💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votos: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votos: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votos: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votos: 34 2.1%

  • October-November 2024

    Votos: 37 2.3%

  • December 2024

    Votos: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votos: 256 16.1%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votos: 261 16.4%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votos: 930 58.5%
  • Total de votantes
    1,591
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mucksnake dijo:
I thought there was a one in a trillion chance he'd surprised me.

Also, I edited my post because it looked like he was actually using the arm. Then I saw how it looks like he's got almost no movement or grip strength in the fingers.

Learn from my mistakes, everybody: don't comment before the video's finished.
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I like to think the dead arm was god punishing jack for choking out his son. The lack of Tammy's help in the video really showed how bad it is. This is one of the best videos jack has put out in a while.
 
feral cat #6385 dijo:
I like to think the dead arm was god punishing jack for choking out his son. The lack of Tammy's help in the video really showed how bad it is. This is one of the best videos jack has put out in a while.
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I will say, the video quality's not as shitty as it is back on Page 333, and this recipe isn't as colossal a fuckup as some of the ones I've seen.

But his arm looks like it's pretty much frozen. I didn't see him grip at all. He just used his paralytic fingers like a claw. And he had to heave pretty much his whole torso to move the arm.

I'd be inclined to feel sympathy, if he weren't a turd.
 
Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet) dijo:
Jack not taking the COVID vaccine is all types of insane. I think it makes sense for all adults to get it, but let's be realistic, the risk mitigation is much less important for a healthy 25-year-old. They could get super unlucky but they'll probably be fine.

Jack is like a public health nightmare compilation of high risk. He's obese, he's older, he's had two strokes, he's living in a place with really low vaccine coverage and he's out of the house in indoor areas a lot. What is he worried about that he wants tested for over a year? He's going to be lucky if he makes it another year to suffer these imagined side effects.
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he is absolutely high risk. if he contracted COVID it could be devastating. i have no fucking clue how this hasn’t sunk in to him.
 
Random Internet Person dijo:
All I can see is how much the stroke fucked him. Looks like OP material.
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I would pay a fuckload of cash to see Jack’s reaction while viewing that for the first time (Hi, Jack!). The combination of the song and clip choices really make for a surely dehumanizing watch.
He must’ve been hot under the collar :shit-eating:
 
jerkstore dijo:
he is absolutely high risk. if he contracted COVID it could be devastating. i have no fucking clue how this hasn’t sunk in to him.
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I'm pretty sure Jack is TN's patient zero, asymptomatic carrier.

Maybe we should start looking to see if Jack on the Go locations got closed for COVID shortly after his visits.
 
Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet) dijo:
Jack not taking the COVID vaccine is all types of insane. I think it makes sense for all adults to get it, but let's be realistic, the risk mitigation is much less important for a healthy 25-year-old. They could get super unlucky but they'll probably be fine.

Jack is like a public health nightmare compilation of high risk. He's obese, he's older, he's had two strokes, he's living in a place with really low vaccine coverage and he's out of the house in indoor areas a lot. What is he worried about that he wants tested for over a year? He's going to be lucky if he makes it another year to suffer these imagined side effects.
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Love how he keeps saying it’s poison but he shovel poison into his mouth everyday.
 
EnemyStand dijo:
Hooray for boredom!

-Jack opens with the hilarious bit about how his viewers are the ones keeping him waiting. Big words from a man who takes three weeks to upload.
-Title card after he explains what the recipe is. Is he done plugging Profile by Sanford? Is little Jacky growing up?
-Almond flour makes the recipe Keto. I already want to get off this ride. Apparently it's super fine, unlike him.
-When talking about his butter melting, he then "hilariously" blames me because his retarded Boomer bits must continue until morale improves. My morale reaches an all time low.
-Anyway, the rest of his ingredients are sugar free versions. KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETOOOOOOOOOOO!
-Jack inexplicably films himself going to the counter then fades to him having measured everything out. What great production values. The fade cuts replacing jumps proves Jack reads the thread.
-Jack uses a fork to mix the dries. He places his arm on the handle of the mixing bowl like it's a replacement. Funnier than his jokes by a mile.
-While adding the wet ingredients, Jack burbles that he loves peanut butter while he licks the bowl. I mean, I lick the bowl too but good lord, turn the fucking camera off!
-Thanks to his dead arm, we get to watch Jack loosen his mixture so he can get it into his pan.
-Jack smooshes his dough down. I can see half the pan because he didn't move the mixing bowl out of the way. Production values through the roof!
-Jack leaves the camera running while he puts the chocolate chips and butter in the microwave. Riveting.
-Apparently Jack's arm is strong enough to hold the handles of the bowls he stirs in, but not strong enough to grip it without forcing it to grip with his good hand. Thus proving that God is real, and He's a Kiwi.
-Jack shows us what looks like a pan of shit. The melted chocolate chips probably weren't melted enough.
-2 hours later Jack says he's going to have Tammy cut the bars.
-Jack wanted Tammy to slam the pan on the plate to get the bar out of the pan. Tammy gets the dessert out without breaking the plate like a retard.
-Jack is shocked Tammy can cut a frozen dessert for some reason. He helps his mommy-wife in the kitchen by holding the bar while she does the real work.
-Jack is concerned we're drooling imbeciles like him that doesn't realize frozen things are hard to cut. Classic!
-Jack's reviews: "Sweet, peanut buttery, it's chocolatey, it's really good!" Gee Jack, I couldn't figure that out from the fact the recipe is sugar, peanut butter, and chocolate.
-Jack claims it's 90% accurate to a Reese's Cup. I press X as hard as I can.
-He also claims he'll chop it up into smaller pieces and he'll make it again. I guess no bake peanut butter bars are impossible for anyone to screw up.
-Jack says he loves me. Even after he yelled at me for making him wait. What a gentleman!
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Oh thank god you saved me from doing my own serious autopsy. It means I can do a lighter string of observations instead.

1. Jack's raised tone at the start gives me the idea that something happened a bit earlier in the day to make him really mad. It could be anything from Tammy not being able to drive him to eat five Dave's Triples from Wendy's to Paul not returning his sexts to even the counterclaim by PC and LM forcing him to think on what he has to do. The mantoddler is not happy.
2. Given Jack is acting in a rush and says he has an hour left, it's possible that he's doing this as a quick "fuck you Tammy I want dessert" video while she's out and that's why he's mad as hell since he couldn't get the set-up right the first time.
3. I should note that yes, the Bacon Up he uses to masturbate with while watching Guy Fieri eat cheese steaks is still out, as is the Gourd. We see you Gourd, and we see you Watermelon Shirt.
4. Ingredients wise, swerve gives you the shits, and almond flour takes finesse to use right given that these things usually prefer wheat flour. Rule of thumb based on what I'm looking up indicates you use like 2x the almond.
5. Jack clearly read the thread highlighting that he wasn't eating keto given the sole purpose of this video, besides him squalling like a fucking child over dessert, is to prove us wrong and that he still diets.
6. But that's a negatory on this being KEEEETOOO Jack, since even no-sugar added peanut butter has like 7g of the stuff, meaning 3 servings will knock you out of ketosis.
7. Yeah, Jack is mad about something as he also babbles that warm butter is nice.
8. What type of retard microwaves butter; oh wait Jack would. Pretty sure it doesn't matter if it's melted since you can just use a mixer to chunk it.
9. You know things are shit when he uses 1:1 ratios on the flour to swerve. The only reason he might not shit himself to death tonight might be if the swerve is weighted with shit to balance it out mass wise like sugar.
10. And it's confirmed he reads the thread. The baking kiwis have gotten on him repeatedly for not mixing his dries first before his wets. So hey guys, you can call him a fat faggot and he'll read it and probably cry too.
11. Jack clearly looked up a reason for why you pre mix your wets and dries. I've done the same and it's pretty simple: it minimizes the need to mix and in wheat based cooking you don't worry as much about gluten strands forming in your batter/dough.
12. Jack, again proving that he is a glutton destined to hang out in the shit river portion of Hell by Dante's fanfic lore of the place, eats what looks to be a spoon and a half worth of peanut butter in the bowl; best to cut that out tbh.
13. In the effort to pretend that God GIMMESTROKEARMBACK, Jack reveals the death claw hand of his can't unlatch, but can hold on with all the strength rigor mortis can give it.
14. Jack, desperate to fit more food in his mouth, licks his thumb twice and touches multiple bowls in the process. I guess he's really hoping Tammy doesn't come home and yells at him for making desserts he shouldn't eat due to them unleashing the great mighty poo.
15. Jack has become so lazy and retarded he's resorted to relying on chef mike for melting chocolate and butter, despite that not really being a smart or effective way at doing the latter at all.
16. So yeah, that chocolate looks clumpy and thick in the way a medium with a lot of moisture boiling off of it does; I bet it tastes fairly bitter too.
17. I guess Tammy caught him before he could eat the whole pan of shitloaf, so as a peace offering since I suspect she herself is loosening her own diet (don't btw, you'll just pick bad habits back up again), Jack will sacrifice some of the food he wanted to eat instead.
18. The final product looks horrible, and I'm not going to lie I genuinely thought it'd have been fucking cooked but I guess not; I guess the bootleg batter is fine as is... I get the feeling you were supposed to cook it to firmness and then chocolatize it.
19. Final result is that carb and sugar starved Jack desperately licks himself clean like a cat due to a ravenous and unholy hunger. I should note that while he does try to improve his usual shit tier descriptions of taste to what was actually in the final product; he does not indicate what texture this nightmare has.

So I don't know what exactly got up Jack's ass on the day he's filming this, but he was mad.
 
GoodFattyDeadFatty dijo:
jackfrosting.mp4

I swear he has a talent for making such horrific frosting every time.
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My favorite was the Coca Cola cake icing.
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