Asshole Things You Do

[Night Terror]

i eat kit-kats without breaking them first

 

[Doctor Professor Timon]

Take anything said literally. Not because I'm oblivious, it's just I prefer people to tell me things rather than beat around the bush.

Fastest way to lose my attention is add in unneeded things in a conversation. So, I return rhetoricals with literal responses and so forth. Pisses people off.

 

[Pikonic]

So it's like an autistic newspaper now?

I run the advice column, "Dear Pikonic"

 

[Overcast]

I find myself griefing people in online games occasionally.

For example, in Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate I go on these LV. 140 guild quest hunts with three other people, I run towards the monster, and instead of attacking I whip out the cooking spit and start making well done meat the entire time.

I created pre made messages such as "Cooking some meat" and "Want some?" and spam it in the chat.

I would also drop explosive barrels while everyone else was trying to attack a trapped monster, and I would also purposely fail mounts.

Usually, this all results in people abandoning the hunt. After that, I would spend a little while longer in the hunt as I need to have also left the hunt for them to kick me.

It was pretty fun for a while. Definitely gave me a reason to keep playing after 300 hours.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I used to go onto Omegle and heckle random people in Klingon. Sometimes I would just type in English pretending to be a Klingon. I'd tell them they were dishonorable and that their mother has a smooth forehead. At some point I had a hilarious dialogue with a guy who wanted to cyber. He told me he was a 6 foot tall well-shaved male from the Netherlands and that he wanted to have an erotic chat. I told him I was a 7 foot tall Klingon from Q'onoS with a very ridged forehead and that we were planning an attack on Starfleet in 3 weeks.

He disconnected after I offered him some gagh.

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

I like to fuck with telemarketers. I once told one that they were triggering me, and then I just started screaming and hung up the phone.

 

[sm0t]

When I used to work in my only food service job ever about ten years ago, I spat a loogie into one guy's tuna sub because he pissed me off by constantly bitching over how slow I was in making his food even though he was third in the queue and I was the only food preparer during that shift.* I was getting over a cold at the time.

* It was a shitty hole-in-the-wall sub shop in a local mall that was always run by angry immigrants, maybe I'll share more stories elsewhere if the opportunity arises.

 

[John Titor]

I did some damage to a guy's car because he's been pissing me off since I got to High School. Let's just say it would take more than water and soap to clean off my mess...

 

[Sonic Speed Monkey]

Back at one of my old jobs, I used to pin random cut-out pictures of Nicolas Cage in my co-workers' cubicles at least twice a week. The co-worker was chosen at random, and I'd use like ten different pictures each time, putting them everywhere around their desks. Every Monday when we had our meetings, our team leader never said anything about it, even when I'd do it to her desk. I'm pretty sure she knew it was me, but I think she didn't care enough to tell me to stop. I think my manager was the only one who ever brought it up to me, and even she didn't tell me to cut it out. In fact, she thought it was funny.

There was one girl I worked with who kept the pictures up, so I just kept adding to her collection when it was her turn to receive the Cage.

 

[The Fair Lady]

Sometimes I'll ignore someone who's messaged me online just because I'm not in the mood to talk. This can go on for several weeks, which usually results in me getting spammed by more messages from them. When I do eventually get around to answering them I act all sorry and pretend that I've been busy. It's kind of a bad habit.

 

[SP 199]

I screwed a guys toolbox to the roof once

 

[ChuckSlaughter]

1. Post on kiwi farums​
2. Without checking if someome already made the same post​
3. even if I'm alredy sure theyu did​
4. never fix speling erorrs ever​
5. Richtext awbuse​
6. Tahoma master front​

 

[GS 281]

I post on a regional radio message board where professionals discuss radio. There is a discussion board for political discussion. I pose as a bible-thumping Rush Limbaugh conservative. I have gotten local radio hosts, owners of stations in the state and writers of local news to engage in extreme right-wing speech that basically has made them look like Sovereign Citizens among their peers. Their own peers who know their personal information have called them out multiple times for the extreme positions I have angled them to take on abortion, the president and taxation, dropping powerwords and where they work in the process. It got so bad that one radio host from the western part of the state threatened to drive across the state to meet with a producer from the eastern part of the state.

 

[Cute Anime Girl]

If you ask anyone who's ridden passenger with me behind the wheel, I apparently drive like an asshole. The reality is everyone else just drives too fucking slow. If I can go 50MPH safely in a 30MPH zone I will.

 

[nad7155]

I like to fuck with telemarketers.

That's not being an asshole, that's justice.

Seriously, I know most of these people are just doing a job, but fuck it.

One thing I did until a few months ago was fuck with people who insist on cutting lanes in heavy traffic.

Some tard would ride my ass when I have cars in front of me. They would swing to the other lane and I would speed up so they could not pass.

I stopped doing that when I realized some people don't care about a crash.

EDIT.

On the highway I will move over if there is room.

If I am in the left lane going 80 I will move for someone going faster if it's safe.

 

[Teddy]

I never hold doors. Unless they're the elderly.

 

[FemaleGoodra]

Back at one of my old jobs, I used to pin random cut-out pictures of Nicolas Cage in my co-workers' cubicles at least twice a week. The co-worker was chosen at random, and I'd use like ten different pictures each time, putting them everywhere around their desks. Every Monday when we had our meetings, our team leader never said anything about it, even when I'd do it to her desk. I'm pretty sure she knew it was me, but I think she didn't care enough to tell me to stop. I think my manager was the only one who ever brought it up to me, and even she didn't tell me to cut it out. In fact, she thought it was funny.

There was one girl I worked with who kept the pictures up, so I just kept adding to her collection when it was her turn to receive the Cage.

That reminds me of what I did to one of my cousins one Christmas: I put his gift in a box, then added two water bottles to make it seem like the gift was something heavier, and packed it with pictures of Nicolas Cage.

 

[melty]

I waited until my boyfriend was near the end of the Wheel of Time series to tell him that Robert Jordan died and didn't finish it (this was awhile before the new one came out). I also let him go to the first Hobbit movie thinking it was going to be the only one, and got away with convincing him there were only going to be two Hobbit movies for about a year but he eventually figured it out. He was really confused at the end of the first one, it was funny.

 

[Coster]

I work retail. Normally I'm pretty patient and optimistic around customers, but this lady made me mad. I was rushing off to the bathroom because I was having a bad nose bleed, and this woman tries to stop me like I don't have blood leaking out of my face. I asked a coworker to help her out, told the customer that I was having a bloody nose, and when I came back the coworker told me the lady was pissed at me. (???)

So, went up to the front of the store, and I was the main cashier. I was ringing up this customer that had a lot of items and figuring out whether or not he wanted to buy them, and that customer was next in line. It was almost 10 minutes helping this guy before I felt like I made her wait enough and called for a backup cashier to open another lane.

tl;dr be nice to retail people, I and most of my coworkers work very hard to make people happy with their shopping experience, and if you fuck with us we're going to fuck with you right back without you realizing we're doing it on purpose.

 

[fishercat]

I would frequently raid my sibling's Halloween candy stash. I'm living on the edge.