Alright Amber, I'm locked and loaded, let's go.
So, the whole theme of this video revolves around how little Big Al cares about what other people think of her, how the "haydurs" don't get to her, and she's just the baddest bitch around. Please bear this in mind, as we'll be revisiting this theme time and again throughout this video.
The first entire two minutes of this video is Big Al, just going on and on and on about her hair, why she keeps it up, how often she bathes. For interested parties, she bathes once a day, used to wash her once a week, but has now changed into washing her hair 2/3 times a week. She proceeds to tell those nasty trolls that say "why are you always having your hair in a bun?" that she just likes having her hair up and that's the why she prefers to wear it. Big Al does not care what people think and she does not read the comments...she just opens her vlog with 2 minutes of addressing what people say about her. She also does this really weird "Hey ho everybody...what's up everybody" thing, I honestly don't really know what to make of it. Big Al then says that she's gonna go grocery shopping and then we cut to Becky and her.
I'll touch on this more later, but for wanting to be like Trisha Paytas or Shane Dawson, that whole crop of YouTube vloggers, Amber's content is just shockingly low effort. How should I start this vlog....I KNOW, I'll sit in my double wide bathroom, put up my hair and talk about dry shampoo. The people she looks up to have some sort of structure, formula, or interesting content in their vlogs..it's not just bathroom musings and grocery trips with fake accents.
We move on to see Becky and Al leaving a Hibachi style restaurant where Amber muses about how she loves leftovers and they're gonna go grocery shopping, but Becky responds with a resounding, "No, we don't need more food." Shocking. Amber agrees in her own way, but goes on to say that she enjoys grocery shopping and Becky doesn't? Are you saying Becky doesn't want to get groceries with you because she doesn't like grocery shopping? The fuck? They cut to driving to the store where they talk about Hardees and how Becky used to work there. Becky recounts a gripping tale of how she took her sister there because she wanted breakfast, but didn't have anything because eating too early in the morning makes her feel ill. Amber responds with "Relateable!" Iconic.
There's not much to say here really, again her content is just so dull and boring. It's been 4 minutes and nothing has happened.
We cut out to the next day and lo and behold, we're back in Amber's bathroom. She talks about how she got out of the habit of vlogging and updates us on her weight loss. She weighed in today at 501 lbs and how she's going back and forth between the same 3 pounds. She follows this up with a classic, "I'm just not trying right now." Yeah, we're aware. She then talks about how she gets hate and she's just gonna say it like it is and she's not fucking trying right now. She reminisces about the 30 day challenge she just stopped and how she used to do hauls but for both of those things, she just got hated on, so forget about them right.
Keeping in line with the theme of our video, Amber takes this section to just talk so much about how much hate she gets. But Big Al, I thought you didn't care about what people thought? I'll touch on this more later, but Amber doesn't seem to be able to do something because SHE wants to do it. She is constantly seeking affirmation and adulation for all of her content, weather it be Torrid hauls, showing off tacky jewelry or walking 8,000 steps around her house.
More bariatric surgery talk. She doesn't want weight loss surgery right now, saying that it can make people insanely sick and it scares her. I mean, ok? Being your weight at your height is less scary than getting a lap band installed?
Jewelry showing off. "I don't haul things anymore because people are so judgmental what others do with their money." She's really keeping with the theme here, really driving that point home that she does not care what others think. She's a black hole of self confidence and inspiration.
Is she trolling? Amber defends her self by saying how could she possibly troll us and that she's too dumb for that. "It just kind of sucks that like...my true issues...regarding like my weight and stuff...is looked at as trolling." I'll touch on this right now. Trolling implies some level of finesse or humor, with an end goal in mind. "I'm going to pretend to be a girl and get an autistic man to shove an OC sonic character medallion up his butt" is trolling. Amber's dry ass content and frustration that people don't view her as some shining beacon is not. Amber is not trolling. What she is doing is holding her weight and mental illness in front of her, like a shield, and saying, this is just me, this is who I am, I'm so raw you guys. Amber knows what get clicks, but we can see her in this video, struggling with what those clicks are worth. She might be getting 10 grand a month, but at the expense of people destroying her on the internet and I think this second bathroom talk is really all about that. She clickbaits her weight, she clickbaits setting up doctor's appointments, she clickbaits her girlfriend, too make money. She knows what gets views and she knows why people tune in, but she's not happy about it.
More talk about how she doesn't care what people think, next.
Talks about how she's just going to eat whatever she wants through the weekend but she has a brand new list of things to buy at the store on Monday so she can get back on track. In my opinion, one of the most interesting points of the entire video is right here. Amber says "I was supposed to do that today [go to the store] but I'm like no, I'm good [laughter]" WE JUST SAW Becky say no to you going to the store, granted it was the previous day. We know that going grocery shopping or getting any kind of food for you is not a one woman operation. Someone else has to be there to actually get you physically to the store. Why say it was your decision to not go to the store today when Becky basically told you yesterday, fuck no I'm not going to the grocery store and we know from later on in the vlog that Becky was never in the first place to take you because she's at the doctors?! It makes no SENSE.
Medication talk. Amber talks about how she doesn't cry anymore, how she doesn't cry at 600 lb life anymore and that her medication is making her just not give a fuck, but it's a good thing because when you just don't give a fuck anymore, you can be who you really are. Now, I'm no expert, but I very much doubt a very basic anti-depressant such as Lexapro will sap all of your ability to feel emotions, especially after being on it for such a short amount of time. Her medication should act as an enabler, clearing her mind, putting some chemicals in the right places, and allowing Amber to be whatever gorl that she wants to be. Her problem is her lackadaisical attitude, inability to set goals, and zero understanding of the person she is or who she wants to be. So, when her pill chills her the fuck out and allows her to think, she's just like...huh, this is what I am? I'm obviously reaching a TON through here, but I don't think Amber is a person that can simply take a Wellbutrin or a Lexapro or whatever and be ok. She needs her medication supplemented with heavy talk therapy and probably some type of CBT technique to really make any forward progress because she does not want too or is unable to make any forward progress herself.
A small aside, she always asks for someone to make a collage of how many times she says she's starting a new plan or getting back on track and she'll show it too her therapist when she sees them.
We're out to the kitchen and Amber just tells us she watched the bathroom clip back and wants to let us know she's not trying to be mean, she just doesn't care what people think of her anymore. Have you guys heard how little Amber cares about what people think of her? Have you guys caught onto that yet?
There's some more talk about her eye, how much she doesn't care, how she isn't trolling, etc. Largely uninteresting and unimportant. There is a funny bit where she goes in depth about how many vitamins Vitamain Water has, lmao. We watch her eat a beef jerky stick with her mouth open, riveting. People have already touched on eye gate and the protein shit in here and it's largely uninteresting to me so I'm gonna skip over it.
Amber tells us that Becky is at the doctor's handling some stuff that's been bothering her. I'm going to assume that it has something to do with Becky's alluded to depression and if so, good for her. Living in that house must be hell on earth.
Video ends with Amber eating beef jerky and talking about how she doesn't read the comments. Neat.
Alright, jesus that was a slog. I think this video is interesting for three reasons.
1) We see how fragile Amber's self image and confidence is. Its never been hard to tell that Amber is a person with a self esteem that is in the absolute gutter. From her weight issues, being dumped twice, and a myriad of other issues that I assume stem from everything ranging from her foster care upbringing to lack of YouTube content that replicates her idols, she is not happy with who she is. She spends a 19 minute long video, rambling aimlessly about how much she doesn't care about what everything everybody is saying. It's fucking bizarre, the back end of this video seems like some kind of art house film.
Amber's biggest problem is that she lacks the ability to find affirmation for her actions, within herself. All of her actions are done with the intent of garnering emotional capital from others. Whether it's in the form of positive YouTube comments or Instagram DM's her whole sense of self is based..well..outside of herself. Sure, people go to the gym to look better naked, but I think most people go to the gym ultimately, to make themselves healthier and make themselves stronger. Amber eats vegetables for one day and gets frustrated when people don't suck her ass for it. Amber should want exercise because she's dying. Sure, her "lab results" didn't indicate she's pre diabetic or has hypertension (which I doubt) but she should want to things for her, not for anyone else. But she just can't.
Her lack of self worth is another reason why her content is so hollow. People pick up on it very quickly that she isn't doing what she wants to do at all. She's emulating what she's seen other successful people do and then gets confused when it doesn't work for her. It's because it's see through, hollow. You can't upload multiple vlogs crying about how depressed you are, refuse to do anything about it because you're not "ready", then get upset when people don't pat your behind for you. It's madness.
2) We see what Amber is like when she is home alone and doesn't have Becky to ferry her places. The tail end of this vlog is just Amber, on her own, waddling around her kitchen, and looking so...lost. When she's just alone with her thoughts, it's not pretty. When she can't sap energy from other people for her obnoxious spirit bombs, she doesn't know what to do with herself. I can only imagine these kinds of days exacerbate her other issues, when she can't distract herself with B&J binges. She can't be alone, which again, I would trace back to her foster care upbringing and the two breakups.
If Amber wasn't such a manipulative person, I'd almost feel bad for her. It's sad to see someone like this, waddling around their house, as whispers of the "haydurs" spill out of their mouth. She sounds and looks completely broken. She needs serious help.
3) Amber will never change. For someone to change who they are, to sort of engage in that journey of self improvement, there has to be two things. An adequate amount of misery and incentive. Outside of days like this one, Amber isn't miserable. She hasn't lost her mobility, she has a girlfriend and friends willing to cart her ass around, she's making 10k a month to do nothing. (I believe that figure could be accurately, just due to the sheer amount of ads she shoves into her videos.) Why would she change? She hasn't hit any kind of rock bottom, ever.
What incentive is there? Amber doesn't need to grow her channel to make more money nor does she care about growing it, she clearly doesn't care enough about herself to get healthy, and she has no goals. She screeched about her novel in the past and how much she likes writing, but she takes no classes, doesn't post any of her work to youtube, and just gently reminds her girlfriend of over a year about how much she loves to write. Amber has no vision beyond what's in front of her, her life right now in Kentucky honestly seems like her Magnum Opus and I can't see why she would want to change it at all.
You know, Amber's in the really unique position that not a lot of the other content creators find themselves in. It's usually a struggle to try to create something that other people will find engaging. Lots of YouTubers write scripts, polish up their editing skills, spend a lot of time working on their videos, etc. Shane Dawson, Amber's idol, is doing a series right now about confronting people from his past. Morgan Adams has collaborated with Josh Peck, done a video spoofing her friends' instagram videos. Weather or not either of those things or those style of YouTubers are your cup of tea, there's clearly thought, time, and effort expended on all of them.
Amber doesn't need to exert any effort on her videos. If she simply did the things people were screaming at her to do and brought the camera with her, her channel would explode, guaranteed. Imagine the titles. "Obese girl loses 100 pounds REACTION" "My first therapy session EMOTIONAL" "Apologizing to the haters and taking responsibility". I mean, the shit could just write itself. She could sort her life out, get the fame she desperately craves, and become something of an icon, if she just did the things that were, by now, expected of her. But no. She can't and that is the true tragedy of Amberlynn Reid.
I need a fucking drink.
