Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[Judiac Cyber Criminal]

Everything is made up, institutions and history are optional, and all you need is to be your True Self.
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Man it must really suck being a genuine neo-pagan and having these "pagans" representing/gatekeeping your belief, I understand now why moderate muslims/christians react with such ferocious denial of the extremists that becomes the "representatives" of said religion.

I mean can't they just do what everyone else does and create their own wacky cult?

 

[NoReturn]

Who's the rat?

 

[RazorBackBacon]

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Who's the rat?

Realistically just some lurker. It's not like you need a password to get on here.

All in all, a surprisingly mature response from Angie. Come back to us, Angie! All is forgiven if you just come back and play with us!

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Why do you want some kid's stuffed animal is my question. They probably drooled on it.

If my child turns out like that I would get an after birth abortion.


modernwitchtips, if you ever read this, I want to ask you a very important question. . . Will you marry me? If you say yes I will drive my ass down to the nearest Tiffany and Co and let you pick out our wedding rings.


And they're also rapists.


No, she's going to wind up pouring cum on a lemon.


I wonder how long these people can keep friends. They're always losing them for one reason or another.


I think it's shit.


Gender fluid is my least favorite drink. I prefer matcha.


The sad thing is, this could actually be a profitable business.


What mythology are they reading?!


And that thing is ugly.


Citrona sounds like a brand of air freshener.


. . . Is that the autistic rating?


If I found out one of my relatives was wiccan I wouldn't talk to them either.


My advice: don't ask reddit for advice.


Great idea.


I think she's in love with her friend.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Maybe, just maybe, people don't like hanging around with people who use period blood to hex their enemies.

 

[NoReturn]

Why do you want some kid's stuffed animal is my question. They probably drooled on it.

Spoiler: On this topic

If you do get a "gift", it's not going to be a dirty children's toy. It'll likely be something like:

• Bird feather = A bird in the area feels comfortable enough to clean itself.
• Bird feathers = A predator bird killed and ate another bird nearby. Keep your pets indoors.
• Dead rodent or bird = A cat likes you and it trying to share its kill with you. Throw it away or bury it somewhere away from where it was found. The cat who left it might be watching and if you reject the gift she might go shit on your porch.

Superstition zone:

• If you find jewelry, clean it and keep it or donate it. If you donate it you should still clean it first.

And they're also rapists.

In fact, these two attributes may even be directly linked!

The sad thing is, this could actually be a profitable business.

What mythology are they reading?!

Their own made-up version and/or the sanitized versions of mythological stories that they read in elementary school.

---

I Went to WITCH SCHOOL & Learned Real Magic!

Mia has been studying witchcraft for more than EIGHT YEARS you guys! That's almost nine!

Spoiler: Mia's website

 

[ClownBrew]

Man it must really suck being a genuine neo-pagan and having these "pagans" representing/gatekeeping your belief

The system I use is more based in Crowley, and we tend to have fewer problems like this. This is likely because so many of us are older straight men--myself included--whereas systems like Wicca really bring the teen girls, the turbo-fats, the gay twinks lashing out at their Baptist parents, and the angry midwits who treat it like some kind of hippie or punk statement.

As soon as one of 'em starts in about either "energy" or "chakras"--or hoarding their bodily fluids in jars like Howard Hughes-- you take a drink.

They're cows-- and like any other cows, their flailing is usually pretty funny.

For instance, take all the mooing they used to do on Instagram about their endless attempts to hex Drumpf. Not only did they unwittingly advertise to all of us actual trained, experienced occultists what they were attempting to do, so that we could block it all easily enough-- but that was never even necessary, as they didn't have the skills to pull off jack shit in the first place!

It's basically like watching Lucas Werner's attempts to breed Gen X super-telomere babies with jailbait...or like watching the anvil fall onto Wile-E Coyote's head, again and again. Meep meep!

Why should I let it piss me off, when it's funnier than a South Park marathon?

 

[Icasaracht]

Rightio, I'm willing to take a bullet here. Some say that you should not stick your dick in crazy. I say nay, coward, stick your dick in crazy and fuck the crazy out them. What brave and righteous souls amongst you shall take up this holy crusade to turn thy whore into thy housewife?

My liege! I shall take thy bullet and powder a bleating she-goat's witch-ditch 'till her lunacy is purged by my dangling dragon. Fire away, I say!

 

[NoReturn]

If you call your boyfriend a "demon", why are you with him?
Also, WitchesvsPatriarchy is basically "Asspats Inc." at this point.

Spoiler: Evidence

Bonus: TikToks

Spoiler: TikToks in here

Go to my page if you don’t believe me #fyp #mercuryretrograde #astrology #witchtok #spiritualtiktok #woketok
original sound - JazzyFizzle

illuminiah
aniahthe cool kid · 2020-10-12
If you don’t see it, watch it again #fyp #foryou #astrologytiktok #celebrityastrology #plsexplain #pisces #piscesrising #readings #spiritualtiktok #RhymePOV
original sound -

abundantvibes
Dana · 1-2
this is rlly interesting tbh, part 4 coming soon #witchtok #spirituality #reincarnation #woketok #conspiracytheories #111 #genz
orijinal ses - ponciklendin

 

[Small-arms Supremacy]

Not only did they unwittingly advertise to all of us actual trained, experienced occultists what they were attempting to do, so that we could block it all easily enough

'Real big boy' neo pagans bragging about intercepting hexes from tumblr larpers lmao. All of you are cringe.

If you call your boyfriend a "demon", why are you with him?

I think the implication here is that he's possessed and the sage is burning him because of that not that he's a demon.

 

[Exceptionally Exceptional]

I've run into some of these faggots online. They're somehow even more delusional than your average religious nut.
Met one who claimed he believes ALL gods exist, and it's totally not a case of the various gods existences contradicting each other because you see every other religious person but him is wrong about the nature of their gods.

Yahweh? He exists but the Bible is fiction and everything attributed to him by it is a lie.
Same for every other religion, according to him. Zeus exists, but all the myths are just myths.
I mean, if that isn't some arrogant shit to feel you can dictate other people's religions and gods to them I dunno what the fuck is.

 

[Baloney Face]

Yahweh? He exists but the Bible is fiction and everything attributed to him by it is a lie ...

... a lie of those awful Jews.

 

[Flexo]

I've run into some of these faggots online. They're somehow even more delusional than your average religious nut.
Met one who claimed he believes ALL gods exist, and it's totally not a case of the various gods existences contradicting each other because you see every other religious person but him is wrong about the nature of their gods.

Yahweh? He exists but the Bible is fiction and everything attributed to him by it is a lie.
Same for every other religion, according to him. Zeus exists, but all the myths are just myths.
I mean, if that isn't some arrogant shit to feel you can dictate other people's religions and gods to them I dunno what the fuck is.

I mean it's an orthodox Christian belief that the pagan gods were demonic spirits playing pretend trying to lead men away from Yahweh.

Not to derail into theology sperging, but such is a very old feature of history. Some of the Old Testament doesn't make much sense until you realize that some passages are written as trash talk or rebuttals to other faiths and gods in the area.

 

[Baloney Face]

Some of the Old Testament doesn't make much sense until you realize that some passages are written as trash talk or rebuttals to other faiths and gods in the area.

The Old Testament is a collection of writings that do not really share a common viewpoint, only a common culture that was evolving.

Whoever wrote Genesis thought the world was flat and had a roof, Isaiah (written after sailing ships became common) knew it was round.

Actual monotheism is a late development.

 

[Flexo]

The Old Testament is a collection of writings that do not really share a common viewpoint, only a common culture that was evolving.

Whoever wrote Genesis thought the world was flat and had a roof, Isaiah (written after sailing ships became common) knew it was round.

Actual monotheism is a late development.

I said let's not derail this into theology sperging.

 

[Timesplitter]

Spoiler

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Why do you want some kid's stuffed animal is my question. They probably drooled on it.

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If my child turns out like that I would get an after birth abortion.

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modernwitchtips, if you ever read this, I want to ask you a very important question. . . Will you marry me? If you say yes I will drive my ass down to the nearest Tiffany and Co and let you pick out our wedding rings.

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And they're also rapists.

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No, she's going to wind up pouring cum on a lemon.

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I wonder how long these people can keep friends. They're always losing them for one reason or another.

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I think it's shit.

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Gender fluid is my least favorite drink. I prefer matcha.

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The sad thing is, this could actually be a profitable business.

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What mythology are they reading?!

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And that thing is ugly.

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Citrona sounds like a brand of air freshener.

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. . . Is that the autistic rating?

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If I found out one of my relatives was wiccan I wouldn't talk to them either.

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My advice: don't ask reddit for advice.

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Great idea.

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I think she's in love with her friend.

deryaspirit-325.mp4

Gonna be honest. I'm disappointed she didn't drink the period blood.

 

[EyelessMC]

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Why do you want some kid's stuffed animal is my question. They probably drooled on it.

Unholy hell, what kind of myopic view of the world leads to thinking random objects laying around are gifts specifically for you?
"You don't understand! The positive energy of the universe showed me this was a gift for me! It left it in your driveway just for ME!"

Spoiler

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I wonder how long these people can keep friends. They're always losing them for one reason or another.

Wait so they found out about the "dead name" note after they stopped being friends? Kind of sounds like the friend got the last laugh. I just imagine this transpiring like that one meme comic.

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I think it's shit.

Exactly! How is this a "tech" witch if it doesn't even have coding socks?

Spoiler

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What mythology are they reading?!

Dude wait look at the tags. Celtic gods, Greek gods, Egyptian gods, Kemet... Kemet?? Like "Nation of Islam Yakub" Kemet?

Witchblr x Kemet crossover? Will they sprinkle bodily fluids on vanilla ice cream to make the Albanoids go away?

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"Made many bad decisions with magick when I was a child; is there something I must do about it?"
Yeah. Stop it.

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. . . Is that the autistic rating?

She's trying to tell her kid that they're autistic but doesn't know how to break the news.

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Thank you Squishy-Cthulhu. Finally someone reminds these idiots that the reason the witch-burnings were bad was because of innocents dying and promoting it like the victims were legitimate hexing witches just makes their murderers in the right.

deryaspirit-325.mp4

It was nice of her to put the Lunacy sticker in her video so people would know she was crazy off the bat, and her corn tattoo shows how ready she is for a ripe harvest. But really though, how did period blood become the female equivalent to the 4chan anon's cum jars?

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If you call your boyfriend a "demon", why are you with him?

Men are demons but being single is lonely and depressing. Such is the hedgehog's feminist witch's dilemma.

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Actual living nightmare fuel. God save that poor bunny...

Snaptik_6913302678739193093_dana.mp4

"And if your birthmark is irregular then you probably have a pre-cancerous mole which means in a past life you died of cancer. However, if you have a birthmark on your buttocks that's darker than your skin color then it means in a past life you were buck broken....
and also died of cancer."
Imagine living your life staring at every corner of your body for unique marks or defects and attributing that to evidence of Reincarnation--and typically from violent or horrible deaths, too.

 

[NoReturn]

Something of mine went missing today and inspired me to search for a certain topic.
Here's what I found:

Pro-tip: If the "small folk" take your shit you need to clean the area you lost it in, if not your whole house. The rational explanation is that you lost it because your space is a mess, and the supernatural explanation is that fairies are fucking with you because your space is a mess.

Spoiler: TikToks

ashleesummer0
Ashlee Summer · 2020-12-13
#fyp #foryou #witchtok #pagantok #norsetok #occultok #fae #faerie #fairfolk
original sound - Ashlee Summer

djemilah
Djemilah · 2020-3-2
Story time- pulling my daughter from school because we believe in fairies #ibelieveinfairies #witchtok #witchesoftiktok #witch #fae #witchcraft #magic
original sound - Djemilah

Ed. note - I'm not sure where this "Don't say thank you" thing comes from. Far as I can tell it's a common fiction trope but not something I've encountered in actual folklore. If anything the stories I've always heard had it as opposite.

aspirantwitch
Aspirant Witch · 2020-7-21
If you want more explanation on the meaning of the twist tie I’ll post a part 2. This was so weird! #fae #thefae #magic #witchtok #witchcraft #fairy
original sound - emileeflood

jiiriart
jiiriart · 2020-8-27
The Fae are getting desperate #witchtok #aug27 #fae #fairyring #thefae
original sound - jiiriart

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Spoiler: Nice things which are therefore off-topic

Angie reblogged this cute art set and this one reminds me of @fuzzyrodent85

Cool old Irish people talking about fairies:

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Typical redditor.


No, I think this is what you need actually.


It would piss off Mike Pence if you hired some men off of TikTok to gangbang your husband while your kids watch you should do that too.


Try the 41% it's some really powerful magick.


No, both sides are wrong. Artemis is a terf.


I hope that "journey" is the car ride to the doctor to get forcibly sterilized because you sure as hell don't need more kids. Imagine if one of them go on her phone and stumble across this post.


Knowing these people it's probably so they have more time to think of a plan to kidnap them and feed them period blood.


"The professional dad"
Freud was right.


Someone at work asked me why I'm not in a relationship yet. This is why.


So we're still buddies?


I don't think the patriarchy is to blame here. Your grandma is just a nonce.


"Your best friend that you can gossip with over iced coffee"
Just say that no one likes you irl and leave.


How are you engaged and a full grown adult but worried that someone put a hex on you in middle school?


You're nonbinary and have "miss. Edith" as your username. Are you trying to get people to misgender you so you can screech at them?

 

[NoReturn]

[Bath]

Don't put honey in the goddamn bathtub.

Typical redditor.

#notliketheotherwitches
Also they deleted their account. Haaa.

Someone at work asked me why I'm not in a relationship yet. This is why.

Silly Fuzzy. The reason you aren't in a relationship yet is because your warding spells against thottery are too strong.

"Your best friend that you can gossip with over iced coffee"

Oddly this is kind of accurate. The way they talk about her she is depicted in a lot of stories as the "older sister friend" type, but I still think you're right that this user is using them just as imaginary friends.
Maybe these people should join all the tulpamancer-bronies and share tips.
On that note...
Tulpamancer-Bronies!