed now, there's no between.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

You plan based on your means, then adjust as needed (a.k.a. making sacrifices) when things get rolling. Unless something happens that prevents you from having children, you're going to have the kids who come to you, so like you may end up with twins or more your first go-round. Siblings are absolutely ideal, and have them as close together as possible.

I come from a large family of six siblings, so I would personally love that as well. However, I married later than my parents did, and my husband and I are just getting by, so it's likely to be small when it happens. It's one of the biggest worries, though that's apparently just natural.

 

[Lemmingwiser]

half of the economy is fake and just jew daycare for women (IE: HR departments)
Crush that shit and birthrates jump to 2,6

Three quarters. Don't forget government.

 

[David Brown]

People like Elon are failed fathers. You have to be involved in raising your children as a man.

I agree, pink triangle bearing wretch. Musk is a deadbeat dad narcissist faggot and that is the most shameful part of his miserable insecure existence.

 

[ChefBourgeoisie]

I've taught my children that anything less than replacement is extinction. In an ideal world where nothing bad ever happens, two is enough. But we don't live in that world, really needs to be three minimum. But as others make themselves extinct we should try to make the people we will become numerous, so more is better... assuming they are able to provide for them. But the trickiest part will be teaching theirs to avoid being converted by the leftoids and trannies and whatnot, because those degenerates are so great in number they could easily ruin every single grandchild and great-grandchild they might ever have.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

half of the economy is fake and just jew daycare for women (IE: HR departments)
Crush that shit and birthrates jump to 2,6

Issue is mainly government gibs and standardized pay. Get back to the times that the person contributing twice as much got payed twice the salary.

 

[ZsaZsaBinks]

I guess how many a couple can handle. The world doesn’t need another Andrea Yates.

 

[Audit]

I love the idea of a big family. However, the several I've come across in real life were full of unhappy kids who weren't allowed to have childhoods. The moms tended to be baby-addicts who'd lose interest once the child grew up, that or they were extremely religious and stressed out of their minds every day.

But I've seen small families that were depressing in their own ways too, like the 1-2 kid households where both parents were working full-time. It can be less chaotic yet just as lonely. There are fewer (practical) drawbacks overall to the smaller family because of how modern society is structured.

Big families are great. Kids from small families don't learn how to deal with not being the center of attention. A little bit of neglect is good for the spirit. That said, home schooling is taking that neglect and amping it up to 11 while on meth. Religiousness can be good or bad depending on the circumstances. Insofar as parental busyness goes, it's mostly a matter of parents decided to live vicariously through their kids and finding dozens of after school activities for them to get ferried around to. The most stressed kids I knew had tiger parents that made them work a 60hr week job since the time they were 5.

Can't say how it can work for people these days. Seems the whole world has just decided it wants to commit suicide and is working overtime to send the notion of family to hell. Good luck making time for kids when both parents work full time or if there's a hard time making ends meet.

 

[eDove]

I guess how many a couple can handle. The world doesn’t need another Andrea Yates.

This is an important factor that I didn't fit into the post. I'm glad you mentioned it. Postpartum depression/psychosis is extremely unfair and misunderstood. You can do everything right and still end up a statistic.

My dreams of having 3+ kids were dashed after the first baby. It was so dark that I can't go into detail without seeming like a monster. My mother and her sister had four kids. Many other women in my family had three at the minimum. Why am I so bad at it? If I didn't force myself to take Redditor candies I think my kid and I would both be dead.

What's messed up is that I didn't realize it was more psychosis than depression until very recently. None of the professionals diagnosed me correctly. None bothered to dig deep. I voluntarily hospitalized myself for ten days, desperate for an intensive profiling, and nothing happened. I was deemed "low priority." The one time I expressed my honest feelings to my hospital's maternal psychiatry, I was reported to CPS.

I have a second child now 'cause I at least wanted more than one (and we knew what symptoms to watch for). Thankfully, I didn't get PPP again. I fell in love with the baby right away, but I was dangerously psycho during the whole pregnancy. I've flatly told people that if I keep having kids I'll be the next Andrea Yates.

The medication scares me. Psychiatry is a joke. I need some kind of intense therapy and treatment again though because, despite a totally normal pregnancy and delivery, I still have a hard time recognizing my firstborn as my biological child. It's like I've been babysitting someone else's kid for the last 2½ years.

This condition stole something from me that I can never have: those first precious months and first year of my child. All I remember is hatred, panic, and being constantly on the verge of something irreversible.

I'll say it once more, extremely unfair to everyone involved, especially the baby.

 

[ZsaZsaBinks]

This is an important factor that I didn't fit into the post. I'm glad you mentioned it. Postpartum depression/psychosis is extremely unfair and misunderstood. You can do everything right and still end up a statistic.

@eDove It’s such an unpopular thing to talk about on this forum, especially since we always have people going on about the low birth rate.

 

[nym]

"2 is ideal" position is clearly stupid for a very simple reason that should be obvious to everyone after just a tiny bit of thought: not everyone will have children. Some people literally cannot. If every family has two, the human race slowly dies.
As of right now, it's only Africans having 4+ per "family". If that's how you want it to go, well...

 

[Shakira Flabbergasted]

@eDove It’s such an unpopular thing to talk about on this forum, especially since we always have people going on about the low birth rate.

I think it scares people because you don't really have a choice in the matter. Almost everything else you achieve in life is more or less decided by your actions, with some input from others. Reproduction is one of those things where the outcome is pretty much out of your hands, excluding obvious things you can control like proper nutrition and prenatal care. It's possible to do everything right and still wind up in an awful situation (dead baby, sick baby, dead mom, dead mom and baby), but if you're honest about that fact, it might scare some people off having kids. And it's such a small percentage of cases, it really doesn't matter - until you're in that small percentage.

I know the risks and still want kids, and I think that's how it should be. Discussion of these things shouldn't be prohibited, because that's how you end up with horrible tragedies. If anything, we need to talk about it more, so women who want to be mothers can know what their avenues for help and support are, in the rare event that they might need them. Plane crashes are also incredibly unlikely, but airlines still provide life vests and tell people where they're located before a flight. Keeping people ignorant simply doesn't work anymore when we all have unlimited information constantly at our fingertips.

Edit: As for the thread tax, I think 3 is ideal, but 2 is okay if you can't afford 3. I don't think just 1 or more than 4 is good, because both can cause a weird family dynamic where kids either get too much or not enough attention.

 

[GhostNotes]

It's possible to do everything right and still wind up in an awful situation (dead baby, sick baby, dead mom, dead mom and baby), but if you're honest about that fact, it might scare some people off having kids.

This is exactly what scares me from trying to have kids. I've seen happy marriages with sweet obedient kids, but they are a tiny footnote on a page filled with unhappy, neglectful parents having kids they don't deserve while others try and are saddled with miscarriages or worse.

Spoiler: Major TMI

I have a sister who always wanted kids, and always seemed like she would make a great mother. She did all the right things, found a loyal churchgoer, got married early, et cetera. and her kid came out severely mentally handicapped. The second kid seems to be the same, or at least heavily stunted due to proximity. The third died a few months in the womb. The husband works overtime trying to afford rent and food because he chose family before career advancement, and that leaves a miserable mom trying her best to raise kids who don't show or understand gratitude. It takes constant help from family and community to make sure she stays sane and the kids stay safe.

In my opinion, that's a fate worse than death, and after witnessing it, I would never hazard a chance to be in her position even if the likelihood was low. I know the declining birthrate is a bad thing for society, but it takes a village to raise a child, and that child might just ruin the village. When you have no village to help raise the kid, and when kids are increasingly likely to have some disorder, it's reasonable to conclude that it isn't worth your one finite life.

 

[Kamway]

It always comes down to finances & what the parents can handle. That being said I think 5 is the max based on what I've seen.
I know plenty of families with 5 happy kids - more than that & the older kids get forced into becoming proxy parents, & education gets neglected.

 

[Shakira Flabbergasted]

This is exactly what scares me from trying to have kids. I've seen happy marriages with sweet obedient kids, but they are a tiny footnote on a page filled with unhappy, neglectful parents having kids they don't deserve while others try and are saddled with miscarriages or worse.

I understand your position, since you've seen it up close and personal. Most of the families I know aren't perfect, but are trying their best, and the kids are normal. I know it could happen to anyone, though, and I think people should make what they feel is the right decision for themselves while taking all relevant factors into account.

I know plenty of families with 5 happy kids - more than that & the older kids get forced into becoming proxy parents, & education gets neglected.

Now, all the families I know with this many kids have miserable, parentified oldest siblings. Imo, more than 2 kids per adult is impossible to manage for most people. But maybe it's because the ones I know homeschool.

Spoiler: Edit

Forgot to mention — for the people sperging about African birth rates, they have so many kids for the same reason everyone did in the past: because they have high child mortality rates. Yes, their populations are still growing, but not as fast as you'd think. Plus, having a bajillion kids for ideological reasons is fucking stupid. You'll be miserable. Do it though, idc, but don't say I didn't warn you.

 

[Otterly]

As many as you can genuinely love and genuinely devote enough time to

 

[Escar]

This is exactly what scares me from trying to have kids. I've seen happy marriages with sweet obedient kids, but they are a tiny footnote on a page filled with unhappy, neglectful parents having kids they don't deserve while others try and are saddled with miscarriages or worse.

Spoiler: Major TMI

I have a sister who always wanted kids, and always seemed like she would make a great mother. She did all the right things, found a loyal churchgoer, got married early, et cetera. and her kid came out severely mentally handicapped. The second kid seems to be the same, or at least heavily stunted due to proximity. The third died a few months in the womb. The husband works overtime trying to afford rent and food because he chose family before career advancement, and that leaves a miserable mom trying her best to raise kids who don't show or understand gratitude. It takes constant help from family and community to make sure she stays sane and the kids stay safe.

In my opinion, that's a fate worse than death, and after witnessing it, I would never hazard a chance to be in her position even if the likelihood was low. I know the declining birthrate is a bad thing for society, but it takes a village to raise a child, and that child might just ruin the village. When you have no village to help raise the kid, and when kids are increasingly likely to have some disorder, it's reasonable to conclude that it isn't worth your one finite life.

Man, it really feels unsavory, but I honestly understand why certain severely handicapped people would be euthanized.

 

[GhostNotes]

Man, it really feels unsavory, but I honestly understand why certain severely handicapped people would be euthanized.

I've come around to this spartan view in recent years. Someone has to stand up for the good-hearted people who are too kind to look out for themselves.

Special needs kids are a HUGE, EXPENSIVE, LABOR-INTENSIVE PROJECT THAT NEVER ENDS. It's one thing to decry a poor baby being killed off, but nobody ever has that empathy for the mom with her 35 year-old "miracle baby" who just smashed diarrhea into the carpet at 3 AM- and nobody in the family or community ever taps in to give her a break from that duty. A constant string of injuries, messes, and work that nobody wants to do. They're on 24/7 home-care duty their whole life without end, because the rest of the family wants nothing to do with the hassle.

Wanting more kids is all well and good, but I can't advocate for keeping all our gimpy, unworkable people alive, especially in an era where you really can't afford it. Most of the time it's a lifelong curse set upon a family at the behest of one or two sentimentally-blinded people. It's horrible to say that euthanisia is freeing to the living, so nobody ever stands up for those kind, dutiful, good-hearted people that ACTUALLY clean up and care for the cripples/"special" kids, etc.

Caring for the special needs people is completely thankless, and tiresome, and they hate it, and they're racked with guilt every day because they sit there, aching back and arthritic knuckles, scrapping away the 5th floor-shit of the week thinking to themselves "I can't wait until God takes him from us, I can't keep doing this... I'm such a horrible person."

 

[ConsentAccidentVictimNo98]

First, I'm shocked that no one has said "it depends on the race" yet. Second, any number greater than 2 given that the replacement for demographics must be greater than 2.

 

[Womble of Wimbledon]

Having one child is child abuse, between two and four seems to be the sweet spot. Kids with siblings are just more well-adjusted in every way. I think having a gap of three or four years between kids is a good idea, which for most people fertility-wise would limit them to five or six at the most.

Growing up I always felt sorry for kids with lots of siblings, they never got a moment's peace or privacy and the house was always a circus. That being said, it didn't actually seem to bother them at all because they were used to it.

I've come around to this spartan view in recent years. Someone has to stand up for the good-hearted people who are too kind to look out for themselves.

Special needs kids are a HUGE, EXPENSIVE, LABOR-INTENSIVE PROJECT THAT NEVER ENDS. It's one thing to decry a poor baby being killed off, but nobody ever has that empathy for the mom with her 35 year-old "miracle baby" who just smashed diarrhea into the carpet at 3 AM- and nobody in the family or community ever taps in to give her a break from that duty. A constant string of injuries, messes, and work that nobody wants to do. They're on 24/7 home-care duty their whole life without end, because the rest of the family wants nothing to do with the hassle.

Wanting more kids is all well and good, but I can't advocate for keeping all our gimpy, unworkable people alive, especially in an era where you really can't afford it. Most of the time it's a lifelong curse set upon a family at the behest of one or two sentimentally-blinded people. It's horrible to say that euthanisia is freeing to the living, so nobody ever stands up for those kind, dutiful, good-hearted people that ACTUALLY clean up and care for the cripples/"special" kids, etc.

Caring for the special needs people is completely thankless, and tiresome, and they hate it, and they're racked with guilt every day because they sit there, aching back and arthritic knuckles, scrapping away the 5th floor-shit of the week thinking to themselves "I can't wait until God takes him from us, I can't keep doing this... I'm such a horrible person."

Not to make this thread about this issue but severely disabled kids are just like any other kids in that they are a reflection of how they were raised. Yes, raising a disabled child is harder and more stressful, but a lot of support exists and parents who don't accept help usually have selfish reasons for that. There is a whole industry - disability care - which exists so the parents do not have to do all the work. Many parents have a martyr complex and want to show the world how amazing and selfless they are while actually doing a sub-par job of caring for their child.

In my experience, and I have a lot of it, nearly all parents of severely disabled children have other kids and the quality of their parenting is equally reflected in their disabled and able-bodied children. Bad behaviours in disabled children do not come from nowhere, just like with regular kids.