Are You A Groomer? 9 Things To Look For

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Oh no! Everyone's calling everyone else "groomer" and now we're all confused! Are you a groomer? Is your neighbor a groomer? Let the experts at The Babylon Bee help you sort it out. Here are all the warning signs you may be a groomer:

1. Do you talk about sex with 5-year-olds behind their parents' back?

2. Do you begin sentences with, "Don't tell your parents, but..."

3. Do you encourage kids to cut off their sex organs?

4. Are you a Disney Executive?

5. Did you quit your teaching job after they passed the Parental Rights Act in Florida?

6. Does taking other people's kids to a drag show and calling it a "field trip" seem ok to you?

7. Are you now, or have you ever been, a politician?

8. Have you ever helped a child acquire sex hormones without their parent's knowledge?

9. Does David French think you're a "blessing of liberty?"

Tally up your number of "Yes" answers and consult this chart:

1-2: Oh no! You're a groomer!

3-4: Wow. Definitely a groomer.

5-6: Yep, still groomer.

7-8: There's a Law & Order SVU episode with your name on it.

9: Ok, we're calling the police.

edit oops forgot links:

 
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Great article, I'm going to print it out and hang it up on the telephone poll so my local community can be on the look out. Always gotta be on our toes, one of our neighbors might've ran for class president in 7th grade (and won).
I feel like such a great person for being so caring for my local community.
 
I did once leave an anonymous gift on a friend’s front porch, and his teenage son caught me, so I told him not to tell his parents it was me.

I am sorry Babylon Bee.
 
my cats groom themselves...

oh no
 
If you have to look deep inside and ask yourself if you're someone who grooms kids, you're a creep who grooms kids. I didnt read the article but I think this should be pretty obvious to everyone.
 
Why does every Bee article have to lose track of their own joke? "Are you a Disney executive?" and "Are you a politician?" don't make any sense in this context, In their premise, those are people allowing 'grooming' to go unchallenged, not doing it themselves. it's just random topic association.

How about "Do you like to draw Mickey Mouse passionately kissing Donald Duck and call it activism?" and "Are there decades of pictures of you sniffing children's hair?" instead. They can't even keep their focus for ten bullet points.
 
Second-Hand Boat Supplies dijo:
Why does every Bee article have to lose track of their own joke? "Are you a Disney executive?" and "Are you a politician?" don't make any sense in this context, In their premise, those are people allowing 'grooming' to go unchallenged, not doing it themselves. it's just random topic association.

How about "Do you like to draw Mickey Mouse passionately kissing Donald Duck and call it activism?" and "Are there decades of pictures of you sniffing children's hair?" instead. They can't even keep their focus for ten bullet points.
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I mean, a bunch of Disney employees were busted for child trafficking this week or last week or something and just about every major western politician has hung out at the Epstein child rape island so, I don't think the joke's too far off.
 
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