Best thing to do for hemorrhoids?

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

My... friend of a friend... has some nasty roids. What should xe do?

 

[Moths]

Kill yourself

 

[if the light takes us]

Pop them with your fingers.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Poop harder.

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

Poop harder.

I'm pooping as hard as I can, Captain!!!

 

[Vect]

Outside, boiling water, alcohol, sharp knife, hot towel. Inside, water, soft starches, fruit pulp for a few weeks.

Abstain from buttsex if at all possible.

 

[Shamefur Dispray]

Kill your friend's friend, it's the only way to make sure.

 

[Shig O'nella]

Take them out for dinner. Maybe catch a movie afterwards.

 

[NeroRisotto]

Have a black guy cure it with his penis

 

[Divine right to rule]

how about washing your ass?

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

take your friend to canada and get some of thier healthcare

 

[Slav Power]

Go to the pharmacy and ask for something for hemorrhoids.

 

[Rozzy]

Remove the hemorrhoids using a cheese grater.

 

[Dysnomia]

I saw this thing in a catalog once. I'm pretty sure it was just a butt plug. But it was being advertised as something you chill and stick up your ass to relieve hemorrhoids. Maybe it actually works?

 

[Lokenstien]

don't get'em.

 

[JethroTullamore]

Oh boy, I’ve had this problem my whole life, outside of preparation H and trying to use a stool softener until it subsides, you could go to a Dr. I haven’t done that because having a dude poking around your butt is gay, so you just gonna grin and bear it.

It’ll go from steady bleeding, and itching to extreme pain, you’ll be scared to shit it’ll hurt so much, try tucks pads too, if it’s an external one, if it’s internal you can use preparation H…..but really just try not to strain, let the poo just slide out.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

Seek out the mystical anus of Trent, it has the answers

 

[TheBallPit]

As someone who has experienced several excrutiating thrombosed events, excision and removal is the best/only option. Don't mess with the rubber bands and don't bother with the creams, as they won't do anything. Just get to a colo-rectal doctor ASAP for the in-office procedure, as these things can go nuclear in well under 24 hours, at which point you'll be in the ER with what feels like a white-hot jagged piece of shrapnel trying to tear through your rectum (I've been there).

If this isn't your only one, for the love of God, get a bidet, as you do NOT want to wipe in order to clean your ass when these horrors appear.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

How does a person even get hemorrhoids, by eating a lot of cheese and taking vicodin then trying to crap? I thought it mostly comes from straining.

I think I'd consider going with the above person's suggestion to just ask a doctor, then consider trying to be less fat and/or constipated.

 

[DankSmoker]

I've heard that donuts are helpful. Eat a dozen and report back.