Corrupt-a-Wish

[Zorceror44]

You forget your own voice. Now you can't call anyone on the phone anymore because they'll always think you're someone else.

I wish Lego sets were as affordable as they used to be.

As Lego sets get more affordable, more Lego sets are made. This requires more plastic, inevitably resulting in a worldwide plastic shortage.

I wish that I had all the powers of every superhero combined.

 

[Abethedemon]

As Lego sets get more affordable, more Lego sets are made. This requires more plastic, inevitably resulting in a worldwide plastic shortage.

I wish that I had all the powers of every superhero combined.

You have every single superpower, but this also includes every weakness, so you can't do a thing without running into something that turns your powers off.
I wish I was done with my final assignment.

 

[Trombonista]

You have every single superpower, but this also includes every weakness, so you can't do a thing without running into something that turns your powers off.
I wish I was done with my final assignment.

You get a C.

I wish for a jar of North Carolina barbecue sauce.

 

[Lady Houligan]

You get a C.

I wish for a jar of North Carolina barbecue sauce.

It arrives and is actually Sweet Baby Ray's. You have been tricked.

I wish my son's diapers were filled with spare change instead of poops.

 

[Abethedemon]

your son cuts himself on the spare change, and then he eats it.
I wish I had an idea for an edgy fanficiton I want to write.

 

[Trombonista]

I actually like Sweet Baby Ray's, so I'll assume it's the regular and not Sweet Vidalia Onion.

your son cuts himself on the spare change, and then he eats it.
I wish I had an idea for an edgy fanficiton I want to write.

You post it on fanfiction.net. Some other tryhard accuses you of plagiarism and has their friends mass-report your fic, getting it removed.

I wish I could get my sister to help me clean our closet.

 

[Zorceror44]

I actually like Sweet Baby Ray's, so I'll assume it's the regular and not Sweet Vidalia Onion.

You post it on fanfiction.net. Some other tryhard accuses you of plagiarism and has their friends mass-report your fic, getting it removed.

I wish I could get my sister to help me clean our closet.

While she does clean your closet, it becomes all that she ever does. She eventually dies from a mixture of sleep deprivation, dehydration, and hunger. But hey, at least your closet is clean. But you are still going to have to explain to the authorities as to why there is a rotting dead girl in your closet.

I wish that I had a special laser that could turn feces into gold.

 

[Picklechu]

While she does clean your closet, it becomes all that she ever does. She eventually dies from a mixture of sleep deprivation, dehydration, and hunger. But hey, at least your closet is clean. But you are still going to have to explain to the authorities as to why there is a rotting dead girl in your closet.

I wish that I had a special laser that could turn feces into gold.

You accidentally turn your own feces into gold and die of a bowel obstruction.

I wish that I had a pizza with all of the toppings that I like--no more, no less--and that has nothing wrong with it whatsoever right now.

 

[Trombonista]

You accidentally turn your own feces into gold and die of a bowel obstruction.

I wish that I had a pizza with all of the toppings that I like--no more, no less--and that has nothing wrong with it whatsoever right now.

The soda you have with it expired five years ago, so you get diarrhea anyway.

I wish I had some buffalo wing-flavored popcorn.

 

[Picklechu]

You try to eat it while spinning, causing you to choke on it.

I wish that Chris would make a new video.

 

[Lady Houligan]

You try to eat it while spinning, causing you to choke on it.

I wish that Chris would make a new video.

It's horrifying, deeply scarring porn, and for whatever reason he makes it just for you. You spend years and countless dollars on therapy.

I wish that the person who everyone wants fired from my company would be told to GTFO already.

 

[Abethedemon]

It's horrifying, deeply scarring porn, and for whatever reason he makes it just for you. You spend years and countless dollars on therapy.

I wish that the person who everyone wants fired from my company would be told to GTFO already.

He gets fired, but someone even worse comes in
I wish I had sorcerous powers

 

[grilledcheesesandwich]

I wish I had sorcerous powers

A group of crazy religious people find out about your magic powers and burn you alive for being a witch.
I wish I had a time-travel machine.

 

[Abethedemon]

A group of crazy religious people find out about your magic powers and burn you alive for being a witch.
I wish I had a time-travel machine.

You travel through time but upset one minor thing in history and the universe changes for the worse.
I wish I had more money to start playing Warhammer again.

 

[DoshesToDoshes]

You travel through time but upset one minor thing in history and the universe changes for the worse.
I wish I had more money to start playing Warhammer again.

You now have enough money to play Warhammer again, but you only have just enough and are broke if you do so.
I wish I was a Beetle.

 

[Lady Houligan]

You're the fifth one they cut from the lineup just before they went huge.

I wish I had another Arnold Palmer.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

You're the fifth one they cut from the lineup just before they went huge.

I wish I had another Arnold Palmer.

The Arnold Palmer clone is not as good at golf as the original, he cannot pay his share of the rent.

I wish I had an online subscription to the Oxford English Dictionary.

 

[AnOminous]

The Arnold Palmer clone is not as good at golf as the original, he cannot pay his share of the rent.

I wish I had an online subscription to the Oxford English Dictionary.

You did. Several years ago. You have fond memories of looking things up in it.

I wish I had a codfish sandwich with Bookbinder's tartar sauce on it.

 

[Lady Houligan]

You did. Several years ago. You have fond memories of looking things up in it.

I wish I had a codfish sandwich with Bookbinder's tartar sauce on it.

You have it within moments of thinking of it. Unfortunately it's several weeks old.

I wish I had a second monitor for my home computer.

 

[DoshesToDoshes]

You have it within moments of thinking of it. Unfortunately it's several weeks old.

I wish I had a second monitor for my home computer.

Spoiler: You now have a second monitor

lizard.

I wish I was a bodybuilder.