children are assholes - what's the worst kid stories you have

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Cake Farts

Cake Farts

Back from the grave boogioogioyyoi
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kiwifarms.net
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12 de Feb, 2017
I need proof kids are little butts so I don't have to make 5 of them. Can be about any kid as long as it ain't bullshit.
 
Since most adults are assholes, it makes sense for their miniature versions to be assholes as well.
 
I used to dress my younger brother like a woman and try to trick the other boys into thinking he was my sister. On a side note he did end up meeting his boyfriend 15 years into the future that way. ;)
 
you could always avoid having kids by remembering that there's a high likelihood that your doctor will have to choose between letting your vagina tear or cutting it open himself during childbirth, and that either of these options will leave you with a permanently crippled vagina.

Or if you're a dude, you could always remember that your wife/gf/lady friend will shit herself during childbirth and will likely have issues with incontinence for weeks after giving birth. Congrats. Is it really worth it?
 
Ho-lee chit, do I have some stories from work about shitty kids. Now, this is probably best left in the Tales From Retail thread, but fuck it.

I work at a pizza place that still has a buffet during the week. For some reason, this turns the children that some of our patrons bring with them into insufferable hellspawn. Some of them like to run around the restaurant like it's a playground, some drop whole pieces of pizza on the carpet, and others like to go in the bathroom and smear shit on the walls. Like, actual shit. Chalk it up to either bad parenting or potentially exceptional children, but more and more I'm finding myself turned off from having children in the future.

Also, I wasn't much better when I was little, either. I recall one time where a friend and I stomped all over some of my dad's guitar equipment (cables, pedals, etc.) and ended up wrecking a few of the cables. Kids are shits.
 
I used to work as a lifeguard at a cabana club a couple years back.
Now, this cabana club was right smack in the middle of rich liberal hippie suburbia, filled with upper middle classed cucks and their electric cars who always try to keep out "Hate Speech" and "Facist pigs".

Back on topic, this cabana club that i worked for had a 4th of july party, with a parade that allowed children to go the speed of a snail behind a fire truck. So on the 4th of july, there was basically full on peace and quiet for a good 15 minutes. That is until the fire truck completes a full loop around the neighborhood.

Just picture this: Spoiled brats and their 'Patriotic' bicycles trampling over eachother at the opened gates, racing and fighting each other for a spot on the tiny as fuck bike rack.

Add in the soccer moms yelling profanities at each other after a spoiled brat does anything negative to their 'Little Angels' and white boys who say they were 'Raised in the hood' even though they live in one of the most affluent communities in America, all thanks to beta male banker daddy and their dumb as fuck (But kinda hot) soccer mother, and you get an accurate picture of what happened every 4th of july.

I remember this one time where the party was almost cancelled prematurely, because one fat kid thought it was a good idea to hop right into the deep pool after eating not 1 or 2, not even 4, But 5 hotdogs, decked out with condiments. Luckly, he didnt vomit into the pool, but into someones purse. During the cake walk, the DJ stopped to let one of my co workers to ask about who vomited into her purse. The fat kid did not respond, until another kid decided to rat him out, the fat kid earning himself a life time ban from the cabana club.

This was back in 2013. I have not been there since.
 
Kids puke on my shoes at work a lot. I blame the stupid parents that let their spawn eat spicy Doritos when their chief complaint is nausea.
 
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