My favorite ever cat is dying and I hate it. He's 16, so he's had a good long life, but I'm not ready to say goodbye.
He started having heavier breathing two nights ago, and hid some yesterday so I took him to the vet. Now, he's had a lot of vet visits for treatment of stomatitis so he's pretty spicy at the vets. But he cooperated very nicely with an exam and xray.
He's got fluid in his chest, right where cats like to get cancer. They said it's probably days I have left with him, so I decided to put him to sleep yesterday.
Except he got really spicy and they couldn't even shave his leg for the catheter. So I brought him home. He's hid a lot of the day but he came out to demand cuddles and to watch the birds in the front yard. He's obviously not ready to go either, but I know it's just a matter of time. I feel blessed that I was given a chance to really say goodbye, but I hate this limbo. In some ways I wish it was over, but I'm also not ready.
I ran across this picture of him as a baby a few hours ago and haven't been able to stop crying since. I can't believe his life is almost over. I keep thinking of all the things he'll never do again and it breaks my heart. He's had a good long life, he knows he's loved, and has had arthritis for a while now. I'll be glad he's out of pain, but I'll always miss him.
(My floor isn't dirty here, the varnish on the wood is all scuffed up and damaged from really hard use)
Hug your babies. It's always over too soon.