Completely Useless Superpowers

[AnOminous]

You can turn into a statue.

And that's it. You can't turn back. You're then an inanimate object and that's it.

 

[kūhaku]

Control your eyelash growth at will

Mind control plants

Butterfly wings, the size that butterflies get

 

[A Useless Fish]

Turning invisible, but only when no one is looking at you.

 

[shapelesswaste]

you can view your own future at any time but immediately forget what you've seen once returning to the present, resulting in constant deja vu

 

[deodorant]

Aquaman, but with cerebral palsy instead of fish.

 

[WarJams]

Frankensense.

I mean, what is even the point of being able to sense Frankenstein? Seems pretty one dimensional.

 

[Where Do You Find Them?]

The ability to understand what animals are saying.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"

 

[Smug Chuckler]

MELTMAN, with the power to MELT

 

[Rokko]

Being immune to alcohol.

 

[Marco Fucko]

Everything you touch turns to gold.

 

[Niggernerd]

running at the speed of sound.
I'm just going to the bathroom then back to my compooter.

 

[AnOminous]

The ability to know what temperature it is in any zip code by thinking about it really hard for 10 minutes.

 

[Wish I knew]

You become invisible but you can’t interact with anything

 

[ANF]

Turning into statue is a decent ability, you could do this on your deathbed to save your family some money on proper memorial(and it's not like they would get you a statue otherwise).

 

[skiddlez]

Everything you touch turns to gold.

you could wear gloves and it'd still be worth something the few times you use it. or you could use the power for a short period of time, exchange the gold for a non-gold backed currency, and then turn everything to gold just to fuck everyone over now that all your money is in Bitcoin™ or whatever

You become invisible but you can’t interact with anything

useful for hiding still. you'd be the world's best thief

 

[Marco Fucko]

you could wear gloves and it'd still be worth something the few times you use it. or you could use the power for a short period of time, exchange the gold for a non-gold backed currency, and then turn everything to gold just to fuck everyone over now that all your money is in Bitcoin™ or whatever

No. Everything you touch turns to gold.
The package for the gloves? Gold.
Your dog when you want to pet it? Gold.
Your loved ones after being hugged? Gold.
Your nose when it itches? Gold.
Your dick when you want to take a piss? Gold.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

The ability to adjust the viscosity of your saliva.

 

[Smug Chuckler]

You're touching the air, it turns into gold

 

[Marco Fucko]

You're touching the air, it turns into gold

tfw you realize King Midas would realistically bring about the end of the world or at least whatever city he's in

 

[Slimy Time]

The ability to set yourself alight on fire. That is all, you don't get any of the secondary powers for it to be cool. The most you can do is your best Vietnamese monk impression.

Literally any superpower with none of the prerequisite secondary abilities to make it work.

>Read minds - Can't turn it off or have the mental capacity to endure the bombardment.

>Superhuman strength- can't turn it off ever, become a walking disaster and killing zone.

>Super speed, but have neither the ability to resist those speeds or the mental processing/visual ability to keep up, watch yourself splat into a red stain on the first wall you come across, or break all the bones in your body when you try to stop.

The list can go on.