- Registrado
- 22 de Jul, 2015
Idea for a game: we all offer our prophecies for 2017. Good, bad, weird, incidental, cynical, amusing. After all, it's still February and already things are incredibly fucked up all over the world. And not the usual fucked up either, this is what you get when you combine climate change, the threat of global economic collapse, the rise of Islam and Social Justice, the internet, the death of a major star from the Star Wars franchise, Malcolm Turnbull and some incredibly weird shit going on in China and Russia.
Each new prophecy will be edited into this post, and if/when it comes true, it'll be crossed out, we'll all go out and buy some sauce, and then sit around on chat or something while we all get shitfaced together.
FALSE (thank god) 1. Some sort of minor military skirmish with the Chinese in the South China Sea's disputed territories, most likely with Indonesia and/or Malaysia. @glass_houses
FALSE (North Korea is keeping them distracted) 2. By the end of 2017 there will be something very much like a Cold War going on between the entire world against China or Russia. @glass_houses
SORT OF TRUE (there were indeed riots, but comparatively small ones) 3. There will be full scale riots in Germany when one too many rape and murder is committed by rapefugees, and the German population finally says, "Fuck this don't-be-racist shit!" Military intervention may well be needed, and worldwide hand wringing will be incessant for at least a decade. @glass_houses
FALSE (just ask cousin Jim-Bob, he'll tell you that they're friendly with all the visitors in town) 4. Some exceptional individual branch of murikun SJWs gets it into their tiny brains to march on one of those incredibly economically depressed small towns who voted for Trump, to show them the error of their racist ways. There will be a single short scream, a merciless twanging of many banjos, and the SJWs will never be seen again. @glass_houses
SCHRÖDINGER'S CAT (last appearance in a YouTube video posted at the beginning of August) 5. Bubba will completely disappear from Rain Florence's various social media accounts. His absence will never be explained or even acknowledged. @glass_houses
TRUE (hands up anyone who's genuinely surprised) 6. Ashley Isaacs will still be alive when November rolls around. @glass_houses
FALSE (there is surely a cosmic, mystical, magical connection between herself and Ashleigh; Ashleigh stays alive because Tammy psychically provides her with the energy she needs to cling onto life, and the energy that Ashleigh takes is just enough to keep Tammy below the deadline) 7. Tammy Slaton will not be alive past June. @glass_houses
FALSE (it's a rare sliver of light in the world when a lolcow doesn't take an obvious opportunity to be an arsehole) 8. Hayley Mandel will pretend to commit suicide at least once. @glass_houses
FALSE (thank god) 9. An Australian politician will survive an assassin attempt. Any bystanders stating that they heard the assailant scream, "Allah Akbar!" will crucified by the worldwide media and condemned by the police for instigating hate crimes against Muslims. @glass_houses
FALSE (what's black and white and red all over?) 10. Gonna Make America White Again. @ICametoLurk
WORKING ON IT (significant progress made towards it) 11. Increasing tension between North Korea and just about every other country in the world, building up to full blown war in the next two or three years. @Syaoran Li
FALSE (do you think that they just decided not to buy a coffee maker after the fire?) 12. Barb probably won't make it this year @Zach_Kun
TRUE (fffffffffuck) 13. Duterte will still be slaughtering people by the end of the year. @WireSponge
TRUE 14. Null will unexpectedly remove the hiatus on U.S. politics in Articles & Happenings @WireSponge
TRUE (how many would you like?) 15. A big event will happen that will lead to a big chimpout in the right/alt right @muina
FALSE (thank god) 16. A terrorist/major riot will happen in a major us city @muina
FALSE (but points for effort. January: two shootings, Ohio and Washington; March: one in California; April: another in California; May: one in Texas; September: two shootings, one in Texas, another in Illinois; November: one in California; December: one in New Mexico) 17. There will be at least ten school shootings @FemalePresident
FALSE (they've missed a trick there) 18. Feminist denounces the term "black hole" as racist and misogynistic. @Positron
FALSE (they're in their mid nineties, but they are persistently persisting) 19. Betty White or Bob Barker will die. If Betty White dies, the entire world will lose its shit. If Bob Barker dies, Tumblrinas and Twitter tards are going to ignore his blatant sexual misconduct to bitch about how his "Please spay or neuter your pets" schtick is actually right wing fascism and he's actually an animal abuser. @Bitch I Might Be
FALSE (good) 20. American economic recession sparked by overvalued stocks and a housing market bubble. @feedtheoctopus
TRUE (she left him) 21. Leanna will cuck DSP @Ravelord
WHICH PHIL? 22. Phil will go to prison @hood LOLCOW
FALSE (they've called a temporary truce because it's much more fun to kich back and watch the humans fuck themselves over in increasingly complicated and ridiculous ways) 23. Lizard people will wage a war against Jews and the Illuminati @hood LOLCOW (this is sort of already true; the war between the Lizard people and the Illuminati has been going on for years with no end in sight. I personally blame global warming, the chia craze and Malcolm Turnbull for that. All in all, I'll keep this on the list, but still have a small nip of rum in acknowledgement)
FALSE (ten million of them sold worldwide; not too shabby) 24. Nintendo Switch is a borderline flop. @Elwood P. Dowd
FALSE: (PS4 Pro 14 million units sold worldwide; XBox still unreleased) 25. Ditto the XBox Scorpio/PS4 Pro, though I don't think we'll see either for Holidays 2017. @Elwood P. Dowd
DUNNO: (motion sickness is a bitch so gaming isn't my thing. More knowledgeable Kiwis, please let us know) 26. XBox "wins" Generation 8.5/9/whatever you want to call this iteration of consoles (though even their sales will be disappointing. @Elwood P. Dowd
FALSE; FALSE; TRUE; FALSE (no one gives much of a shit about Black Blocs because BLM is much more frightening; Congress is preoccupied with BLM; the social climate is terrifyingly volatile and no one seems to know exactly what they're twitchy over, they're just twitchy in general; I've not seen any mention of forming a formal SJW party, but please correct me if I'm wrong) 27. The Black Bloc will continue to shit up protests. The Congress and other parties will toss about the idea of tarring them with the "Domestic Terrorist" brush. Meanwhile the "protests" will get ever more violent and attract more Gender Studies and Social Justice students and they will kick about forming their own political party. This will come to naught. @Maiden-TieJuan
FALSE (it's far too much organisation and effort to make a counter group) 28. Eventually, people will get sick of them shiting up every event they attend, and a group will form specifically to stop the Black Bloc from rioting/enciting people to riot, an Anti Black Bloc if you will. After that, there will be an eventual protest where the two groups clash spectacularly, with quite a bit of violence. Black Bloc will ultimately lose. @Maiden-TieJuan
Well, here we are in 2018. All in all, the world is shit but not nearly as shit as predicted. How about we crack out the Baron Samedi and celebrate?
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