🪦 Deceased Elizabeth Waite / John Waite Jr. - You did this, Rat King

[Chan the Wizard]

Who approved the ball removal?

 

[buffaloWildWings]

Huh, seems I'm shadowbanned on twitter. I tried to send the cremation link and it's not showing up. Edit: twitter, you fucking CUCKS!

 

[Manapan]

Not to be indelicate in your time of loss, but all of these things weren't a red flag for you that your partner was having severe mental issues that needed professional intervention?

She was seeing a counselor and was on antidepressants at the time. I wanted whatever was going to help her be better adjusted. I'm not a mental health professional or a doctor, and I trusted them. She had a therapist recommending transition to help with her mental state.

She didn't DIY her hormones and she didn't doctor shop for the orchi. For the hormones she had a letter from her therapist recommending that an endocrinologist prescribe HRT for transition. For her vital records to be changed she had a letter from her endocrinologist stating she was undergoing appropriate therapy for transition. For the orchi, she had a new letter from her therapist and a letter from her endocrinologist recommending her as a candidate for surgery.

 

[JULAY]

She was seeing a counselor and was on antidepressants at the time. I wanted whatever was going to help her be better adjusted. I'm not a mental health professional or a doctor, and I trusted them. She had a therapist recommending transition to help with her mental state.

She didn't DIY her hormones and she didn't doctor shop for the orchi. For the hormones she had a letter from her therapist recommending that an endocrinologist prescribe HRT for transition. For her vital records to be changed she had a letter from her endocrinologist stating she was undergoing appropriate therapy for transition. For the orchi, she had a new letter from her therapist and a letter from her endocrinologist recommending her as a candidate for surgery.

If that's the case, your partner was done a grave disservice by people who should have done a more robust mental health assessment to determine the root cause of her issues. May I ask if her gender dysphoria presented itself in any other ways than jealousy over her perception of the social standing of women?

 

[Chan the Wizard]

And those doctors never thought to address the substance abuse or severe underlying mental illness?
If I'm reading it right, it took about a year to go from hormones to complete ball removal, all the while suffering from obvious problems that the doctors never addressed.

Edit: I'm not blaming people around her, you can't be responsible for another adult's decisions. I just can't believe these doctors overlooked such obvious problems.

 

[AnOminous]

And those doctors never thought to address the substance abuse or severe underlying mental illness?
If I'm reading it right, it took about a year to go from hormones to complete ball removal, all the while suffering from obvious problems that the doctors never addressed.

Edit: I'm not blaming people around her, you can't be responsible for another adult's decisions. I just can't believe these doctors overlooked such obvious problems.

These days any doctors who do what a real medical professional would do, and actually exercise medical discretion, get driven out of the profession by batshit crazy trannies. The result is a bunch of quacks who just rubber stamp whatever some drooling psycho who comes in says they want. Cut your cock off? Sure, here's some pills and a scrip for Dr. Chopdick.

 

[repentance]

She was seeing a counselor and was on antidepressants at the time. I wanted whatever was going to help her be better adjusted. I'm not a mental health professional or a doctor, and I trusted them. She had a therapist recommending transition to help with her mental state.

She didn't DIY her hormones and she didn't doctor shop for the orchi. For the hormones she had a letter from her therapist recommending that an endocrinologist prescribe HRT for transition. For her vital records to be changed she had a letter from her endocrinologist stating she was undergoing appropriate therapy for transition. For the orchi, she had a new letter from her therapist and a letter from her endocrinologist recommending her as a candidate for surgery.

Do you know if the therapist was attached to an informed consent clinic?

 

[Guy Smiley]

(I read your threads, I know you think I'm an unfit parent. But I'm trying, okay? And my therapist says I'm doing a fine job.)

Hey, don't take the stuff people say on this site too seriously, okay? Most of it is dumb jokes or posturing. None of us are in any place to judge your parenting. I literally didn't know that you existed twenty minutes ago. You don't have to defend your parenting to us.

I'm sorry for your loss, and hope that with time, this wound will at least begin to heal.

 

[buffaloWildWings]

According to the company she kept, everything is just fine

Still no donations from Greta and translifeline to the cremation site.
More money from kiwifarms than from Elizabeth's so called friends.

 

[Manapan]

If that's the case, your partner was done a grave disservice by people who should have done a more robust mental health assessment to determine the root cause of her issues. May I ask if her gender dysphoria presented itself in any other ways than jealousy over her perception of the social standing of women?

It did. She grew her hair out long before I met her. She strongly disliked her facial and body hair. She hated pretty much anything that had to do with masculine roles and presentations. She always said that given a choice she'd have been a girl. She just didn't know until stumbling across some trans subreddits that transition was an option. She said she had always thought that people who transitioned got breast implants and bottom surgery and nothing else was possible. Once she knew that hormone therapy was involved and that people reported it improved their moods, she wanted it.

 

[repentance]

Once she knew that hormone therapy was involved and that people reported it improved their moods, she wanted it.

Did it improve her moods more than temporarily, because it sounds like there was a real downward mental health spiral over the last couple of years.

 

[Manapan]

And those doctors never thought to address the substance abuse or severe underlying mental illness?
If I'm reading it right, it took about a year to go from hormones to complete ball removal, all the while suffering from obvious problems that the doctors never addressed.

Edit: I'm not blaming people around her, you can't be responsible for another adult's decisions. I just can't believe these doctors overlooked such obvious problems.

I hate to say anything negative about her since she's gone. But she had a... let's say... unique talent for giving out only the information she wanted people to have. She had severe social anxiety and didn't like to see any medical doctors unless she was accompanied. I know when I was the person accompanying her she rarely admitted the extent of her alcohol use and only once did she ever mention using drugs.

In the months since we separated we were still in frequent contact. I would read her posts on Facebook where she talked about being suicidal, having hallucinations, mixing Klonopin and alcohol, etc. I'd message her to ask if she was safe and if her therapeutic team knew. She'd always tell me it wasn't any of their business. I'd report it to the agency in charge of her mental health care and hope for the best. Maybe I should have been calling in safety checks, but if I had done that she'd have blocked me from the post audience. I needed that information to know when she wasn't healthy enough for me to bring Tatoe over for visits.

 

[JULAY]

It did. She grew her hair out long before I met her. She strongly disliked her facial and body hair. She hated pretty much anything that had to do with masculine roles and presentations. She always said that given a choice she'd have been a girl. She just didn't know until stumbling across some trans subreddits that transition was an option. She said she had always thought that people who transitioned got breast implants and bottom surgery and nothing else was possible. Once she knew that hormone therapy was involved and that people reported it improved their moods, she wanted it.

In your opinion, was the HRT and associated processes something that helped to alleviate her issues? Did she seem happier and/or more stable after she had gone through the treatment? Also, while I'm asking, to your knowledge, did she ever get professional help for her substance abuse problems?

 

[Manapan]

Do you know if the therapist was attached to an informed consent clinic?

We don't have an informed consent clinic available; the area is so rural that to even make it to the endo who required a letter of recommendation is a 4 hour drive one way. The therapist she was seeing had never seen a transgender patient before and had to do quite a bit of research before she was comfortable treating Lizzy. Lizzy found her endo through a recommendation from a trans woman who is very active in advocacy in SD.

Did it improve her moods more than temporarily, because it sounds like there was a real downward mental health spiral over the last couple of years.

I ask myself that every day. I asked her that several times. She always said that the hormones made her into herself and she was better than before, but that it is just a shitty lot in life to be trans and the extra stress was making her worse.

 

[JULAY]

Maybe I should have been calling in safety checks, but if I had done that she'd have blocked me from the post audience. I needed that information to know when she wasn't healthy enough for me to bring Tatoe over for visits.

You shouldn't beat yourself up over your partner's mental illness. You were just being a good parent as best as you knew how to your child. There's no blame and nothing wrong with that.

 

[Manapan]

In your opinion, was the HRT and associated processes something that helped to alleviate her issues? Did she seem happier and/or more stable after she had gone through the treatment? Also, while I'm asking, to your knowledge, did she ever get professional help for her substance abuse problems?

At first, yes. She was so much better than I had ever seen her. Mentally stable, happy, not using drugs, barely drinking, employed full time and actually enjoying it. It was like I'd gotten a spouse upgrade. After a while things crashed and I didn't recognize her anymore -- not as the person I had married and also not as the person who that person had turned into.

And the closest thing she ever had to professional help for substance abuse was chemical dependency group while she was inpatient in behavioral health. After I kicked her out of the house, she joined Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-Anon. She attended regularly for a couple of months before she stopped going to meetings. As far as I know she was still using their self help books. She carried the ACoA workbook with her practically everywhere.

 

[repentance]

I ask myself that every day. I asked her that several times. She always said that the hormones made her into herself and she was better than before, but that it is just a shitty lot in life to be trans and the extra stress was making her worse.

I ask because it's something I've seen before - hormones alone helped mental state and made people more able to deal with their shit but then they felt pressured by the trans community to continue further down the transition path. Some trans communities are more aggressive about it than others.

 

[JULAY]

At first, yes. She was so much better than I had ever seen her. Mentally stable, happy, not using drugs, barely drinking, employed full time and actually enjoying it. It was like I'd gotten a spouse upgrade. After a while things crashed and I didn't recognize her anymore -- not as the person I had married and also not as the person who that person had turned into.

And the closest thing she ever had to professional help for substance abuse was chemical dependency group while she was inpatient in behavioral health. After I kicked her out of the house, she joined Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-Anon. She attended regularly for a couple of months before she stopped going to meetings. As far as I know she was still using their self help books. She carried the ACoA workbook with her practically everywhere.

How long was the interval between her improvement with HRT and her downward spiral? And did she just stick with Al-Anon and ACoA or attend AA meetings?

 

[Manapan]

How long was the interval between her improvement with HRT and her downward spiral? And did she just stick with Al-Anon and ACoA or attend AA meetings?

She never went to AA.

Thinking back, I'd say she had five good months after getting hormones before she started to spiral. Month six she started drinking again (she had to stop to get her hormones prescribed due to early stage alcoholic liver damage, but blood work showed it had reversed itself then). Month seven was her first suicide attempt and when her brother-in-law committed suicide. Month eight her mood picked up but uh, mostly because she had found herself a girlfriend. I was upset about that and made them break up. Month nine was mixed; she was happy about our vow renewal but my grandfather and our pet both died that month. Months ten and eleven were pretty low. One year and she was in the mental hospital voluntarily. Month thirteen I was in the mental hospital and she found a new partner to help her cope while I was in there. Which pissed me off and put a huge wedge between us; it was really the beginning of the end of our relationship. So things went downhill fast. You can't just abandon a person with BPD.

 

[JULAY]

[

Month thirteen I was in the mental hospital and she found a new partner to help her cope while I was in there. Which pissed me off and put a huge wedge between us; it was really the beginning of the end of our relationship. So things went downhill fast. You can't just abandon a person with BPD.

Sounds like you both had a rough time with it.